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re: Genuine OT help on a new engagee
Posted on 10/9/23 at 7:18 am to Strannix
Posted on 10/9/23 at 7:18 am to Strannix
quote:
She's worried abour accomodating everyone and elderly relatives but wants them all to spend thousands of dollars to fly to and stay in Hawaii???? This is crazy level thinking.
I agree 100%. Y'all are out of your minds if you think that a lot of family/friends will be following you to Hawaii to attend your wedding. Hell, even if you paid for their flights and hotel a lot still might not go b/c it's a big time commitment, in addition to financial burden.
1
Posted on 10/9/23 at 7:19 am to RocketPower13
Destination wedding is the height of selfishness.
Posted on 10/9/23 at 7:20 am to Tiger Ryno
quote:Destined for failure.
Destination wedding is the height of selfishness.
Posted on 10/9/23 at 7:22 am to RocketPower13
I don't like weddings at all and would rather have a root canal than attend one. I told my SO that we are going to elope and spend the money a wedding would cost on a nice honeymoon.
Posted on 10/9/23 at 7:24 am to RocketPower13
As a one time bride, and the mother of married children, I would suggest that you drop the idea of a destination wedding and just hire a wedding planner and do something closer to home.
It’s about making a life time commitment to each other, not providing a huge cocktail party for people, who are going to resent having the expense of a costly destination wedding.
Neither you nor your bride are going to enjoy the day if she is stressed out on details that will have absolutely nothing to do with whether or not you’ll be happy together.
You’re getting married because you love each other, not because you want to put on a show.
It’s about making a life time commitment to each other, not providing a huge cocktail party for people, who are going to resent having the expense of a costly destination wedding.
Neither you nor your bride are going to enjoy the day if she is stressed out on details that will have absolutely nothing to do with whether or not you’ll be happy together.
You’re getting married because you love each other, not because you want to put on a show.
Posted on 10/9/23 at 7:26 am to RocketPower13
You named yourself after a children’s tv show and then bring your gf to where it was filmed?
Hopefully between the wars in Israel and Ukraine we’ll get a draft so you millenials will finally grow up
Hopefully between the wars in Israel and Ukraine we’ll get a draft so you millenials will finally grow up
Posted on 10/9/23 at 7:29 am to RocketPower13
quote:
RocketPower13
Posted on 10/9/23 at 7:30 am to RocketPower13
She’s stressed. Here’s what you do:
Give her space. Be there for her but don’t talk about it unless she’s talking about it. Let her know you’re there to help. Ask her to pick ten things she doesn’t want to be in charge of then offer to do those instead. Don’t brush off giving your opinion when she asks, and remember that the best remedy for stress is the act of making love. Next time you’re gone for an overnight venture, let me know and I’ll step in to relieve her stress.
Give her space. Be there for her but don’t talk about it unless she’s talking about it. Let her know you’re there to help. Ask her to pick ten things she doesn’t want to be in charge of then offer to do those instead. Don’t brush off giving your opinion when she asks, and remember that the best remedy for stress is the act of making love. Next time you’re gone for an overnight venture, let me know and I’ll step in to relieve her stress.
This post was edited on 10/9/23 at 7:31 am
Posted on 10/9/23 at 7:31 am to RocketPower13
look up Mike Leach wedding videos on youtube
you're welcome
you're welcome
This post was edited on 10/9/23 at 7:32 am
Posted on 10/9/23 at 7:31 am to RocketPower13
The absolute best advice that I can give you from someone that has been married for a loooong time.
Before you're even married, you've come here and asked everyone how to help you figure out how to change her about a major issue and her inability to make decisions or move on that issue due to the stress of of how it will effect her, but mostly how others will feel and perceive everything she chooses.
You need to understand right this very minute, that crippling fear that she has of disappointing other and that desire that she is showing to base every important decision she makes on the feelings and perceived opinions of people that don't matter WILL NEVER CHANGE. It just won't. You need to be at peace with the idea that your wife will forever be guided and at times brought to a complete stop by the idea that what she's doing will bother people that you find their opinions completely and totally unimportant.
I'm telling you this will happen with everything and it will make absolutely zero common sense to you. Getting ready for dinner parties, what clothes she's going to wear, how your house is picked up or decorated before people come over, later on how your kids dress or getting ready for their birthday parties or trips etc, EVERYTHING!!!
I'm not telling you to run, I'm just telling you from many years of direct experience that it's not going to change, it will only get stronger as the amount of stress on her life increases (ps, this is a low stress time of life you're in right now) and you're going to have to learn how to live with it if you are in love with this woman and fully committed to spending your life with her. Good Luck Young Soldier
Before you're even married, you've come here and asked everyone how to help you figure out how to change her about a major issue and her inability to make decisions or move on that issue due to the stress of of how it will effect her, but mostly how others will feel and perceive everything she chooses.
You need to understand right this very minute, that crippling fear that she has of disappointing other and that desire that she is showing to base every important decision she makes on the feelings and perceived opinions of people that don't matter WILL NEVER CHANGE. It just won't. You need to be at peace with the idea that your wife will forever be guided and at times brought to a complete stop by the idea that what she's doing will bother people that you find their opinions completely and totally unimportant.
I'm telling you this will happen with everything and it will make absolutely zero common sense to you. Getting ready for dinner parties, what clothes she's going to wear, how your house is picked up or decorated before people come over, later on how your kids dress or getting ready for their birthday parties or trips etc, EVERYTHING!!!
I'm not telling you to run, I'm just telling you from many years of direct experience that it's not going to change, it will only get stronger as the amount of stress on her life increases (ps, this is a low stress time of life you're in right now) and you're going to have to learn how to live with it if you are in love with this woman and fully committed to spending your life with her. Good Luck Young Soldier
This post was edited on 10/9/23 at 7:34 am
Posted on 10/9/23 at 7:34 am to RocketPower13
quote:
And she's too overwhelmed to start any planning
Then fricking don't.
One of y'all got terminal cancer and need to speedrun all this?
Posted on 10/9/23 at 7:35 am to RocketPower13
You definitely need to know what your budget looks like, but your next step is getting a venue locked up. Even a year out, people are already booking their places. Figure out where you want to have it, if it fits in the budget, and then do a site visit and lock that up ASAP. Narrow down a few dates you're both good with and see which ones the venues you like have open. You may find yourself with only one or two viable options once you do that and availability may well dictate the actual date.
Once you have a date, she'll start making some progress. Right now, it's like telling someone to study for a test that there's no date for. You need to have a target to start aiming for with the rest of your planning.
Once you have a date, she'll start making some progress. Right now, it's like telling someone to study for a test that there's no date for. You need to have a target to start aiming for with the rest of your planning.
Posted on 10/9/23 at 7:36 am to RocketPower13
If she is overwhelmed, she doesn’t want this to really happen. When you really want something, no matter the circumstances, you figure it out. All she needs to do is start with the planning and she’s already telling you she can’t.
Posted on 10/9/23 at 7:37 am to RocketPower13
This is “your” wedding! Everyone will have an opinion and advice. Ignore it for the most part or just take notes. People will try to re-live or live their own lives through your wedding.
Do what you want, do what you can afford, do what makes you both happy.
Do not plan the wedding to make others happy.
Do what you want, do what you can afford, do what makes you both happy.
Do not plan the wedding to make others happy.
Posted on 10/9/23 at 7:39 am to adamau
quote:
adamau
Rarely will you find words as insightful as this on the OT
Posted on 10/9/23 at 7:42 am to TDsngumbo
Aside from you stepping in that's been my approach,
I've said I'm here to help for whatever you want help with, as is your bridesmaids and your & my family.
It's your first time planning a wedding, it's okay to be overwhelmed, that doesn't mean it can't be figured out.
At the end of the day this is her wedding for the rest of our lives. Everything else doesn't matter. She's overwhelmed by the fact that she won't be able to appease everyone; who cares??
This is literally the first conflict we've had, I didn't see it coming bc we talk about everything, I've given her all the advice posted but I didn't propose to be engaged either, I don't want to phrase it like that but I want her to be happy and any wedding with the two of us saying "I do" will make us happy for the rest of our lives. Why put that future off over semantics?
I've said I'm here to help for whatever you want help with, as is your bridesmaids and your & my family.
It's your first time planning a wedding, it's okay to be overwhelmed, that doesn't mean it can't be figured out.
At the end of the day this is her wedding for the rest of our lives. Everything else doesn't matter. She's overwhelmed by the fact that she won't be able to appease everyone; who cares??
This is literally the first conflict we've had, I didn't see it coming bc we talk about everything, I've given her all the advice posted but I didn't propose to be engaged either, I don't want to phrase it like that but I want her to be happy and any wedding with the two of us saying "I do" will make us happy for the rest of our lives. Why put that future off over semantics?
Posted on 10/9/23 at 7:43 am to RocketPower13
She loves me to death,
—There’s your warning sign
—There’s your warning sign
Posted on 10/9/23 at 7:44 am to adamau
quote:
adamau
Posted on 10/9/23 at 7:45 am to RocketPower13
Go elope, you'll be happier and just as married.
Posted on 10/9/23 at 7:46 am to RocketPower13
quote:
Aside from you stepping in that's been my approach
And your approach isn’t working. Time to let me help.
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