re: Dating as a 40 Year Old Man, How Realistic is it?

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I’m 56 and still single. I make 100k per year but I am only 5’7” . I am overweight by 35 pounds. It’s too late for me

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No....No...No...No...NO !!!!!

Well, my good man I am here to tell you a few things.

First of all you are not dead. My second guess is that you are very handsome. Third who the hell cares about height.


I hope that when you look at the man in the mirror that you like him as I am sure he is a great guy. Figure out your flaws work on them and be happy. As other posters have pointed out women love happy men with their ducks all in a row.

I hope you keep trying to find your mate and have fun along the way.

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This is not really the case. I have personally heard MANY times from the ladies "I don't understand why you aren't taken by now?". They think there is something you are hiding if you are a nice dude with a job by this age.

Women assume you have major skeletons in your closet if you are still single by 40. Hell, I heard this in my 30's sometimes.

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I have gotten this a bit as well and you can't really blame them. It's a generalization, sure, but not entirely unjustified.

I'm brutally blunt, so I just tell them the truth - that I won't (and don't have to) put up with a bunch of bullshite, so I choose not to.

(That's not to say I'm perfect by any stretch of the imagination or that I haven't failed in past relationships, but I'm not "damaged goods" or "unmarriable.")

The inevitably ask why it's okay for me to have this stance, but when women "refuse to settle" it's a bad thing. That's when I remind them that I can have kids whenever I want, but they cannot. I don't have to rush into anything and can afford to be patient/cautious.

"The clock is your problem, not mine."

I usually get some initial shock, but universally thanked for my honesty.

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The inevitably ask why it's okay for me to have this stance, but when women "refuse to settle" it's a bad thing.

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You really find this conversation inevitable? It’s more of an OT topic than something women discuss or ask men.

Side note: while men can produce children later in life, it starts to take a lot longer. The average time to conception is over 2 years if the man is older than 45, even if his partner is in her 20s. You also increase your risk of having a child with autism and other genetic issues. Just in case you really are wanting to have kids someday.

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You are not a woman and you don't have the proverbial wall coming in to smack the shite out of you to give you a huge dose of reality. If you are in reasonably good health and have your financial life in order you can easily pull 25-30 year old women

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This is true. I did it from 37-41 before I met my now fiancée. I have a great career, full head of hair, a health freak in good shape, and was 100% out of debt. Pulling 25-30 year olds wasn’t difficult. Finding one with their shite together was the hard part.

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Get off dating apps, get into hobbies, and try new things that you don't normally do. Learn to talk to women and if you are afraid of rejection than get over it cause it is going to happen.

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That’s when I met my fiancée, it was 2 weeks after I got off the shitty apps. Met her one random night through a mutual friend. Remember, with rejection, every no gets you closer to a yes. You learn something new from every no. Let it motivate you to keep going and get something even better.

I would agree with this. Just don't be sloppy and you'll attract attention if finances and such are in order. I'm glad to be out of the game for the time being though

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dating in your 40s as a man is all about your money and your education.

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I won't try to minimize the educational/financial side, but fit, attractive women, particularly if you're fishing in the younger end of the dating pond, want fit, attractive men. If you're not, they'll be more than happy to use your resources while getting other needs met by the fit dude from the gym.

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Crazy. I see crazy. She looks like the kind of woman who would douse you with gasoline in the middle of the night then set you on fire because she dreamed you were having an affair on her.

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That’s when I met my fiancée, it was 2 weeks after I got off the shitty apps.

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People don't realize the circle of hell that the dating apps are. You are setting yourself up for failure using them. The women on them are:

Usually on at least 3 or 4 of them
Craving attention and have no intention of meeting most people
fricking most the men they do meet who then ghost these women
I've been off dating apps since 2015 and I can guarantee you if I were to get back on there the same women would still be on there

If you are active and in shape and have personality and your life together there is no need for apps just go out and talk to people. You will meet someone that you have things in common with.

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I've been off dating apps since 2015 and I can guarantee you if I were to get back on there the same women would still be on there

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Dating apps have changed a lot since 2015. They are pretty much the normal now, like most single people are on them. They’re also highly location dependent. If you’re in a mid or small city they are toxic waste. If you’re in a bigger city they are just the way things are now.

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You really find this conversation inevitable? It’s more of an OT topic than something women discuss or ask men.

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Yes, it comes up nearly 100% of the time. Conversations are a lot different with the females in their 20's than with the ones closer to my age. The younger ones understandably want to know "why?" while the 30s/40s already know the answer.

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Side note: while men can produce children later in life, it starts to take a lot longer. The average time to conception is over 2 years if the man is older than 45, even if his partner is in her 20s. You also increase your risk of having a child with autism and other genetic issues. Just in case you really are wanting to have kids someday

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Yes, I am well aware. The vast majority of the risk is on the female side (geriatric pregnancies, etc.), but I'm aware paternal age plays a role too.

Most of the research studies show a correlation, but lacks in direct causation. It stands to reason advanced paternal age translates to pregnancy risk at least partially, if not primarily, via the female's age. (It's more likely for a 45-year old male to have children with a 37-year old woman than with a 25-year old woman.)