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Started By
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re: Funniest One-liner Your HS Coach Ever Said To You
Posted on 8/10/25 at 1:46 pm to morganwadefan
Posted on 8/10/25 at 1:46 pm to morganwadefan
A coach and PE teacher, a 6'6" mountain of a man and OL for Bear Bryant in college. A race war brawl broke out in the lunch room and they sent that coach in to break it up. He started to get jumped by multiple black students (hated him as PE teacher). He got up on a table and started laying haymakers and calling his shots just like that ex-NHL guy on golf course. BAM! BAM! After he laid one of the kids out he yelled "Like a barber shop, 'NEXT!' " as black kids ran up to take him on. He continued to just crack skulls.
He was arrested and became a legend. They said he used his '78 and '79 Alabama National Championship rings like brass knuckles.
He returned the following year.
Its kind of corny and inside joke but the phrase "Like a barber shop, NEXT" became a saying at my school anytime a sport linked together multiple wins or the like. I can still picture him standing on that table just laying kids out with one punch.
He was arrested and became a legend. They said he used his '78 and '79 Alabama National Championship rings like brass knuckles.
He returned the following year. Its kind of corny and inside joke but the phrase "Like a barber shop, NEXT" became a saying at my school anytime a sport linked together multiple wins or the like. I can still picture him standing on that table just laying kids out with one punch.
1
Posted on 8/10/25 at 2:00 pm to Sun God
quote:
Why would any coach worry about a 4th string QB
I’ll tell you why that’s a stupid question. The starting QB was out after hernia surgery and the backup qb got a 3rd degree AC separation from our psycho LB in practice so we were down to our 3rd string.
Posted on 8/10/25 at 3:00 pm to morganwadefan
Our football coach always had these little quips.
“He’s quicker than a popcorn fart.”
“Faster than a water bug.”
“We’re gonna run that play until 32 gets polio.”
“Man it stinks in here. Ya’ll are gonna catch Mongolian Epizuddi, gonna make your peckers fall off.”
“He’s quicker than a popcorn fart.”
“Faster than a water bug.”
“We’re gonna run that play until 32 gets polio.”
“Man it stinks in here. Ya’ll are gonna catch Mongolian Epizuddi, gonna make your peckers fall off.”
Posted on 8/10/25 at 3:14 pm to morganwadefan
Our equipment room was in the locker room in high school. One day the cage got left open and a bunch of guys went in there took extra kneepads and stuff like that. Well, the coach that was in charge of the equipment goes in there after practice and notices that it’s a mess in there. He was an older guy probably around 60, a big man. He loses his mind and proceeds to tell us about how he coached a kid named Jeffrey Hammond, who was a good baseball player and actually made it to the major leagues. I think with the Orioles, but he tells us how when he coached Jeffrey Hammonds and he would see him on TV his nuts would swell up so full with pride that his wife would go get him an ice pack so he can get his nuts to go down but us, our team we make his nuts shrivel up because of things like this where we go in the equipment room and take stuff. Then he walked out mad as hell, when he walked out and that door closed everyone in the room, white, black, freshman, senior everybody just started busting out laughing. We still talk about that story to this day.
Posted on 8/10/25 at 4:01 pm to morganwadefan
Offensive line coach talking about a linebacker we were about to play when we were watching film.
“That son of bitch looks like Tarzan but plays like Jane”
“That son of bitch looks like Tarzan but plays like Jane”
Posted on 8/10/25 at 4:15 pm to morganwadefan
6 ‘P’s’;
Perfect Practice Prevents Piss Poor Performance
Perfect Practice Prevents Piss Poor Performance
Posted on 8/10/25 at 4:27 pm to St Augustine
quote:
Funniest interaction I ever had with a coach was my high school wrestling coach at brother martin.
Ray Charbonneau?
That dude scared me and I didn't go Brother Martin.
Posted on 8/10/25 at 4:43 pm to morganwadefan
Basketball. We were down at Halftime. Coach walks in. “Y’all are losing to the worst fricking team in the district. Now go shoot.”
Posted on 8/10/25 at 4:44 pm to morganwadefan
I just said this in another thread, but a drill went on too long and two offensive lineman fell into the back of our D Line coaches knees (he was watching another drill). Dude stood up and screamed that if we are going to blindside him, he better be paralyzed and ripped them a new a-hole for not permanently injuring him. It was fricking hilarious. Coach Collier from Live Oak for the win.
Posted on 8/10/25 at 4:57 pm to AutoYes_Clown
quote:
He was arrested
Travesty
Posted on 8/10/25 at 5:02 pm to LPgolfer
After homecoming game, “y’all have fun at the dance tomorrow night, be safe, don’t do anything stupid, be nice and courteous to your dates - wine em and dine em and after the dance you just might get to sixty-nine em…”
Posted on 8/10/25 at 5:22 pm to morganwadefan
Line up in alphabetical order according to height
Posted on 8/10/25 at 5:50 pm to morganwadefan
I was scrawny and had no business playing football. Head coach yelled at me one practice: “hell son, if you jumped out of a boat, you couldn’t hit the water!”
He was right
He was right
Posted on 8/10/25 at 5:53 pm to morganwadefan
To his own son - "I told your Mamma I wouldn't hit you anymore - so don't give me a reason."
Posted on 8/10/25 at 5:58 pm to morganwadefan
In the locker room - y’all get in them showers. Don’t be bashful, we’re all created equal, though some of us are more equal than others.
Posted on 8/10/25 at 6:15 pm to 9rocket
In a coed PE class where we wore our own shorts and tshirts from home, the 8th grade daughter of the parish superintendent of schools was one day wearing a jersey with 00. Someone asked her what the 00 was for, and the basketball coach immediately said, “It’s her bra size.”
Somehow, I don’t think that would fly today.
Somehow, I don’t think that would fly today.
Posted on 8/10/25 at 6:22 pm to morganwadefan
After football practice, it was a requirement to take a shower. The showers were all in a big shower room with no walls. As a freshman, I was not real happy about this, but had to do it. There was a big black dude named Pat that was a senior. He was a bowed up running back/linebacker. There was a big wooden box fan in the locker room by the shower. He came walking through buck naked and was hung like a freaking mule. Coach was standing there, looked at him, and said “Pat, don’t get too close to that fan”.
Posted on 8/10/25 at 6:22 pm to morganwadefan
”Lowe, I’m not going to say that was a dumb thing to do. It would be flat wrong for me to call a kid dumb. But are you retarded?”
Posted on 8/10/25 at 6:51 pm to morganwadefan
Are you nervous?
Then why did you shite your pants?
Then why did you shite your pants?
Posted on 8/10/25 at 8:40 pm to morganwadefan
Defense against scout team offense. Coach explains how to read the QB in a veer offense. DL has to watch QB and react to specific movement. Ran same play over & over. DL would simply make his move because it was repetition and not from keying on the QB movement. He blew up the play every time.
Coach chewed his arse, told him “he was a Wednesday hero and a Friday night frick-up.”
Coach chewed his arse, told him “he was a Wednesday hero and a Friday night frick-up.”
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