re: What's the OTs thoughts/experiences with putting life on hold for elder care?

I have been doing this for my almost 90 year old father for the better pay of the last 2 years since he had a stroke. I am lucky enough to have 3 other siblings and we all rotate our time staying with him.

I also have CNAs that stay with him during the day.

In the beginning he was still mobile and it wasn't so hard. As he loses mobility he gets more depressed and or mad. Because of the dementia and the stroke, his memory is not very good and so that creates all kinds of challenges. Like when we sold his car because he couldn't drive it anymore and he was mad for a long time because his car was gone.

I pray I never put my children through the same.

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From my experience, usually the people virtue signaling about "honor thy father and mother no matter the circumstances", are also the ones that are suddenly busy and can't help right now.

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Whatever makes you feel better about yourself.

My dad looks after my 99 year old grandpa. He lives with him. He has 8 other siblings that do jack shite and it pisses me off because he can never come to Texas to visit me. I have a wife and my own kids now, just bought a house, etc, but never see my own father because his siblings won’t even watch my grandpa for one weekend. My dad is wasting the final years of his life doing this (he’s 75). I feel it’s too much, but he won’t ask for help at this point.

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My son told me he would take care of me in my old age until it was diaper changing time. Then it's off to the home.

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This is pretty much the correct answer.

My MIL was 78 when she moved in with us. She had just fallen for the second time in six months. First time wasn’t too bad as she fell as she had been in hallway and fell agains t wall and kinda slid down onto carpet. Wasn’t hurt but did lay there for a bit until we could get to her. Second time was in kitchen and fell completely over onto tile floor. Broke her arm.

When she moved in with us, she could walk short distances with aid of her walker. So she was able to walk herself to the toilet. Wife would assist her getting into and out of shower. We were able to leave her alone for long enough to go to work but couldn’t leave her for overnight trips anywhere. Her mobility declined over the next 5 years until she couldn’t walk even short distances anymore. Wife would have to help lift her into a wheelchair then wheel her to bathroom then lift her into shower and out again. Was taking a physical toll on my wife and neither would let me assist with shower time. That was the point the decision was made for her to go to assisted living.She has been there for 2 years now.

Interesting comments...



I know what I did, and why, and if necessary, will do it again.

I was fortunate to have the resources and work flexibility to take care of my mom and two wives. In the case of my marriages, I had taken a vow before God and that was important to me. I wasn't always the perfect husband, bur I certainly wasn't going to fail at this responsibility. It was a blessing, but it was heartbreaking.

I do recognize everyone's situation is different and "doing the right thing" can mean different things to different people.