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re: What's the OTs thoughts/experiences with putting life on hold for elder care?
Posted on 8/11/26 at 2:44 pm to Turnblad85
Posted on 8/11/26 at 2:44 pm to Turnblad85
In the OP’s example, was it necessary for the son to quit his job/career to care for the mom? If the mom lived an additional 13 years she couldn’t have been in that bad of shape at the beginning. Maybe as time passed.
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Posted on 8/11/26 at 2:51 pm to Red Stick Tigress
quote:
The two siblings had full control over parents and subsequent deaths. I found out my mother died on Facebook when my nephew posted it.
Man, that is tough, Tigress. I just don't get some people other than your assessment seems to be accurate.
My MIL is the last of my wife's and my parents- others died with spousal care and relatively short
terminal courses. She's 90+ and extremely frail with several comorbidities. Short term memory is shot but she's still pretty alert. Lives at her home but with our (mainly wife and SIL) care 24/7. I just retired and this is not the retirement I envisioned.
I haven't seen this in any posts yet, but "honor your father and mother" keep coming to mind and while that may look different for different people, it's a controlling maxim for us. I don't see how she can live much longer, I certainly wouldn't want to in her state, but this is what we've been dealt. I can't help but think there are lessons to be learned in going thru these processes that are otherwise short-circuited by artificial means. I don't advocate for delaying the inevitable but hurrying someone out of this life for convenience or money is wrong.
Posted on 8/11/26 at 2:52 pm to Turnblad85
My issue is that me and my wife are the most viable option for both her parents and mine. Her siblings aren't financially successful and are not responsible, and while mine are moreso, they live all over the world and I think their feelings are "put them in a home".
There's a chance I've got 4 old people living with me in the next decade
My wife doesn't work and she said she is willing to take the brunt of it, but man, that would change life a lot.
There's a chance I've got 4 old people living with me in the next decade
My wife doesn't work and she said she is willing to take the brunt of it, but man, that would change life a lot.
Posted on 8/11/26 at 3:02 pm to gungho
In our case, it wasn't about money. She has plenty as does the M.D. brother.
However, being the controlling bitch that she is, she took it upon herself to take over my inheritance via a trust, something I begged parents not to do.
I don't want to ever deal with my parents other children again in this lifetime, and the finances keep me attached.
However, being the controlling bitch that she is, she took it upon herself to take over my inheritance via a trust, something I begged parents not to do.
I don't want to ever deal with my parents other children again in this lifetime, and the finances keep me attached.
Posted on 8/11/26 at 3:11 pm to TheJunction
My parents would be thrilled to move into St James. Hell, I can’t wait to go myself.
Nobody will be living in my home. It is 3 stories… intentionally.
Nobody will be living in my home. It is 3 stories… intentionally.
Posted on 8/11/26 at 3:38 pm to Turnblad85
Mom had a stroke back in 2023, had to move in with me and my wife because of progressing dementia. It was fine at first, I could go about my day, run to the post office, dry cleaners, etc. mid morning and then be back for lunch time with mom.
Then, her dementia reached the point where she couldn’t be left alone. Things got tougher. Had to hire sitters to stay with her if we needed to go out of town for anything. Finally hired someone to sit with her three days a week, so I could help my wife with her business.
This lasted three years, until mom passed last month. Didn’t think I’d miss her because I had to put my life on hold for awhile but I do miss her. Just lucky I was retired from my paying job when this all happened.
Then, her dementia reached the point where she couldn’t be left alone. Things got tougher. Had to hire sitters to stay with her if we needed to go out of town for anything. Finally hired someone to sit with her three days a week, so I could help my wife with her business.
This lasted three years, until mom passed last month. Didn’t think I’d miss her because I had to put my life on hold for awhile but I do miss her. Just lucky I was retired from my paying job when this all happened.
Posted on 8/11/26 at 3:46 pm to Turnblad85
That’s tough.
My mom will probably take up rock climbing or something when she gets to that point before she’d let one of us do that.
My dad avoided this with his parents. His dad was independent and fine until dying suddenly at 86. A year later my grandma retired from bartending at 85 and moved to assisted living. She was a people person and loved having the captive audience assisted living gave her.
My mom will probably take up rock climbing or something when she gets to that point before she’d let one of us do that.
My dad avoided this with his parents. His dad was independent and fine until dying suddenly at 86. A year later my grandma retired from bartending at 85 and moved to assisted living. She was a people person and loved having the captive audience assisted living gave her.
Posted on 8/11/26 at 3:58 pm to Turnblad85
quote:
While its a noble thing to do, it also seems just too much of a sacrifice. Pats on the back will only get you so far. He effectively traded some of his best remaining years (and fkd himself financially) so his mother would not have to be in a nursing home.
On the other hand, I’d give away all my wealth now to be able to walk and talk again with my dad. There is no right or wrong here, but you are never wrong spending your time on earth caring for our family.
Posted on 8/11/26 at 4:11 pm to Turnblad85
Are you sone kind of Senior Aid? WTF do you know about ‘elder care?’
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