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Started By
Message
re: Genuine OT help on a new engagee
Posted on 10/9/23 at 6:00 am to RocketPower13
Posted on 10/9/23 at 6:00 am to RocketPower13
Tell her the lack of progress is a concern, see how selfish she is with her response.
If you have been together years and living together whats she getting out of marrying you? Shes probably getting everything she wants without a marriage. I see a lot of red flags here.
She's worried abour accomodating everyone and elderly relatives but wants them all to spend thousands of dollars to fly to and stay in Hawaii???? This is crazy level thinking.
If you have been together years and living together whats she getting out of marrying you? Shes probably getting everything she wants without a marriage. I see a lot of red flags here.
She's worried abour accomodating everyone and elderly relatives but wants them all to spend thousands of dollars to fly to and stay in Hawaii???? This is crazy level thinking.
This post was edited on 10/9/23 at 6:02 am
1
Posted on 10/9/23 at 6:07 am to RocketPower13
quote:
Any advice??
Accept the fact that you will not please everyone, there will still be people that feel they need to be pleased, and don’t worry about it. Your wedding should be fun.
Posted on 10/9/23 at 6:10 am to RocketPower13
Friend,
Find a church with a nice church hall attached. Catering, photos, and flowers are all you have to worry about after that. If the wedding is in New Orleans I could be your wedding planner and I have no fees.
Yours,
TulaneLSU
Find a church with a nice church hall attached. Catering, photos, and flowers are all you have to worry about after that. If the wedding is in New Orleans I could be your wedding planner and I have no fees.
Yours,
TulaneLSU
Posted on 10/9/23 at 6:11 am to RocketPower13
Posted on 10/9/23 at 6:14 am to RocketPower13
I’m not sure how it is not obvious to you yet but you need to scratch the idea of having a destination wedding and do something with less moving parts. Tho I feel like the real problem is you aren’t sure if she wants to marry you or not
Posted on 10/9/23 at 6:15 am to elprez00
Your excited ..Shes excites. Not many other folks are excited.
I got married on an Island as well..in Florida.
Keep it close to home not everybody has a week or two vacation time and a couple Grand to burn on YOUR wedding.
I got married on an Island as well..in Florida.
Keep it close to home not everybody has a week or two vacation time and a couple Grand to burn on YOUR wedding.
Posted on 10/9/23 at 6:25 am to RocketPower13
I had a friend go through this. They tried to do a destination wedding. Chaos.
They gave in to family and switched to stateside for a big wedding. Still chaos.
Then he called and said “frick it all, we’ve rented a dinner cruise boat in two weeks, whoever can make it can be there.”
They catered it with BBQ and had another friend’s band play. It was a good time.
They gave in to family and switched to stateside for a big wedding. Still chaos.
Then he called and said “frick it all, we’ve rented a dinner cruise boat in two weeks, whoever can make it can be there.”
They catered it with BBQ and had another friend’s band play. It was a good time.
Posted on 10/9/23 at 6:37 am to RocketPower13
Go get a member of the clergy to marry you at one of your parents' homes. Only immediate family attends. Use the money you save as a home down payment. If you already have a home, put the money away for retirement.
Either way you will be married. One way you will be financially savvy and get ahead in life. One way you will be married and broke.
Either way you will be married. One way you will be financially savvy and get ahead in life. One way you will be married and broke.
Posted on 10/9/23 at 6:50 am to RocketPower13
quote:
Get out while you can
Good advice here. We spent about $1,000 on our wedding. That was cheap even 36 years ago.
Posted on 10/9/23 at 7:01 am to RocketPower13
I ain’t reading all that shite, but I think I got the gist of it.
My wife and I put a 1 month moratorium on even discussing the wedding after getting engaged. I would tell people that when they immediately would ask the date. We really started planning / looking for venues about 3 months in.
Give yourself ~2 months or so to decompress and enjoy engaged life. Then start talking locations and venues. Once you figure that out, then things fall into place much easier.
Good luck
My wife and I put a 1 month moratorium on even discussing the wedding after getting engaged. I would tell people that when they immediately would ask the date. We really started planning / looking for venues about 3 months in.
Give yourself ~2 months or so to decompress and enjoy engaged life. Then start talking locations and venues. Once you figure that out, then things fall into place much easier.
Good luck
Posted on 10/9/23 at 7:02 am to Lester Earl
She's a people pleaser, she wants the destination wedding, which could care less but I'm all in with her and what she wants. But she wants to make sure it can accommodate all of our family members across the states; her brides mades and some family are in Alaska. I want it to be her day and our union. That's the only guarantee. We've been in love from day 1, I mean that literally. I want her happiness, that's it. I know this means the world to her and I told her I can help in any way possible but she's overwhelmed and she just wants the perfect wedding without the headaches
Posted on 10/9/23 at 7:05 am to Strannix
quote:
Get out while you can, I have an amazing wife, she bought a CZ off Amazon and we got married in the back yard.
You are going to flush 50k on a party. I feel like there is an undertone in your post, do you think shes only dragging her feet on wedding planning?
So many ways to approach this.
Good for you that you and your wife had the ring and wedding you wanted. Not everyone wants a giant wedding and a party, which is fine.
However don’t look down on people who do and can afford it. Spending your money on what you want is not flushing anything. It may be in your opinion, but they’re not spending your money.
Posted on 10/9/23 at 7:08 am to hellifiknow
quote:
We spent about $1,000 on our wedding. That was cheap even 36 years ago.
I have 3 older sisters and 2 of the 3 find out their wedding budget, had an amazing ceremony, low key, and saved the rest or spent it on the honeymoon. I want my future wife to have the dream wedding, but it has to be her dream, not predicated on anyone else. That means she can't please everyone and will need, at whatever point she chooses, to make some choices.
The main reason I reached out to the OT is bc we talked about all this beforehand
Posted on 10/9/23 at 7:11 am to RocketPower13
quote:
She's a people pleaser, she wants the destination wedding, which could care less but I'm all in with her and what she wants. But she wants to make sure it can accommodate all of our family members across the states; her brides mades and some family are in Alaska. I want it to be her day and our union. That's the only guarantee. We've been in love from day 1, I mean that literally. I want her happiness, that's it. I know this means the world to her and I told her I can help in any way possible but she's overwhelmed and she just wants the perfect wedding without the headaches
Look here brother -- I was an elopement type and we had a destination wedding as a happy medium. You ain't going to be able to please everybody.
Focus on things in this order:
1. Destination that makes YOU and HER happy and is not over the top. I.E. Somewhere people can fly within US/Canada/Mexico and then drive (<3 hours). If it's somewhere people can fly to direct, thats definitly better.
Destination also is great for another reason -- it weeds out the herd. The people you care about being there will be there.
2. Having things at the wedding that make you happy but also considering things that your guest will enjoy. IE, don't be like my dickhead friend having black tie in the woods in 90 degree weather...
3. Family considerations -- honestly, you can't let memaw drive you wedding decisions. My wife's grandparents wouldn't have really been fit to travel anywhere more than 15 min from their home anyway. We did our destination wedding and then we did a church thing back in her area with a party with her big arse extended family.
This post was edited on 10/9/23 at 7:11 am
Posted on 10/9/23 at 7:11 am to RocketPower13
quote:
want her happiness, that's it.
I understand your premise here, but you can't want her happiness more than she does.
quote:
I know this means the world to her and I told her I can help in any way possible but she's overwhelmed and she just wants the perfect wedding without the headaches
Get the word "perfect" out of your head. A newborn baby is perfect. A wedding is not and will never be.
It appears that both of you are allowing the need to satisfy others to ruin what is meant to be the day for the two of you. You're both too focused on the "event." Yes, it's a special day, but it's just ONE day. I see and hear far too many people do this. Statistically, most marriages don't work. And they are far less likely to work the second and third time around. I don't say this to scare you. I say this to put the focus on the days after the "event" in order to have the most success possible and not be "let down" after the wedding day - which so many people look forward to, yet fail to realize is only the start of your marriage --- and not the climax.
My suggestion to you is to keep it simple. If she can't or won't make a decision and is too overwhelmed by the stress of trying to please everyone, shift the focus to strictly back to her and you. It's okay to be respectfully selfish.
Less is more and bigger is not always better.
This post was edited on 10/9/23 at 7:14 am
Posted on 10/9/23 at 7:12 am to RocketPower13
No way to make everyone happy. She needs to just focus on y’all happiness.
And the desire for a destination wedding AND making sure everyone can attend won’t work. Accept it now. If you can’t convince her to accept that basic logical fact then you’ll struggle to convince her of anything based in logic for the entirety of your marriage and it’ll drive you crazy.
Grow a pair and tell her what needs to be done. She can make the choices but she’s got to start.
And the desire for a destination wedding AND making sure everyone can attend won’t work. Accept it now. If you can’t convince her to accept that basic logical fact then you’ll struggle to convince her of anything based in logic for the entirety of your marriage and it’ll drive you crazy.
Grow a pair and tell her what needs to be done. She can make the choices but she’s got to start.
Posted on 10/9/23 at 7:12 am to RocketPower13
Plan a dignified, low-budget wedding and reception close to where family and friends live.
Guests bring the flowers, you supply booze and home-cooked food.
Spend your real money on the honeymoon, up to a point.
Do not pile on personal debt for any of this.
[Or go old-school and have the father-of-the-bride pay for everything.]
Guests bring the flowers, you supply booze and home-cooked food.
Spend your real money on the honeymoon, up to a point.
Do not pile on personal debt for any of this.
[Or go old-school and have the father-of-the-bride pay for everything.]
Posted on 10/9/23 at 7:13 am to RocketPower13
quote:
I have 3 older sisters and 2 of the 3 find out their wedding budget, had an amazing ceremony, low key, and saved the rest or spent it on the honeymoon. I want my future wife to have the dream wedding, but it has to be her dream, not predicated on anyone else. That means she can't please everyone and will need, at whatever point she chooses, to make some choices.
The main reason I reached out to the OT is bc we talked about all this beforehand
Definitely have a planner -- and a good one. Was worth every penny.
My buddy had this grand wedding, but cheaped out and went with the lowest on planner -- and he definitely got what he paid for...
Posted on 10/9/23 at 7:14 am to RocketPower13
Don’t waste your money on a wedding
Posted on 10/9/23 at 7:17 am to RocketPower13
quote:
quote from her mum in an Australian accent ??. She doesn't have the accent however
Bummer, mate.
And I'm getting some strange vibes from your post. Sounds similar to my ex-wife. Notice I said "ex"
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