DOGE LA to be Lead by Todd Graves; Vows to Reduce Spending and Restore Chicken Finger Size

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BATON ROUGE, La. – Louisiana Governor Jeff Landry has tapped Raising Cane’s founder Todd Graves as the state’s first-ever Director of Government Efficiency (DOGE-LA).

Graves tells The Sadvocate he learned of the pending appointment weeks ago and immediately assembled a team of first-year Raising Cane’s drive-thru attendants, who have since filed dozens of FOIA requests—some of which have already been fulfilled.

“They’ve already uncovered millions in wasteful spending,” Graves said. “Their findings reveal that since 1990, the LADOTD has spent so much on bridge studies that they could have either built a solid gold bridge over the Mississippi River or bought a Caniac Combo with extra sauce, extra toast, and no slaw every day for two years.” Upon hearing that news, the head of LADOTD promptly ordered six new studies to determine what went wrong.

The team also flagged discrepancies in Governor Landry’s recent $5.5 million private jet purchase. “The buyer’s order shows a $3.5 million price tag, but the check was written for $5.5 million,” Graves said. “When I asked Landry why the state appears to have overpaid, he explained that the plane cost $3.5 million and the extra $2 million was for premium undercarriage protection, VIN etching, and an inspection sticker—then abruptly hung up on me.”

Several Louisiana residents grew suspicious of Graves’ motives when they began receiving Raising Cane’s coupons immediately after renewing their licenses or paying taxes. “I applied for unemployment and got a ‘BOGO Box Combo’ offer in the mail. What kind of dystopian loyalty program is this?” asked one local.

Graves dismissed the criticism, revealing his true mission: “If I can cut enough waste from the budget, I can return our chicken fingers and Cane’s Sauce containers to their original size—at no extra cost to the consumer. That’s my promise to Louisiana.”

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