re: Parenting question - 4 year old

I did that with my son and looking back, there was probably a better way of handling it. He now has anxiety problems and I know I didn't cause them. By locking door , it probably didn't help. You always look back and think you could have done some things differently.

Okay ... i don't want to try and internet=diagnose your kid, but I will relate our personal experience.

Our daughter started developing sleep issues about 3 or 4 years old. We were not permissive parents and always had rules about things. After many battles we found my wife had to sit with her and lightly rub her back for ten or fifteen minutes every night till she was seven or eight. She also around that age began throwing occasional "tantrums" over little things that were almost inexplicable to us. It was always difficult with her growing up. But she did and was an outstanding student with a near genius level IQ and genuinely good person. It was not till she was in Graduate school and having issues that she was extensively tested (and we were extensively interviewed about her childhood history) and she was diagnosed with High Functioning Autism (which used to be called Aspergers ... and it's not as easily recognized in girls as in boys because it manifests differently on the surface in girls, with some commonalities, of course), a brain condition for which there is no medicine or "cure" Her "tantrums" back then were actually what is known as "meltdowns" in the autism field and were due to sensory overload in the brain. Growing up we developed a flexible parenting style of our own with her, and now we are glad we did as she has grown up to be a successful independent adult who manages her "differences" well..


Again ... I'm not diagnosing your kid. Lots of kids around that age have bedtime issues. But my point is ... trust your own instincts and recognize the individuality of your child; don't compare your child to other children; parent your child in a way that "works" and is comfortable to you and your spouse; if managing certain behaviors in certain ways just feels wrong to you for your child, then it probably is; regardless of what other people think or tell you that you "ought" to do.

Been there and done the exact same thing. Set a routine and when you are done with said routine its time to go to sleep. Ours is teeth, prayers, read her a book, allow her to tell us about her day, and then lights out. One week of her crying and she will accept the routine and abide by it.

Good job Dad! This is what dad are supposed to do. Stay strong your wife will appreciate it later.

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I may be in the minority but this is awful advice. Kids don’t need sleep aids. What it does is lower their natural production. And maybe worse sets up an addictive nature to sleep. “I have to have my pill or I can’t get to sleep.” Awful idea.

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Great post. Melatonin should only be used by older adults whose bodies don’t produce as much as when they were younger.

It’s abhorrent to see so many parents trying to regulate their children’s behaviors with drugs. I understand how trying it is for a working couple or working single parent to manage careers and children at the same time but drugs, excess food and electronics are not the answer. I think this is why we have a couple of overweight generations coming up.

People should think long and hard before having children. They are very expensive, can be psychologically exhausting and require at least an 18-year commitment as a supervisor, teacher, banker, etc.

She'll be fine. She is just testing boundaries, this won't be the only area she does it.

My now six year old has always been horrible to go to bed. Hated naps, would poke her eyes to stay awake and be up to midnight. She had night terrors and would sleep walk until very recently.

Here are things we have had to do:
- She has to be wore out, she goes outside and runs around for hours everyday. Days she can't do that is when she is harder to get to sleep.
- She can't have TV or a tablet in her bed. She can have books (we did picture books at that age, some of those find hidden objects ones).
- She has an Alexa dot in her room that we play instrumental piano or guitar music (simple and soothing, not full on stimulating orchestra, nothing she can sing to).
- We scratch her back but not to the point she falls asleep.
- We tell her we will check on her in 5 minutes and do that until she falls asleep.
- Ice and water.
- The suprise item for us was a sleep mask. We would have never thought about getting her one but she is really into makeup and beauty things and got one in spa kit. She will actually put it on and use it sometimes. Pretty funny to go in to find her asleep with her unicorn mask on.

Even with all that there are nights she will not settle down and that is when we do a very small dose of liquid melatonin. Her doctor is okay with it but it really is a last resort.

Bedtime and sleep got easier once she started kindergarten. We never had these issues with our oldest so she definitely threw us for a loop. Good luck!

Here is something that has helped with our kids.

LINK

Its a tonies story box. Its just a little speaker box that will read stories when you put a certain character on top.

My kids love it. We always read them stories every night (even my 9 year old), but when we leave, we let them choose their story they want to listen to, and neither child (3 and 9) make it till the end of the story.

Ah, the bedtime theatrics. Our 4 y.o. is queen of this too. Lots of great suggestions. I’ll add no tv 30 minutes before bed and definitely keep a set bedtime routine.

We’ve realized that a little one on one attention goes a long way and helps to cut down on the neediness at bedtime. Every night before bed, we put our phones away, turn off the tv and do something like play a board game or read some books before bed. We let her know when she goes to bed, we expect her to stay in bed and if she doesn’t, she will lose her board game privileges for the following night. We make sure to OVERLY praise her the following morning and tell her how proud we are that she stayed in her bed. She loves the attention and positive reinforcement. It’s dramatically cut down the amount of times we’ve had to go in and out the room after tucking her in.

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Women these days are so damn worried about their wittle walking facebook posts being uncomfortable that they forget how to parent

This whole ‘never letting your baby cry’ bullshite has got to stop

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Does anybody whip their kids anymore?

If my kids were crying at bedtime, I'm heading in there and give them something to cry about.