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re: Genuine OT help on a new engagee
Posted on 10/9/23 at 11:05 am to lsunurse
Posted on 10/9/23 at 11:05 am to lsunurse
Yep.
Destination weddings will be far more stressful to plan.
You will have more people unable to come to it than you would otherwise.
Start praying now that flights go smoothly without cancellations and no luggage is lost, particularly the wedding dress etc...
Don't forget about having to plan the rehearsal activities and other activities for guests. It's not just the wedding.
Make transportation available for the guest to attend the rehearsal, wedding and other activities.
What could possibly go wrong? A lot.
Destination weddings will be far more stressful to plan.
You will have more people unable to come to it than you would otherwise.
Start praying now that flights go smoothly without cancellations and no luggage is lost, particularly the wedding dress etc...
Don't forget about having to plan the rehearsal activities and other activities for guests. It's not just the wedding.
Make transportation available for the guest to attend the rehearsal, wedding and other activities.
What could possibly go wrong? A lot.
2
Posted on 10/9/23 at 11:17 am to RocketPower13
The only and best advice I can give is to end your relationship with this woman. As others have said, there are lots of red flags and one day you’ll be sitting there, half of everything you own will be gone, you won’t be able to see your kids every day, etc. because you ignored the warning signs.
She has some sort of personality disorder and shuts down when there’s an important decision to be made. She has visions of how everything is going to be and freaks out when things might be different than her ideal. Imagine what she’s going to be like with a baby.
I might be projecting here but she’ll eventually blame you for “pressuring” her and you’ll become her enemy. She’ll think back to how nice it was before marriage and she will act out until you make the choice to end it. And if you are good with a destination wedding in Hawaii and expect anyone but a handful of close relatives and a couple of friends to attend, you’re kind of an arse.
She has some sort of personality disorder and shuts down when there’s an important decision to be made. She has visions of how everything is going to be and freaks out when things might be different than her ideal. Imagine what she’s going to be like with a baby.
I might be projecting here but she’ll eventually blame you for “pressuring” her and you’ll become her enemy. She’ll think back to how nice it was before marriage and she will act out until you make the choice to end it. And if you are good with a destination wedding in Hawaii and expect anyone but a handful of close relatives and a couple of friends to attend, you’re kind of an arse.
Posted on 10/9/23 at 11:27 am to Gris Gris
quote:
Don't forget about having to plan the rehearsal activities and other activities for guests. It's not just the wedding. Make transportation available for the guest to attend the rehearsal, wedding and other activities.
Yep and also have to take into consideration those that have kids that may travel with them. You better allow kids at the wedding or a lot of people won’t go. It’s one thing to get a sitter for the night at a local wedding….a whole other thing to arrange for child care while you have to go on a trip for a wedding
quote:
Start praying now that flights go smoothly without cancellations and no luggage is lost, particularly the wedding dress etc..
11 years ago when I got married I had my wedding dress in a garment bag and the airline was kind enough to hang it in a separate closet they had.
No way in hell that would happen now. You would be better off shipping it ahead of the wedding and hope it doesn’t get lost.
Also…my former in-laws almost didn’t even make it to the wedding. Former mother in law got violently ill on the plane and spent most of their supposed fun “trip” in a hotel near the houston airport trying to get some motion sickness patches so they could get on another flight to us. They literally arrived in Florida 2 hours before the wedding.
OP’s fiancee doesn’t seem emotionally stable enough to plan a destination wedding
Posted on 10/9/23 at 11:28 am to Gris Gris
I'm a big fan of "local" destination weddings, ie, events at nice places that are within a few hours for the large majority of your attendees. I like a purely local wedding too, but I don't want to be on a 5 hour flight to go to your wedding for the most part.
Here in Atlanta, that tends to be Highlands/Cashiers, 30A, Biltmore, Sea Island, etc. Many on the invite list likes these places anyway so it's not some massive/one off undertaking. It's unique for some, comfortable for many, good balance IMO.
Here in Atlanta, that tends to be Highlands/Cashiers, 30A, Biltmore, Sea Island, etc. Many on the invite list likes these places anyway so it's not some massive/one off undertaking. It's unique for some, comfortable for many, good balance IMO.
Posted on 10/9/23 at 11:41 am to BobABooey
quote:
She has some sort of personality disorder and shuts down when there’s an important decision to be made. She has visions of how everything is going to be and freaks out when things might be different than her ideal. Imagine what she’s going to be like with a baby.
This. It’s odd that he has been with her 3 years and is just realizing how she is. Has she never faced any true challenges in the time they have been together? Any deaths in her family, serious illness in family, family drama, etc?
OP needs someone that can weather the real storms of life. Not someone that loses it at the thought of just planning a wedding
Posted on 10/9/23 at 11:41 am to RocketPower13
quote:
Which I'm trying to do but my fiance, her mom, my family, have all had losses this past year and her and I have talked about how much it means to have everyone there who all has time.
If you want everyone there, have it local. If you want it in Hawaii, lots of people won't go.
Posted on 10/9/23 at 11:46 am to LaLadyinTx
quote:
If you want everyone there, have it local. If you want it in Hawaii, lots of people won't go.
If you want everyone you care about there, marry someone who understands why this is important and it's not a problem.
I think the OP just needs to hear from an outside perspective that all these delays and problems are not normal and certainly not the basis for a solid marriage.
My wife and I have had our problems but we agree on almost 90 percent of our issues. You want to be with someone you can problem solve with because life is hard.
Posted on 10/9/23 at 12:00 pm to lsunurse
quote:
OP’s fiancee doesn’t seem emotionally stable enough to plan a destination wedding
That may be true. The description is awfully odd. They've talked about getting married etc... for a long time and now, it's a trauma drama. Maybe she's OCD. Something definitely isn't right here and unless there's a dramatic change in her, she's not going to make it through this.
Planning weddings is stressful. It's the nature of the beast, but it shouldn't be so stressful that the stress overshadows the event. If she's this stressful now, she's going to go bonkers on the weekend of the event and she won't enjoy it.
Posted on 10/9/23 at 12:03 pm to RocketPower13
Weddings are too much crap these days. Nobody except for your parents, grandparents and siblings actually care to be at your wedding ceremony. The rest are there for the alcohol after.
All of this "perfect this" and "perfect that" is superficial garbage. No one cares.
All of this "perfect this" and "perfect that" is superficial garbage. No one cares.
This post was edited on 10/9/23 at 12:04 pm
Posted on 10/9/23 at 12:06 pm to RocketPower13
As is the case with any project that is overwhelming help her with one thing at a time. You can't eat an elephant in one bite, it takes a bunch of little bites.
With that said I would she sounds like she is probably too immature to be getting married. I understand it is a HUGE ordeal for the bride but most women panic to start with and then turn into the best fricking project manager the worlds ever seen...even with all the meltdowns and what not. When she brings it up I would pretend like I hadn't even though about it. That will light a fire under her arse if she is serious and if she is not you will have your answer. It is an ordeal for the bride...why they put themselves through it is beyond me but many do.
With that said I would she sounds like she is probably too immature to be getting married. I understand it is a HUGE ordeal for the bride but most women panic to start with and then turn into the best fricking project manager the worlds ever seen...even with all the meltdowns and what not. When she brings it up I would pretend like I hadn't even though about it. That will light a fire under her arse if she is serious and if she is not you will have your answer. It is an ordeal for the bride...why they put themselves through it is beyond me but many do.
Posted on 10/9/23 at 12:07 pm to Jake88
quote:
Weddings are too much crap these days.
The stress and expense people go through for this overrated ceremony.
Posted on 10/9/23 at 12:09 pm to Jake88
And it won’t be perfect anyways, something WILL go wrong. Whether it’s a little detail or large detail….something will go wrong. So a bride to be who isn’t prepared for that is gonna have a really rough day.
And since my marriage went down in flames thank goodness we didn’t spend a ton of money on the wedding
And since my marriage went down in flames thank goodness we didn’t spend a ton of money on the wedding
Posted on 10/9/23 at 12:13 pm to RocketPower13
Sounds like my ex-fiancé and her mother.
Find a woman that is a decision maker. That’s what I did after the debacle with my ex. Just celebrated our 10 year.
Find a woman that is a decision maker. That’s what I did after the debacle with my ex. Just celebrated our 10 year.
This post was edited on 10/9/23 at 12:15 pm
Posted on 10/9/23 at 12:14 pm to Bullfrog
quote:
Run!
There’s flags everywhere and it will save you from a horrible divorce.
Seriously destination weddings and big, over the top weddings are ridiculously narcissistic. For whatever reason many women think they somehow deserve a perfect day where they are the center of attention....why they have arrived at this conclusion is beyond understanding. If she is serious about the marriage and not just the wedding getting hitched at the courthouse and having a small celebration with close friends and relatives afterwards is indicative of being serious about being married and not just engaged and planning a wedding. I would act as if it did not mean a thing in the world to me. I certainly would not let on as if it was something I was concerned about because if she is having doubt that will make them worse. If you are, however, concerned about it beyond simple logistics, I would tell her in no uncertain terms that it was a problem for me. Either way you get beyond being bogged down.
Posted on 10/9/23 at 12:15 pm to Maytheporkbewithyou
quote:
quote:
You are going to flush 50k on a party
Don't do it unless you can afford it. Being deep in debt is a bad way to start a marriage.
If her family is paying then make sure they can really afford it.
You'd be better off with a small budget and spending the money on a down payment for a house.
If the bride's family can afford it the money is far better spent on some form of retirement savings or real estate for the couple. Weddings are outrageous wastes of money as practiced by some folks.
Posted on 10/9/23 at 12:22 pm to hellifiknow
quote:
Good advice here. We spent about $1,000 on our wedding. That was cheap even 36 years ago.
My wife and I have been married for 31 years. We spent about $1500 on our wedding, our money, not her families, and had right at 150 people there. We spent about 4 weeks prior to the day making flower arrangements and getting things ready and on the day about 20 of us decorated the state park pavilion we had rented, set up the reception hall and then left to get dressed for the wedding. Wedding went off without a hitch, about 3 hours of reception afterwards and we were off in a limo to a hotel near ATL for a flight the next morning to Jamacia. Spent more on the honeymoon than the wedding. Everyone had a big time...they showed up in formal wear and jeans and T shirts...no one cared a bit. We at BBQ and whatever anyone brought....MIL made the cake, it was perfect. And the marriage has lasted 31 years, we have 2 kids, we have buried parents, we have attended graduations, we have lived life...and we did not freak the frick out or spend a stupid amount of money to tell the world we intended to spend our lives together.
Posted on 10/9/23 at 12:39 pm to AwgustaDawg
quote:neat, keep us posted
My wife and I have been married for 31 years. We spent about $1500 on our wedding, our money, not her families, and had right at 150 people there. We spent about 4 weeks prior to the day making flower arrangements and getting things ready and on the day about 20 of us decorated the state park pavilion we had rented, set up the reception hall and then left to get dressed for the wedding. Wedding went off without a hitch, about 3 hours of reception afterwards and we were off in a limo to a hotel near ATL for a flight the next morning to Jamacia. Spent more on the honeymoon than the wedding. Everyone had a big time...they showed up in formal wear and jeans and T shirts...no one cared a bit. We at BBQ and whatever anyone brought....MIL made the cake, it was perfect. And the marriage has lasted 31 years, we have 2 kids, we have buried parents, we have attended graduations, we have lived life...and we did not freak the frick out or spend a stupid amount of money to tell the world we intended to spend our lives together.
Posted on 10/9/23 at 12:40 pm to MSTiger33
quote:
Find a woman that is a decision maker.
Yep. Or someone who doesn't care.
I'm very type A, but I honestly just wasn't picky about anything wedding related. I picked the best vendors I knew of and told them to just.. do their thing. That's what they're there for. Who cares what specific flowers they bring? They're not going to show up with ugly crap. They're well reviewed professionals. Tell them what you like and let them take over.
I always found it bonkers when other engaged people would ask me if I was stressed about some stupidly small thing like where the bars would be set up or something.
I just didn't see where it was important to bother with stressing over the details when someone else was being paid to do it and knows what they're doing.
We didn't even doing a tasting of our food options or the cake
Again, professionals with hundreds of glowing reviews. What is tasting their product going to change? Nothing.
Posted on 10/9/23 at 2:02 pm to RocketPower13
Tell her you're going to do the wedding like Dave Chappelle. Everyone's phone goes in a bag, so no one is taking pictures except the photographer.
You're going to end up divorced, but at least this way she won't have Instagram stress involved with the planning process. Who in their 30s panics like this? People that are going to get divorced or drive their spouses to rage drink, that's who.
You're going to end up divorced, but at least this way she won't have Instagram stress involved with the planning process. Who in their 30s panics like this? People that are going to get divorced or drive their spouses to rage drink, that's who.
Posted on 10/9/23 at 2:11 pm to RocketPower13
My sister and I were asked to handle a big wedding on Ono Island, for friends. Turned out great, everyone enjoyed. My sister and I are not wedding planners, but it took a couple hours to plan what we wanted to do.
The wedding took place with the sun going down over the bay, after the ceremony, everyone went to the front of the house, we had a large tent set up, we rearranged the back yard, everyone came back, reception was great. Great food, drinks and music.
Next day, we cooked up a large pot of Pastalaya, anyone wanting to attend, was invited back.
The wedding took place with the sun going down over the bay, after the ceremony, everyone went to the front of the house, we had a large tent set up, we rearranged the back yard, everyone came back, reception was great. Great food, drinks and music.
Next day, we cooked up a large pot of Pastalaya, anyone wanting to attend, was invited back.
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