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re: Need advice
Posted on 7/24/23 at 2:07 pm to CaliTigerHB
Posted on 7/24/23 at 2:07 pm to CaliTigerHB
quote:
I am a recovering addict and after leaving them both in Dubai and coming back home I relapsed but have recovered. I’m sure that’s a reason she doesn’t want me around.
If you care about your recovery, you know you can’t give up on your baby. It will haunt you forever.
0
Posted on 7/24/23 at 2:10 pm to CaliTigerHB
quote:
Dubai in the UAE
Just go over there and tell them she's a whore. They'll bludgeon her to death with big fricking rocks and then you get the kid.
Aloha snackbar!
Posted on 7/24/23 at 2:10 pm to CaliTigerHB
quote:
He’s still my son and I feel a responsibility to be in his life but when his mother hates me that makes it difficult
Life is difficult.
Look, if you’re looking for reassurances that it’s ok to bail on your son, you’re probably not going to find much of that here. If you’re genuinely wanting to be an active father, then consult with an attorney. You have options.
Oh, I wanted to add this. Her friends opinion of you does not matter. Her own opinion of you does not matter. Your sons eventual opinion of you is the only opinion that matters. You have control on how that opinion will be formed.
Man up.
Posted on 7/24/23 at 2:13 pm to CaliTigerHB
quote:
I am a recovering addict and after leaving them both in Dubai and coming back home I relapsed but have recovered. I’m sure that’s a reason she doesn’t want me around.
I appreciate your honesty. Still, man up. All in.
Otherwise, this decision will be the one that leads to each future relapse. Bank on it.
Posted on 7/24/23 at 2:14 pm to CaliTigerHB
quote:
I feel a responsibility to be in his life but when his mother hates me that makes it difficult
boo hoo, you showed to be selfish and unreliable. on top of being a back and forth recovering addict. you need to acknowledge that you are to blame and explain to the mother that you are glad to have a baby momma that prioritizes NOTHING over what's best for your son. you have to earn respect and fatherhood by doing and being accountable.
Posted on 7/24/23 at 2:14 pm to CaliTigerHB
Unless you move to Dubai or get 50/50 custody, your son wont know you. Seeing him every 6 months, frick that. I'd rather be out of his life completely. It would be easier on both.
Posted on 7/24/23 at 2:14 pm to CaliTigerHB
My son just turned one. I love my wife and I can’t see us getting divorced. But if something were to happen there would be nothing that would stop me from being able to see my children everyday.
I don’t have an answer but you need to figure out a way and make that shite happen. There are enough sorry sacks of shite as fathers out there. Don’t be another one
I don’t have an answer but you need to figure out a way and make that shite happen. There are enough sorry sacks of shite as fathers out there. Don’t be another one
Posted on 7/24/23 at 2:19 pm to CaliTigerHB
quote:That sucks and I wish you the best in your recovery. You need to get a modification that provides for at least a minimum level of visitation (supervised if the addict thing is a concern to her) and some level of child support.
I am a recovering addict and after leaving them both in Dubai and coming back home I relapsed but have recovered. I’m sure that’s a reason she doesn’t want me around.
Posted on 7/24/23 at 2:27 pm to CaliTigerHB
He's your kid. As awkward as it is you have to maintain contact. I would go beyond the facetime or phone conversations. I'd write to him, draw lots of pictures like a comic book... keep that 100% regular, pick your schedule and never break it. I'd give him jokes and humor and stories of you and your ancestors. The thing is to offer your self as a father, consistently and without fail in whatever manner you can. Send him books, toys. She can be whoever she is and he may be in her clutches but You must be a father. He's in the world, he's your blood. Fatherhood, even in good circumstances, is a lot of putting one foot in front of the other because it's the right thing to do.
Posted on 7/24/23 at 2:29 pm to CaliTigerHB
quote:
Your first step should be getting yourself in order. It sounds like you're still a mess, and that's the reason your ex left with your son. Get into counseling and a recovery program, get your shite straight, then worry about being there for your son. If you somehow get back into his life and you're still making mistakes like this, you're not doing anyone any good.
This. You have to fix yourself before you can raise a child. It's going to take time, you will just have to be patient with the process.
In addiction recovery, there's a bit of a U or J shape to many recoveries. You plummet down, start recovering and then want to shoot right back up to where you were. True recovery doesn't happen like that, it's a long and constant battle that generally needs the person to change the mindset and habits which are more likely to lead them to falling off the wagon again.
Because of this rollercoaster effect (and possibly her personality, if she's the domineering type), she's going to balk when you tell her your plan to eventually move out there. When you tell her your plan, keep this in mind and maybe even preface it with that such a move won't be tomorrow, next week, next month or likely even next year. Let her know that it's going to be a work in progress and that you're not even going to begin making plans for it until you honestly feel you've reached a maintainable sobriety (which will include better ways of coping with the ups and downs of life than use of drinks and/or drugs).
Good luck and don't rush the process.
Posted on 7/24/23 at 2:30 pm to CaliTigerHB
quote:
I am a recovering addict
Your side just lost a lot of support from me. I wish you well on recovery, but if my kid's mother was an addict, I wouldn't want her anywhere near the kid.
Unfortunately, your poor choices are now coming back to haunt you and it's your own fault.
Now...you can fix it. You have to fix yourself first and then maybe you can fix things with your son. If you want to see your son EVER, then you need to get clean for the rest of your life. If you cannot do that, then you don't deserve your son.
Posted on 7/24/23 at 2:32 pm to WDE24
In high school, I lived on the other side of the world with my dad. My mom was in the US. I saw her every six months. I still think it effects her to this day.
Having kids myself now, there is no way I'd ever agree to a situation like this, or whatever my mom and dad agreed to.
I too have been divorced. The only thing I fought for was time with my kids, which is double the standard state laws. I figured I'd always make more money, but I can't make more time. Never regretted it.
Go be with your son. Every day that passes is one you can't get back.
Having kids myself now, there is no way I'd ever agree to a situation like this, or whatever my mom and dad agreed to.
I too have been divorced. The only thing I fought for was time with my kids, which is double the standard state laws. I figured I'd always make more money, but I can't make more time. Never regretted it.
Go be with your son. Every day that passes is one you can't get back.
Posted on 7/24/23 at 2:48 pm to Tiger HouTX
Move to be close to your son. Help support the mother of your child even if she doesnt want it.
Be there to give your child love and shape him into a good person. You can do it man. I promise if you completely sell out for your kid you wont regret it on your death bed.
Be there to give your child love and shape him into a good person. You can do it man. I promise if you completely sell out for your kid you wont regret it on your death bed.
Posted on 7/24/23 at 2:50 pm to CaliTigerHB
With all the pussy in California you had to go knock up one from a foreign country?
This post was edited on 7/24/23 at 4:39 pm
Posted on 7/24/23 at 2:52 pm to CaliTigerHB
Tough situation. It’s good that you feel something. This means you aren’t the bad guy here, just stuck in a bad situation.
Is there any way you can move there? What country is it?
Is there any way you can move there? What country is it?
Posted on 7/24/23 at 3:00 pm to CaliTigerHB
quote:
wanted to but she has a lot of animosity towards me and just flat out said it ruin her and our sons life if I did because her friends hate and me being there she would have to fit in plans for me to see him in her already busy schedule
It’s your son don’t try to accommodate her. I’d pursue partial custody if she isn’t allowing the situation where you get to see your son often enough
Posted on 7/24/23 at 3:03 pm to Jake88
quote:
Dubai in the UAEHmm, men's rights vs women's rights.
Yea Dubai gives him lots of options. He probably could move there and have her thrown in jail for not accommodating him
Posted on 7/24/23 at 3:10 pm to CaliTigerHB
quote:Your heartbreak now, or his heartbreak later and forever. I hope you can find a way to stay connected, for both of your sakes.
Do I keep going through the heartbreak of seeing him just a couple times a year
Posted on 7/24/23 at 3:15 pm to CaliTigerHB
quote:
I am a recovering addict and after leaving them both in Dubai and coming back home I relapsed but have recovered. I’m sure that’s a reason she doesn’t want me around.
Get your stuff together first before you move on to step 2. The other mistakes sound like your immature. Kick the drugs and develop some maturity then be a part of your sons life, even if its a small part. When he gets older be the type of man that he knows will be there for him. Not the type of man that is going to run to the bottle or drugs when things get hard.
Posted on 7/24/23 at 3:16 pm to CaliTigerHB
quote:
Dubai in the UAE
I hear the government sentences women to get stoned to death there all the time
It doesn’t sound like a bad way to go honestly. I wonder if you smoke it or do edibles
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