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re: What's the OTs thoughts/experiences with putting life on hold for elder care?
Posted on 8/11/26 at 12:53 pm to metallica81788
Posted on 8/11/26 at 12:53 pm to metallica81788
quote:
Parental responsibilities don't stop when the kids get older - it's our job to make sure elder care is already thought out, saved for, etc.
IMO that's way more important than saving for their college. They can take out loans for college, not for a dementia care unit for mom/dad.
That way to minimize stress on children that are likely in an already stressful portion of their life with their own young(ish) families.
Yep fully agree. I've thought about this a lot even though I'm fairly young. I have a daughter who will likely require lifelong care whether that is with us or in some kind of assisted living facility so I've been forced to think about the dynamics of what I want when I'm older, whats good for her, how realistic is care for someone even if someone "doesnt' work" like my wife (she basically has a full time job she doesn't get paid for though with our kids
)Posted on 8/11/26 at 12:57 pm to Turnblad85
I told my wife and kids they can put me in a home they just have to keep me supplied in pudding to trade for pussy
Posted on 8/11/26 at 12:59 pm to Cheese Grits
quote:
my view, there is no such thing as Too Much
What if the parent was substandard? Lifelong alcoholic? Verbally abusive? Emotionally absent?
Do you give those people the same time as you would a committed parent?
Posted on 8/11/26 at 12:59 pm to Turnblad85
It’s a shame he and his mom didn’t discuss and maybe she leave her house to him since he moved in to help her. The grifters will gift for “their share.” People need to prepare for these times. Not all can just quit work or move or even handle older parents if invalid. Good to discuss and plan before it happens.
Posted on 8/11/26 at 12:59 pm to Turnblad85
This swims around my mind right now. My mother is about to be 74 and is in good shape but my stepfather passed a couple months ago. She was basically made to move on but fortunately she has the familial home and it is paid off though a lot of upkeep. Women on her side tend to live into their 90s and keep it together pretty well but this will require more of my attention down the road. Selling the property may become an option and getting her something smaller and easier to maintain while leaving her with money to go along with her maxed out social security. Not sure what this will mean for me. I have savings and retirement but it surely isn't enough. It makes me think I should get to draw social security early since to help and the government gets to take so much of people's funds as it is. Not sure what to do yet.
Posted on 8/11/26 at 1:04 pm to Dixie2023
quote:
shame he and his mom didn’t discuss and maybe she leave her house to him since he moved in to help her.
For sure. Difficult conversation to broach though. " Hey mom, since I'm doing all this shite for you, how about giving me something in return?
Really need a close family member or friend to bring it up with the parent.
Posted on 8/11/26 at 1:07 pm to Turnblad85
quote:
What if the parent was substandard? Lifelong alcoholic? Verbally abusive? Emotionally absent?
In my generation this was more the norm than the extreme
quote:
Do you give those people the same time as you would a committed parent?
Yes
Like I said, just raised in a different age and time.
Posted on 8/11/26 at 1:10 pm to Turnblad85
No. But if giving up everything I think it’s fair to discuss. You don’t? Not everyone can just do that. Kinda works both ways. In fact I’ve known of 2 who have turned over “their share” to a sibling who was able to care for bc lived in same town and they didn’t. They felt the sibling deserved it.
Posted on 8/11/26 at 1:10 pm to Turnblad85
Like most things in life I think it depends. I am going to do everything I possibly can to keep my mom at home and out of a nursing home. She’s always been there for me unconditionally and there’s not a thing in this world she wouldn’t do for me and she deserves the same from me.
Can’t say the same for my dad. I won’t just throw him in the nursing home but I don’t know that I’d go to the same lengths to keep him out of one - does that make me a bad person?
Can’t say the same for my dad. I won’t just throw him in the nursing home but I don’t know that I’d go to the same lengths to keep him out of one - does that make me a bad person?
Posted on 8/11/26 at 1:15 pm to Turnblad85
I wish my mom was still around for me to do too much for.
Posted on 8/11/26 at 1:17 pm to Red Stick Tigress
quote:
Sisterwitch put dad on hospice and he was dead 18 hours after first dose of morphine
Sorry for the loss of both parents. However, having run a hospice I can assure you one of 2 things is true.....
1) The family waited wayyyyyyyy too long to put your Dad on hospice and he was very far down the road to succumbing his illness. One dose of morphine didn't kill him unless she overdosed him. Most families wait way too long to start morphine for the very fear you are expressing, the patient suffers because of the wait, and one dose causing death is simply untrue unless overdosed or very, very ill.
2) He knew...or he was incapacited beyond being able to understand. Unless your Dad had dementia and was incapacitated, it is against the law for Sisterwitch, it hospice, to put him on hospice without his CONSENT AND a physician had to sign off on 6 months or less to live as well. It is Medicare fraud. He could have taken himself off anytime. So, something makes no sense here.
Again, very sorry for your loss, but you may have a little misplaced anger here.
Posted on 8/11/26 at 1:20 pm to Dixie2023
quote:
You don’t?
I do. Just can be hard to bring up with a parent that may be starting to lose full cognitive abilities or has too much pride to realize they need to be taken care of.
quote:
who have turned over “their share” to a sibling who was able to care for bc lived in same town and they didn’t. They felt the sibling
I know. The same. Right thing to do usually. 100k a year isn't excessive for full time care.
Posted on 8/11/26 at 1:26 pm to Turnblad85
Been there. Took care of my Grandfather and grandmother for years. Yeah it held me back but they saved my butt more than once when growing up. Don't regret it at all.
Posted on 8/11/26 at 2:03 pm to Turnblad85
My dad is my last living parent. He knows if his health starts to fail he can move here where I live, but I’m not giving up my career and life to take care of him.
Posted on 8/11/26 at 2:13 pm to Turnblad85
What will my nurse look like? I could use a vacation.
Posted on 8/11/26 at 2:15 pm to Turnblad85
I would do that for my spouse, but my parents wouldn’t want me to do that for them and I don’t want my kids to do it for me.
Posted on 8/11/26 at 2:27 pm to Tigahs24Seven
He wasn't complaining about feeling bad. Sisterwitch thought he might have congestive heart failure, but he was still mobile, getting up to go to the bathroom and kitchen table to eat. A person can live with CHF for a while or not... A person can live on hospice for a while, or not...
My dad didn't have one dose. He had 5 or 6. He had 2.5mg? every 3 hours until he passed out from all the doses. Took about 12 hours. Started meds at 5:30 p.m. and he was dead at 11:30 a.m. the following morning. Sisterwitch is a PhD and involved my brother (an M.D.) and I think they put a call into his PCP. I don't know who prescribed the drugs.
She did this a week before my mother's 90th birthday and my mother was shattered. Parents were together 76 years and married not quite four months shy of 69 years. My father was never diagnosed with dementia. My mother was listening to the meeting, not sure she understood that he could die in a few days. I also witnessed it but Sisterwitch had medical POA. Brother and his NP wife also had experience in hospice drugs. They handled the wife's grandparents hospice.
It isn't misplaced anger. The two siblings had full control over parents and subsequent deaths. I found out my mother died on Facebook when my nephew posted it.
We are talking about two shitty humans.
My dad didn't have one dose. He had 5 or 6. He had 2.5mg? every 3 hours until he passed out from all the doses. Took about 12 hours. Started meds at 5:30 p.m. and he was dead at 11:30 a.m. the following morning. Sisterwitch is a PhD and involved my brother (an M.D.) and I think they put a call into his PCP. I don't know who prescribed the drugs.
She did this a week before my mother's 90th birthday and my mother was shattered. Parents were together 76 years and married not quite four months shy of 69 years. My father was never diagnosed with dementia. My mother was listening to the meeting, not sure she understood that he could die in a few days. I also witnessed it but Sisterwitch had medical POA. Brother and his NP wife also had experience in hospice drugs. They handled the wife's grandparents hospice.
It isn't misplaced anger. The two siblings had full control over parents and subsequent deaths. I found out my mother died on Facebook when my nephew posted it.
We are talking about two shitty humans.
Posted on 8/11/26 at 2:30 pm to Turnblad85
quote:
How much would you do for your parent before it's "too much"?
In general, I would say that life is for the young. I am 64 this month. I have raised my kids, worked my career, and lived my life. There is much still to enjoy in life, but the majority of meaningful activity is in my past. I would rather die than have one of my kids sacrifice the prime of his life to take care of me, and I would not allow it. Nor would I have sacrificed mine for one of my parents.
Posted on 8/11/26 at 2:35 pm to Turnblad85
quote:
While its a noble thing to do, it also seems just too much of a sacrifice.
I just watched a great explanation of the "honor thy mother and father and your days will be long" commandment, which was rooted in exactly what you are discussing. Setting up your parents to be taken care of in their last days is an absolute virtue. It's cool, you wouldn't sacrafice for your parents like that. How you think that is something you wanted to tell everyone is beyond me, though.
Posted on 8/11/26 at 2:38 pm to Turnblad85
As an only child with a widowed mother who lives alone in Florida, I'm going to be dealing with this sometime in the near future.
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