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re: Need advice
Posted on 7/24/23 at 1:46 pm to BoudinChicot
Posted on 7/24/23 at 1:46 pm to BoudinChicot
quote:
Seems like you're leaving some stuff out if she's so vehemently opposed to having you being closer and a part of the sons life.
I made a lot of mistakes but I never abused her or cheated on her.
I’ll admit I’m not the smartest guy. After he was born we had to do a lot of paperwork to transition both of them from California to Dubai and I screwed up on some of the documents. When we were rotating shifts on who was watching him, I failed to set my alarm a couple times and ended up sleeping for 7-8 hours which she was not happy about. There was a week where I couldn’t do anything right, from wrapping his diaper tight enough to where it wouldn’t leak to not getting all the groceries. A big one was I lied about my hours at work. I left at 1 to go to work at 2 only to find out I was scheduled until 5( honest mistake) and instead of telling her the truth and doing something positive like go get groceries, I went to my apartment and slept until work at 5.
I am a recovering addict and after leaving them both in Dubai and coming back home I relapsed but have recovered. I’m sure that’s a reason she doesn’t want me around.
14
Posted on 7/24/23 at 1:46 pm to CaliTigerHB
quote:
Dubai in the UAE
Has like 4 million people. You could move there and literally never see her if you wanted to.
Posted on 7/24/23 at 1:49 pm to CaliTigerHB
quote:
I’ll admit I’m not the smartest guy. After he was born we had to do a lot of paperwork to transition both of them from California to Dubai and I screwed up on some of the documents. When we were rotating shifts on who was watching him, I failed to set my alarm a couple times and ended up sleeping for 7-8 hours which she was not happy about. There was a week where I couldn’t do anything right, from wrapping his diaper tight enough to where it wouldn’t leak to not getting all the groceries. A big one was I lied about my hours at work. I left at 1 to go to work at 2 only to find out I was scheduled until 5( honest mistake) and instead of telling her the truth and doing something positive like go get groceries, I went to my apartment and slept until work at 5.
I am a recovering addict and after leaving them both in Dubai and coming back home I relapsed but have recovered. I’m sure that’s a reason she doesn’t want me around.
Ok I'm done trolling.
Your first step should be getting yourself in order. It sounds like you're still a mess, and that's the reason your ex left with your son. Get into counseling and a recovery program, get your shite straight, then worry about being there for your son. If you somehow get back into his life and you're still making mistakes like this, you're not doing anyone any good.
Posted on 7/24/23 at 1:50 pm to CaliTigerHB
You should always put the child first given the situation that you've described the child can't really make a lot of choices for himself so I think the smart thing to do is to maintain some sort of holiday only birthday contact.
But let the child know and insist that the mother let the child know that if the child wants to reach out and develop a relationship later when they can understand what they're doing a little better then you ought to be open to that that's tough on you but being a parent is hard
But let the child know and insist that the mother let the child know that if the child wants to reach out and develop a relationship later when they can understand what they're doing a little better then you ought to be open to that that's tough on you but being a parent is hard
Posted on 7/24/23 at 1:51 pm to CaliTigerHB
Fight, fight, and fight some more. This isn’t about you, this about your son. A part time dad is far better than no dad.
Posted on 7/24/23 at 1:52 pm to CaliTigerHB
quote:
I’ll admit I’m not the smartest guy. After he was born we had to do a lot of paperwork to transition both of them from California to Dubai and I screwed up on some of the documents. When we were rotating shifts on who was watching him, I failed to set my alarm a couple times and ended up sleeping for 7-8 hours which she was not happy about. There was a week where I couldn’t do anything right, from wrapping his diaper tight enough to where it wouldn’t leak to not getting all the groceries. A big one was I lied about my hours at work. I left at 1 to go to work at 2 only to find out I was scheduled until 5( honest mistake) and instead of telling her the truth and doing something positive like go get groceries, I went to my apartment and slept until work at 5.
I am a recovering addict and after leaving them both in Dubai and coming back home I relapsed but have recovered. I’m sure that’s a reason she doesn’t want me around.
you kind of sound like a frick up and the mother went across the world to get away from you. good luck.
Posted on 7/24/23 at 1:52 pm to CaliTigerHB
quote:
I am a recovering addict and after leaving them both in Dubai and coming back home I relapsed but have recovered. I’m sure that’s a reason she doesn’t want me around.
Sounds like she made the right decision leaving the country
Posted on 7/24/23 at 1:53 pm to GumboDave
quote:
If you care about the child you move closer. This isn't a question. Being a parent means endless sacrifice for the better of the child. Moving to UAE probably is not what you want to do, but its best for the child.
How about we apply this to the mother too?
Maybe she needs to sacrifice by not taking the child and moving halfway around the world?
Posted on 7/24/23 at 1:56 pm to CaliTigerHB
I got to page 3, but just kept wondering. Why would you not want to financially support your child?
You gave her 100% custody, and agreed to provide nothing for your kid. Sounds like you gave your rights up. I don't blame her, I blame you. What a fricking dolt.
And I feel bad for the kid. When he's old enough, she will tell your child what you agreed to and your son will think you don't give a shite about him. That's exactly what I would think, & probably 99% of the people here.
You put money over your own flesh and blood and now you're feeling guilty & it's eating at you, as it should. Do the right thing, get an attorney, and be in your son's life.
You gave her 100% custody, and agreed to provide nothing for your kid. Sounds like you gave your rights up. I don't blame her, I blame you. What a fricking dolt.
And I feel bad for the kid. When he's old enough, she will tell your child what you agreed to and your son will think you don't give a shite about him. That's exactly what I would think, & probably 99% of the people here.
You put money over your own flesh and blood and now you're feeling guilty & it's eating at you, as it should. Do the right thing, get an attorney, and be in your son's life.
Posted on 7/24/23 at 1:56 pm to CaliTigerHB
quote:
What do I do here? There’s no chance of his mother and I ever getting back together. She’d rather me out of the picture completely. Do I keep going through the heartbreak of seeing him just a couple times a year or do I move on and wait until he’s older to try and develop a connection when he can understand?
Move closer so you can see him more
Posted on 7/24/23 at 1:57 pm to CaliTigerHB
Sack up and get your shite together.
Best way to show her you deserve to be in their lives is by example.
Hell, if you're an addict Dubai is probably the best place for you. Don't they delete people for doing drugs over there?
Best way to show her you deserve to be in their lives is by example.
Hell, if you're an addict Dubai is probably the best place for you. Don't they delete people for doing drugs over there?
Posted on 7/24/23 at 1:58 pm to CaliTigerHB
quote:
wanted to but she has a lot of animosity towards me and just flat out said it ruin her and our sons life if I did because her friends hate and me being there she would have to fit in plans for me to see him in her already busy schedule
Well frick her. You have rights as a father. Don’t move so close that you’re going to actually run into her, but to where you can easily have shared custody
Posted on 7/24/23 at 1:58 pm to CaliTigerHB
quote:You are only as much of a father as you choose to be.
CaliTigerHB
Posted on 7/24/23 at 2:00 pm to CaliTigerHB
1) Does she have oil money? If so, you fricked up!
2) Not sure what you do for a living, but could it be done in the UAE?
3) It's your son. frick her feelings. She can't stop you from moving there and be part of your sons life.
2) Not sure what you do for a living, but could it be done in the UAE?
3) It's your son. frick her feelings. She can't stop you from moving there and be part of your sons life.
Posted on 7/24/23 at 2:01 pm to TideHater
quote:
He is only a year or so old so you cant be that attached.
You either don't have kids, or are a horrible father.
Posted on 7/24/23 at 2:01 pm to CaliTigerHB
Move closer and be a father, or suffer with regret for the rest of your life. The choice is yours, but better believe you will have to answer for your choices eventually.
Posted on 7/24/23 at 2:03 pm to CaliTigerHB
quote:
I am a recovering addict and after leaving them both in Dubai and coming back home I relapsed but have recovered.
Either get sober right now forever or spare your poor kid the pain of a relationship with you.
Posted on 7/24/23 at 2:06 pm to CaliTigerHB
You are an addict who was not concerned protecting your son's safety by not getting custody rights on paper. You need to think about changing your life in terms of years now.
1. Get clean for a year maybe two. No mom is going to let an addict around a kid.
2. Get legal advice for your custody. It's unlikely that you are not paying child support without court orders. Are you working bc you could be in arrears.
3. Whatever you are doing for FaceTime you need to double or triple it. You need to see your kid and he needs to see you.
1. Get clean for a year maybe two. No mom is going to let an addict around a kid.
2. Get legal advice for your custody. It's unlikely that you are not paying child support without court orders. Are you working bc you could be in arrears.
3. Whatever you are doing for FaceTime you need to double or triple it. You need to see your kid and he needs to see you.
Posted on 7/24/23 at 2:06 pm to CaliTigerHB
He's your son. Be his dad no matter the effort required and it hurts to say goodbye and always will, but you do it for him and you do it for you. Eventually and hopefully when he is an adult, you will benefit to a better more fulfilling relationship.
My ex hated me, but frick her. I had two and never let her win. Today I have great relationships and they understand what their mom did.
My ex hated me, but frick her. I had two and never let her win. Today I have great relationships and they understand what their mom did.
This post was edited on 7/24/23 at 2:13 pm
Posted on 7/24/23 at 2:06 pm to CaliTigerHB
quote:
I am a recovering addict and after leaving them both in Dubai and coming back home I relapsed but have recovered. I’m sure that’s a reason she doesn’t want me around.
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