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re: Ex teaching daughter to call the step-dad “dad”. Thoughts?
Posted on 7/27/26 at 8:01 am to Trough Urinal
Posted on 7/27/26 at 8:01 am to Trough Urinal
Perhaps he’s not a step dad, he’s a dad that stepped up.
0
Posted on 7/27/26 at 8:03 am to Trough Urinal
Yep. Been there and it hurts. Sometimes over months and years, there is a settling.
My own son eventually came to live with me and he uses "Dad" when he went to see his Mom.
On the other hand, I too remarried and she had a son and daughter, but I explained that by calling me Dad would be a level of disrespect to the blood dad. My relationship with the kids are extremely tight and I call and consider them my son and my daughter.
Their blood father, over time, somehow just let himself become the remote parent. Not that he was evil but the condition of not engaging with them regularly has its effects.
My own son eventually came to live with me and he uses "Dad" when he went to see his Mom.
On the other hand, I too remarried and she had a son and daughter, but I explained that by calling me Dad would be a level of disrespect to the blood dad. My relationship with the kids are extremely tight and I call and consider them my son and my daughter.
Their blood father, over time, somehow just let himself become the remote parent. Not that he was evil but the condition of not engaging with them regularly has its effects.
This post was edited on 7/27/26 at 8:18 am
Posted on 7/27/26 at 8:04 am to Trough Urinal
quote:
Ex teaching daughter to call the step-dad “dad”. Thoughts?
quote:
Little girl is 3
quote:
At the end of the day
you are still her father, and will forever be her father. Keep showing up. Keep being present in her life. She's 3. She doesn't know any better or different right now. But I promise if you continue to be the best person you can be for yourself and for her, everything will be okay as she gets older and starts to really understand the meaning of the word, "Dad."
The other stuff, let it go. It doesn't serve you well. This is coming from someone with experience of having two daughters, and has been through a divorce.
Posted on 7/27/26 at 8:14 am to Trough Urinal
I feel for you on this, i get the feeling that neither of them are too bright. Ex seems like a typical woman, acts on emotion and not logic. You can't reason with people like that. I don't know what the solution for you is.
Posted on 7/27/26 at 8:23 am to Trough Urinal
Your wife left you for her coworker, who clearly she was having an affair with, when you had a newborn/toddler together?
I'm not trying to be a dick here, but are you sure it's your kid?
I'm not trying to be a dick here, but are you sure it's your kid?
Posted on 7/27/26 at 8:32 am to Cosmo
quote:
the end of the day, I’m still seeing her once a week and every other weekend
quote:
Oof, looks like she already fricked you on custody
My brother in Christ your attorney really messed you up if that’s how it landed.
Posted on 7/27/26 at 8:34 am to Trough Urinal
quote:
I can take her back to court on that in due time. I don’t think I have the time available to successfully have 50-50. Work keeps me busy
You’re as big of a pos as your ex
Posted on 7/27/26 at 8:36 am to tide06
Sounds like he doesn’t want more than the custody he has.
Posted on 7/27/26 at 8:42 am to Trough Urinal
quote:
I don’t think I have the time available to successfully have 50-50. Work keeps me busy.
Take a step back and imagine telling your 9, 10, or 11 year old daughter that you didn't see her more often and weren't more involved in her life because "work kept you busy." You need some perspective. If you want to be involved in your daughter's life and be more than just the person she dreads spending the night or weekend with every once in a while, you have to make an effort. We all have to work, but make time for your daughter dude. Find a way.
Posted on 7/27/26 at 8:43 am to Trough Urinal
First, that sucks you're going through this and from what you said about the ex wife cheating on you, it wasn't your fault and you couldn't control that.
Second, you are now in a situation where you can control certain aspects. Do you work turn arounds where you're actually gone for weeks at a time? If not bust arse to get a better work schedule.
My stepdad would never want us calling him "dad" or "daddy" because he knows he isn't our real dad. He has loved us like a dad and provided everything we needed growing up. The new step daddy should be saying that or is a real POS. Be as present in your daughters life as you can and set a great example. She will see that and always know you are dad.
Second, you are now in a situation where you can control certain aspects. Do you work turn arounds where you're actually gone for weeks at a time? If not bust arse to get a better work schedule.
My stepdad would never want us calling him "dad" or "daddy" because he knows he isn't our real dad. He has loved us like a dad and provided everything we needed growing up. The new step daddy should be saying that or is a real POS. Be as present in your daughters life as you can and set a great example. She will see that and always know you are dad.
This post was edited on 7/27/26 at 8:45 am
Posted on 7/27/26 at 8:45 am to Trough Urinal
Out of sight, out of mind.
Who is tucking that kid every night? Who is blowing that kid's nose for the sniffles? Who is taking that kid to the playground? Get the idea?
Sort of like when I used to keep a dog for someone all the time. Got out of her car once and the dog followed me. She was shocked. I said what do you expect, she sees me more than you. Same principle.
Who is tucking that kid every night? Who is blowing that kid's nose for the sniffles? Who is taking that kid to the playground? Get the idea?
Sort of like when I used to keep a dog for someone all the time. Got out of her car once and the dog followed me. She was shocked. I said what do you expect, she sees me more than you. Same principle.
Posted on 7/27/26 at 8:57 am to Will Cover
Great response. I have a similar custody agreement with my little girl, as it is the “standard custody agreement” in Texas. I mean, the guy has to work to be able to provide. So many folks on this board have an old school approach about the father being a provider and making sacrifices, not everybody can assume that time with the child while being able to provide. Granted, that’s if there are no step parents or grandparents to help out.
Posted on 7/27/26 at 8:58 am to jorconalx
quote:
don’t think I have the time available to successfully have 50-50. Work keeps me busy
Are you more concerned with being her dad or being called dad?
Because if you don’t prioritize her over work regardless of what you make her call you someone else is functionally going to be her dad.
Posted on 7/27/26 at 9:00 am to baytiger11
quote:
This would 100% get under ex-wife’s skin and drive her nuts. give her a taste of her own medicine.
Any chick willing to play along will be just as bad for you as your ex. Stay single. A new relationship will just take your attention away from your child.
Posted on 7/27/26 at 9:06 am to Trough Urinal
Any reason (job etc) you couldn’t have more time with her?
May be worth pursuing
As to the name shite, I’d make sure, in a very legal way, that the mom and the new stick toy know clearly that you and only you are her Dad. I wouldn’t hesitate for a moment to let the little girl know that you are her dad and she doesn’t need to call this jackass dad, but just remember this, at 3 she has no idea what’s going on. Be there early and often for her and as she gets older she’ll know
May be worth pursuing
As to the name shite, I’d make sure, in a very legal way, that the mom and the new stick toy know clearly that you and only you are her Dad. I wouldn’t hesitate for a moment to let the little girl know that you are her dad and she doesn’t need to call this jackass dad, but just remember this, at 3 she has no idea what’s going on. Be there early and often for her and as she gets older she’ll know
Posted on 7/27/26 at 9:07 am to WinnaSez
quote:
I’m not sure why you would expect anything but more bad decisions. EDIT not trying to be an arsehole, but people need to be more discerning with who they choose to create a life.
And how precious that life is for all involved.
I was thinking similar and then saw your post. Bull’s eye.
Sorry for OP. That sucks. It’s like erasing you. Assuming you are an involved, loving father…I would make that clear and you and you only are Dad.
The divorce to a family, especially kids, is poison. Sorry you and yours landed there.
Posted on 7/27/26 at 9:13 am to Everyday Is Saturday
Want to say this…becoming a Dad was the highest high of my life. Don’t ever take that for granted.
4 grandpas b/w my wife & 1:
- 1 ditched my Mom when en utero
- 1 deadbeat drunk to my Dad
- 1 abusive drunk to wife’s Dad
- 1 ditched wife’s Mom en utero
Be a good Dad! Your future family tree is counting on you.
4 grandpas b/w my wife & 1:
- 1 ditched my Mom when en utero
- 1 deadbeat drunk to my Dad
- 1 abusive drunk to wife’s Dad
- 1 ditched wife’s Mom en utero
Be a good Dad! Your future family tree is counting on you.
This post was edited on 7/27/26 at 9:14 am
Posted on 7/27/26 at 9:18 am to tide06
quote:
Because if you don’t prioritize her over work regardless of what you make her call you someone else is functionally going to be her dad.
Child support is a bitch, and sometimes you have to do what is necessary to provide.
Posted on 7/27/26 at 10:15 am to Trough Urinal
I think you need a 6 pack of ice cold Buds then walk down to their trailer and kick his arse!
Posted on 7/27/26 at 10:19 am to CatfishJohn
This is an all around horrific thread
Painful to read, and I'm not being glib
I'm going to guess you missed some screaming red flags, but that aside, I'm very sorry about your plight man
Painful to read, and I'm not being glib
I'm going to guess you missed some screaming red flags, but that aside, I'm very sorry about your plight man
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