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re: Parenting question - 4 year old
Posted on 2/9/22 at 9:17 am to RealityTiger
Posted on 2/9/22 at 9:17 am to RealityTiger
quote:
Me and my wife have had the backing of 2 different pediatricians and our primary care doctor that says melatonin is harmless and an effective way to get kids to go to sleep.
Exactly. Same here. But everyone here thinks they know more than people who went to medical school. Also, a lot of people don’t have experience with very strong-willed children. It will be great when they are grown ups but very tough right now.
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Posted on 2/9/22 at 9:19 am to jscrims
Just let the kid sleep with you
Posted on 2/9/22 at 9:22 am to Displaced
Yea, I wouldn't say your advice is horrible, but it just may not be practical depending on the individual child and the day care. When my oldest was 2/3 every few weekends she would go at least 1 day without a nap. The key is making sure they are getting the recommended amount of sleep (10-12 hours from 3-5 y/o), and if they won't nap at least give them an extended quiet time to relax (books, snuggling in bed/couch to watch a show for an hour...)
Posted on 2/9/22 at 9:27 am to TheRouxGuru
quote:
Women these days are so damn worried about their wittle walking facebook posts being uncomfortable that they forget how to parent
This whole ‘never letting your baby cry’ bullshite has got to stop
The best way for a baby to become sleepy is for them to cry, so at the end of the day, if they aren’t ready for bed, put them down in it and let them wail away (supervised remotely of course)
After awhile, go comfort them, and let them go to sleep. Works better than melatonin
Also… parents, if your kids are having issues sleeping at night, maybe start troubleshooting what’s going on during the day….
Is your kid active? Do they stay inside on tablets and games all day? If so, at the end of the day, it’s gonna be hell trying to get them to go to sleep because they have all that stored up energy in them.
If your kids are giving you trouble at night, try keeping them busy and outside during the day.. I have two very active boys (3&8) and at the end of the day, they basically put themselves in bed and fall asleep zero issue most of the time
And for those of you who swear by melatonin… are you really trying to build a dependency on medication at such a young age? Giving your children medication every night to make them go to sleep is lazy and irresponsible in my opinion, and if I had to guess, these same parents let their iPads babysit their kids too
This post was edited on 2/9/22 at 9:30 am
Posted on 2/9/22 at 9:31 am to jscrims
Great job here dad!
You are the tone-setter, the leader, the example, the boundary-setter and you 100% did the right thing.
As a poster stated previously, for the next 14-21 days, you will need to make sure YOU keep your daughter in check at bedtime.
Your daughter's behavior is LEARNED behavior. Kids will manipulate you and bust your boundaries once they learn what buttons to push. It sounds like mom is soft as charmin toilet paper and this will be a problem in the future if she doesn't learn to follow your lead and/or stick to her own boundaries with the kids.
Put your foot down dad and keep it down!
You are the tone-setter, the leader, the example, the boundary-setter and you 100% did the right thing.
As a poster stated previously, for the next 14-21 days, you will need to make sure YOU keep your daughter in check at bedtime.
Your daughter's behavior is LEARNED behavior. Kids will manipulate you and bust your boundaries once they learn what buttons to push. It sounds like mom is soft as charmin toilet paper and this will be a problem in the future if she doesn't learn to follow your lead and/or stick to her own boundaries with the kids.
Put your foot down dad and keep it down!
Posted on 2/9/22 at 9:31 am to STEVED00
quote:
You taught her a life lesson for sure. Kids sleeping in the bed is a tough subject for me though. Sure it is aggravating now but at some point they grow up and you will miss those interactions.
I don't have a kid, but that whole "kids sleeping in parents bed every night past one year old" thing will not happen in my house.
Posted on 2/9/22 at 9:36 am to The Torch
quote:
Just let the kid sleep with you
Hopefully this is sarcasm. Never let that happen. We were lucky enough to avoid this and never have kids sleeping in our room past the first six weeks or so. Schedule is king as others have commented.
This post was edited on 2/9/22 at 9:37 am
Posted on 2/9/22 at 9:36 am to Jcorye1
quote:
but that whole "kids sleeping in parents bed every night past one year old" thing will not happen in my house.
don't even let them under 1
1 - my Dad could tell your horror stories of parents rolling over on their infant and smothering them
2 - breaking the habit, even at 1, can be hard
put the bassinet or whatever right next to your wife's side of the bed, if you must, but don't let them sleep in the bed with you
always been my #1 rule
Posted on 2/9/22 at 9:41 am to REB BEER
Everything is scripted out for my 5 and 3 year old starting with their dinner at 5:30. Prayers at 7:30. They get a bedtime story, and then 10 minutes with the lights off to talk, drink some water, and use the restroom. Once their sound machine is on, if they get out of bed and screw around I'll spank them and they lose their current favorite toy for the next day, and they dont get to watch a tv show the next night. My wife was worried I was being too strict, but now she enforces these boundaries closely. It has served our boys well.
Posted on 2/9/22 at 9:43 am to TheRouxGuru
quote:
And for those of you who swear by melatonin… are you really trying to build a dependency on medication at such a young age?
This has always been something I was curious about in regards to sound machines/music.
Almost all of my friends have sound machines in their children's rooms and have since birth.. Does this make them dependent on that sound machine into adulthood? I guess that's not a huge deal to be dependent on, in hindsight.. just curious really. Anyone know?
Posted on 2/9/22 at 9:44 am to jscrims
she will grow out of this phase. The important thing is that you established a boundary with her during this phase. Keep doing the same thing for the next phase.
Posted on 2/9/22 at 9:47 am to LouisianaLady
quote:
Almost all of my friends have sound machines in their children's rooms and have since birth.. Does this make them dependent on that sound machine into adulthood? I guess that's not a huge deal to be dependent on, in hindsight.. just curious really. Anyone know?
I'm definitely dependent on noise at night. I have an oscillating fan on, even when its cold, just for the noise.
My 9 year old had her sound machine for her first 6 years, and then we moved it to the baby's room when she was born, and my 9 year old hasn't missed it, so
I've always considered the sound machine to be more about blocking noise outside the room, moreso than for soothing.
Posted on 2/9/22 at 9:49 am to jscrims
quote:
I took my daughter and put her in her room and locked the door from the outside. I let her scream and kick and cry and after about 10-15 minutes, she passed out on her floor. Once she was asleep, I went in and put her in her bed and she didn’t come down until the morning.
Yep. This. You did fine.
Posted on 2/9/22 at 9:52 am to jscrims
quote:
Has had a routine since she was a baby. Most nights she is asking to go to bed before her bed time. We aren’t the sleep in our bed parents and never have been. She knows the deal, she just refuses to follow it some nights.
..Are you me?
We have the exact issue with our 2.5 year old daughter. Never slept in our bed, has had a routine since a baby, and asks to go to bed at 8pm every night. However, she keeps waking up around 1AM asking for milk or wanting to play
Posted on 2/9/22 at 9:54 am to jscrims
Not a parent YET (will be in July), but am a behavioral therapist. Everything you did is 100% right. She was exhibiting escape behaviors. All behavior should be worked with by function with extinction (making sure the behavior doesn't access reinforcement). In this case the crying/screaming was done to access escape from her bed/room. When a behavior doesn't access reinforcement, the child stops engaging in it. Basically, if you stopped getting paid you would stop showing to work....you kept your daughter from getting paid..she aaint gonna be putting in that work if you stick to that.
Posted on 2/9/22 at 10:04 am to Sheepdog1833
quote:This isn't true, and studies show that it is safe short-term and most likely long term.
What it does is lower their natural production.
quote:How old are the kids? I think you're giving them too much credit here. Don't make a production out of it and it won't be a bid deal. My 8 and 5 year old have no idea what that little purple pill is for.
And maybe worse sets up an addictive nature to sleep. “I have to have my pill or I can’t get to sleep.” Awful idea.
Posted on 2/9/22 at 10:05 am to jscrims
Not a therapist over here but a mom of teenagers who have slept beautifully since infancy. I cannot recommend the book Babywise enough with enforcing eat-play-sleep schedules.
Your 4 year old is simply asserting her will on you to see how far she can push. It's completely normal and you are 100% doing the right thing by establishing your place in the pack. Bedtime is when you say it is, and nothing more. This is an arbitrary time set by the parents. You're the dad and she's the kid. This relationship will serve you AND her well throughout the years.
Your 4 year old is simply asserting her will on you to see how far she can push. It's completely normal and you are 100% doing the right thing by establishing your place in the pack. Bedtime is when you say it is, and nothing more. This is an arbitrary time set by the parents. You're the dad and she's the kid. This relationship will serve you AND her well throughout the years.
Posted on 2/9/22 at 10:11 am to LouisianaLady
quote:
Almost all of my friends have sound machines in their children's rooms and have since birth.. Does this make them dependent on that sound machine into adulthood? I guess that's not a huge deal to be dependent on, in hindsight.. just curious really. Anyone know?
We always had sound machines in our kids' rooms. They are 15 and 17 now and neither sleeps with any noise making devices.
The wife and I sleep with a fan on just for the noise but not the kids.
Posted on 2/9/22 at 10:13 am to Salmon
quote:
I'm definitely dependent on noise at night. I have an oscillating fan on, even when its cold, just for the noise.
My ceiling fan is always on when I sleep mostly just to block out other noises.
Posted on 2/9/22 at 10:23 am to jscrims
Give her some choices regarding bedtime. 8:00 pm with story or 8:15 with no story - things like that. It will help her feel like she has some control over things and she may settle better.
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