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Parenting question - 4 year old
Posted on 2/9/22 at 6:40 am
Posted on 2/9/22 at 6:40 am
Question for the OT parents. My 4 year old has been refusing to go to bed and fights us for about 2 hours. It isn’t every night but it came to a head last night and I finally told my wife to let me handle it. I took my daughter and put her in her room and locked the door from the outside. I let her scream and kick and cry and after about 10-15 minutes, she passed out on her floor. Once she was asleep, I went in and put her in her bed and she didn’t come down until the morning.
My wife was mortified. She thought I was being too mean and she is going to hate me and have daddy issues. I told her she was being too soft and her way wasn’t working. My daughter woke up this morning and acted like nothing happened.
Is what I did wrong and my daughter is going to end up on the pole because of it or is there a happy medium somewhere? I have two older boys who never had this issue so I’m somewhat at a loss on what to do and if I am the a-hole.
My wife was mortified. She thought I was being too mean and she is going to hate me and have daddy issues. I told her she was being too soft and her way wasn’t working. My daughter woke up this morning and acted like nothing happened.
Is what I did wrong and my daughter is going to end up on the pole because of it or is there a happy medium somewhere? I have two older boys who never had this issue so I’m somewhat at a loss on what to do and if I am the a-hole.
64
Posted on 2/9/22 at 6:43 am to jscrims
You have to handle bed time with her for the next 2-4 weeks. Establish her a routine involving bathroom, water, story, cuddling. Then, make it clear she is not coming out that room. She will eventually stay in bed and sleep.
Posted on 2/9/22 at 6:45 am to jscrims
Does she attend daycare? Tell them to cut the nap out.
Also, melatonin
Also, melatonin
Posted on 2/9/22 at 6:47 am to jscrims
Nah. At 4 years old they know they know how to manipulate you and that's what she's doing. If they run up against that wall they'll push in different ways.
ETA:
Also this.
ETA:
quote:
You have to handle bed time with her for the next 2-4 weeks. Establish her a routine involving bathroom, water, story, cuddling. Then, make it clear she is not coming out that room. She will eventually stay in bed and sleep.
Also this.
This post was edited on 2/9/22 at 6:49 am
Posted on 2/9/22 at 6:49 am to jscrims
quote:
Question for the OT parents. My 4 year old has been refusing to go to bed and fights us for about 2 hours. It isn’t every night but it came to a head last night and I finally told my wife to let me handle it. I took my daughter and put her in her room and locked the door from the outside. I let her scream and kick and cry and after about 10-15 minutes, she passed out on her floor. Once she was asleep, I went in and put her in her bed and she didn’t come down until the morning.
You taught her a life lesson for sure. Kids sleeping in the bed is a tough subject for me though. Sure it is aggravating now but at some point they grow up and you will miss those interactions.
Posted on 2/9/22 at 6:50 am to TigerNutwhack
Relax, dads don’t traumatize kids by setting boundaries.
They give kids issues when they leave the kid’s mom for a hotter woman.
They give kids issues when they leave the kid’s mom for a hotter woman.
Posted on 2/9/22 at 6:51 am to STEVED00
The good news for your relationship with your wife is that it’s 100% guaranteed she will listen to the OT’s advice
Posted on 2/9/22 at 6:51 am to CoachChappy
quote:
You have to handle bed time with her for the next 2-4 weeks. Establish her a routine involving bathroom, water, story, cuddling. Then, make it clear she is not coming out that room. She will eventually stay in bed and sleep.
Oh she has a routine. Has had a routine since she was a baby. Most nights she is asking to go to bed before her bed time. We aren’t the sleep in our bed parents and never have been. She knows the deal, she just refuses to follow it some nights.
Posted on 2/9/22 at 6:52 am to jscrims
I'm with you. Make them scream it out. You're the boss. Not her. She's looking for you to set boundaries.
We had to do that to our 4 year old, too. Locked him in from the outside. He'd scream and try to break down the door. He'd fall asleep with his feet on the floor and torso passed out laying on the bed.
Turns out he was on the autism spectrum and was having panic attacks. We had to take a whole new approach. Kids on the spectrum can have a hard time regulating their sleep pattern and we found melatonin to really help.
Good luck.
We had to do that to our 4 year old, too. Locked him in from the outside. He'd scream and try to break down the door. He'd fall asleep with his feet on the floor and torso passed out laying on the bed.
Turns out he was on the autism spectrum and was having panic attacks. We had to take a whole new approach. Kids on the spectrum can have a hard time regulating their sleep pattern and we found melatonin to really help.
Good luck.
This post was edited on 2/9/22 at 6:54 am
Posted on 2/9/22 at 6:53 am to jscrims
It’s called teaching her how to self-soothe. It’s an important thing for kids to learn. You did nothing wrong.
Posted on 2/9/22 at 6:54 am to jscrims
Like someone else said she’s testing your boundaries.
Posted on 2/9/22 at 6:55 am to jscrims
quote:
She knows the deal, she just refuses to follow it some nights.
Gotcha! You’re doing the right thing. Girls get on the pole and have daddy issues when daddy isn’t there/isn’t involved. You ARE there and setting boundaries. It sucks, but will be worth it in the long run.
My 7 year old daughter tries the same crap every once in a while. We just keep firm and put her back in bed.
This post was edited on 2/9/22 at 6:56 am
Posted on 2/9/22 at 6:56 am to jscrims
Do you have a TV in her room?
We have TVs in my 6 and 4 year old rooms. We USED to let them watch in bed to keep them in bed. But it led to them staying up too late each night and then coming into our room 10 times a night.
About a month ago we took the remotes away and they can’t watch at night anymore. We read with each of them turn their smart lightbulbs the color they want and for my 4 year old do a lullaby baby playlist on the google home in his room.
He still comes out a time or two and some nights or worse. But overall better.
We have TVs in my 6 and 4 year old rooms. We USED to let them watch in bed to keep them in bed. But it led to them staying up too late each night and then coming into our room 10 times a night.
About a month ago we took the remotes away and they can’t watch at night anymore. We read with each of them turn their smart lightbulbs the color they want and for my 4 year old do a lullaby baby playlist on the google home in his room.
He still comes out a time or two and some nights or worse. But overall better.
Posted on 2/9/22 at 6:58 am to Displaced
quote:
Also, melatonin
I may be in the minority but this is awful advice. Kids don’t need sleep aids. What it does is lower their natural production.
And maybe worse sets up an addictive nature to sleep. “I have to have my pill or I can’t get to sleep.” Awful idea.
Posted on 2/9/22 at 7:00 am to GatorReb
We have a bed routine, but also do a melatonin gummy during the school week. Getting a full nights sleep is huge, and cutting the stress out for you and the Mrs. is big for ending the evening.
Posted on 2/9/22 at 7:01 am to jscrims
Establish a set bedtime routine and give them 1mg of Melatonin an hour before bedtime.
Posted on 2/9/22 at 7:02 am to jscrims
Gotta set a solid routine and stick to it. My oldest wined and called my wife back into his room when she was home, went right to bed for me. Youngest would fight like you’re talking about when she was home, some nights it lasted for hours.
The reason they didn’t do it for me is when she wasn’t home we had a routine and stuck to it, they knew it was bed time and I wasn’t going to delay with fighting or whining.
I also think it’s horrible that parents give their kids melatonin to make them sleep, creating a dependency on something like that for a child seems cruel.
Kids are hard, it’ll get better but in the moment it seems like it’s never going to end.
The reason they didn’t do it for me is when she wasn’t home we had a routine and stuck to it, they knew it was bed time and I wasn’t going to delay with fighting or whining.
I also think it’s horrible that parents give their kids melatonin to make them sleep, creating a dependency on something like that for a child seems cruel.
Kids are hard, it’ll get better but in the moment it seems like it’s never going to end.
Posted on 2/9/22 at 7:03 am to jscrims
You're not an arse hole for expecting your child to accept her bedtime at 4. Jnhad friends whose kids had the child proof door handles on the inside of their bedrooms because they wouldn't settle down.
A set routine may help if you don't have one - bath, brush teeth, one book, and bed. That was ours and we never faxed anything more than the occasional "one more book" request.
By the way the are rules. Pics? Of wife that is.
A set routine may help if you don't have one - bath, brush teeth, one book, and bed. That was ours and we never faxed anything more than the occasional "one more book" request.
By the way the are rules. Pics? Of wife that is.
This post was edited on 2/9/22 at 7:05 am
Posted on 2/9/22 at 7:05 am to jscrims
quote:
My wife was mortified. She thought I was being too mean and she is going to hate me and have daddy issues.
She obviously wasn’t that mortified considering she didn’t go unlock the door.
Posted on 2/9/22 at 7:07 am to SteveLSU35
A few tips
I forgot the name but there is a clock that has colors that you train your kid to stay in bed if its red, get out of bed when it turns green, etc. It works well
Edit: I think this is it
LINK
My kid has an Amazon dot in her room and it plays soothing calm music and it helps her. worth a shot
Something we did was we told them they could sleep on our floor if they stayed in their room one night. So we would rotate nights and then work our way up to 2 nights in her bed= 1 night on our floor, etc. They would do anything to get to earn a night on our floor and they ended up enjoying sleeping in their bed.
I was listening to a podcast recently and they said they were going through the same thing and hired a child sleep therapist. Yes apparently they exist. They said it was night and day difference.
I forgot the name but there is a clock that has colors that you train your kid to stay in bed if its red, get out of bed when it turns green, etc. It works well
Edit: I think this is it
LINK
My kid has an Amazon dot in her room and it plays soothing calm music and it helps her. worth a shot
Something we did was we told them they could sleep on our floor if they stayed in their room one night. So we would rotate nights and then work our way up to 2 nights in her bed= 1 night on our floor, etc. They would do anything to get to earn a night on our floor and they ended up enjoying sleeping in their bed.
I was listening to a podcast recently and they said they were going through the same thing and hired a child sleep therapist. Yes apparently they exist. They said it was night and day difference.
This post was edited on 2/9/22 at 7:09 am
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