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How do you deal with the guilt of living far away from your aging parents?
Posted on 3/6/24 at 3:47 pm
Posted on 3/6/24 at 3:47 pm
Parents are my best friends but I wanted to venture out of Louisiana. It’s been a great decision but man do I miss them. They just entered their 70s and I feel like I’m missing out on their remaining years. If I want to see them or any other family I’ve got to get on a plane instead just driving to go see them. They’ve obviously been very supportive of my decision but will some times drop hints that they’d like me to come back. This sucks…
83
Posted on 3/6/24 at 3:48 pm to philly444
I'm an only child and it's enough to keep me from going anywhere before they pass.
Posted on 3/6/24 at 3:49 pm to philly444
If my parents weren’t alive I’d be living in Montana.
Posted on 3/6/24 at 3:50 pm to philly444
Mine are dead, I left after my Father passed away.
Posted on 3/6/24 at 3:50 pm to philly444
Be intentional. Visit when you can and find reasons to. Call frequently.
Now that I'm a dad with a lot going on, I sometimes feel my dad thinks I don't need him anymore. Which is awful and I can now more easily think about how I'd feel w/ my boys. So include him, text him about the game and let him be one of your first calls for your life events, etc.
They're going to be sad either way, I think the goal is to make sure they know how important they are to you even as you have no choice but to make your own path. And they understand that's how it has to be.
Now that I'm a dad with a lot going on, I sometimes feel my dad thinks I don't need him anymore. Which is awful and I can now more easily think about how I'd feel w/ my boys. So include him, text him about the game and let him be one of your first calls for your life events, etc.
They're going to be sad either way, I think the goal is to make sure they know how important they are to you even as you have no choice but to make your own path. And they understand that's how it has to be.
Posted on 3/6/24 at 3:51 pm to philly444
This is one of life's great dilemmas in my view. I have made the decision to remain close to my parents because I don't want to look back and regret not spending time with them.
Posted on 3/6/24 at 3:51 pm to philly444
We moved from Shreveport back to Huntsville after my mother had a stroke. So, I guess we didn’t feel guilty, more like…obligated.
It was a great decision that has worked out wonderfully for us. You never know how your path might change but still work out great.
It was a great decision that has worked out wonderfully for us. You never know how your path might change but still work out great.
This post was edited on 3/6/24 at 3:53 pm
Posted on 3/6/24 at 3:51 pm to philly444
Visit as much as you can
Posted on 3/6/24 at 3:51 pm to philly444
Call/face time them when you're feeling guilty. They'll appreciate it and it'll probably make you feel better too.
Posted on 3/6/24 at 3:51 pm to philly444
Ask them to move nearby. Would give them a bit of excitement/newness in their 70s and allow y'all to visit frequently.
Posted on 3/6/24 at 3:53 pm to philly444
well, you can learn at a young age that you'll never regret choosing family.
Posted on 3/6/24 at 3:56 pm to h0bnail
quote:
I'm an only child and it's enough to keep me from going anywhere before they pass.
Same. Mine are in their early 80’s and I need to stay around for them. It is what it is. With my youngest about to start college I’m starting to think about the options for where to move when my parents are gone
Posted on 3/6/24 at 3:58 pm to philly444
Move them to where you live.
Posted on 3/6/24 at 4:00 pm to philly444
Dad joined the Marines when he was 18 and stayed in the Marines for 32 years. He did not get to see his Dad that often due to where we lived, military commitments, etc.
I never saw his Dad other than when he was two and when my grandfather was about a week away from dying of cancer.
My little sister lived at the farm for years, mostly because it gave her a really nice, free place to live. She never did much to take care of my parents. She did end up inheriting most of the farm, so she worked them quite well.
I never saw his Dad other than when he was two and when my grandfather was about a week away from dying of cancer.
My little sister lived at the farm for years, mostly because it gave her a really nice, free place to live. She never did much to take care of my parents. She did end up inheriting most of the farm, so she worked them quite well.
Posted on 3/6/24 at 4:02 pm to philly444
If you have siblings living near them don't put the burden all on them when the time comes.
Posted on 3/6/24 at 4:03 pm to VetteGuy
Nowadays you can get just about anywhere with a couple hour flight, so I don't feel bad about it. You have to live your life.
Posted on 3/6/24 at 4:05 pm to philly444
It’s tough, but not just because of aging. I was the only child that lived away from home, and only Houston area at that. My son also missed out on having the same relationships that the other grandchildren had with my parents. Both of them are deceased now, but it got difficult when the end was near for my mom, as she was my last parent to pass away. It has caused great issues between my sister and me, though those have always been present. It really intensified during that time period and has not gotten better. Some of the issues were my own doing and I have taken responsibility for them, but it seems as though that’s not good enough, even after five years.
Posted on 3/6/24 at 4:15 pm to philly444
We just went through a bad experience with my wife's dad. Her parents divorced when she was young, her mother remarried and they moved to Alabama while her father was in Texas. When he retired, he moved to The Villages, FL, which is an even longer drive from our house. He recently had a stay in the hospital and was very upset we didn't come down there. It tore my wife up, she was on the phone with the hospital and him multiple times a day. But it was his choice to move so far away from his only child and grandkids so he can live his best life. He has cut off contact. He's always been an arse.
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