re: Am I the a-hole? Doctors office sent me to collections

I'm the a-hole for having read all of that.

Did you not wonder why you didn’t receive a bill from your last visit? Surely you knew. Just say sorry and give them your credit card. Why all the drama?

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I think it is unethical for a medical provider to refuse service when there's a balance due, particularly a small balance.

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I think it's unethical for people not to pay me for my services. It's theft.

That oath don't mean shite and there are different versions. Mine didn't say take care of freeloaders that abuse your generosity.

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Am I the a-hole here?

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frick no. They're lucky you didn't demand to see the owners of the practice to tell them their front desk team suck at their jobs and are actively driving away business.

Not at all. I’d have flipped out

No, you aren't.

I just had a somewhat similar visit at my dentist. They came up with a balance AFTER insurance and AFTER I had paid my deductible. I called the insurer and the insurer said they billed over the in-network amount of their contract that they agreed to. I took that information back and they started in with, "the insurer doesn't tell us what to charge ". It was over $2.12. They sent that to me for five months. In the mail. And once a month I stopped by to pay it. Each time the office was closed for lunch or they closed early. I don't use checks any longer and I don't give out credit card numbers on VM because they never answer the phone and I'll be damned to leave that info in a voice message. And they don't have a link to pay over the Internet. So I called them and said I'll pay it when I come in for cleaning. It would cost me more to drive there to pay it than the $2.12. They were okay with that, but I wasn't finished and told them they made a thousand dollars on an insurance inflated in-network price and should have eat it. They spent that on five months of stamps, paper, ink and envelopes, plus the time it took to chase me down over it. I said, "the sign of a good business manager is knowing when actions would cost more than the reward." There was a delay. A pregnant pause while she digested the meaning, then said, you're right. She said she was crediting me and writing it down to a zero balance.

I hate medical coding and billing. My old doctor, we could talk about anything on a follow up after an annual physical without charge, but he retired and the new doctor, if you deviate one little bit from the follow up, he'll throw a consultation fee on it. So I keep to the point, but I have told him that is disappointing to me that he does that.

Every time I go to the doctor for my annual physical they will tell me I owe them nothing and I have to tell them I want to pay my $30 copay because they charge a fee to take it over the phone and I don't want to mail a check like im 90. the first time I returned to the doctor and found out a had a balance, that had been there nearly a year at that point, I flipped out. I don't like having debt even if it is just $30.

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Am I the a-hole here?

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No. You aren't.

What you described in the OP is ridiculous. A letter covering the encounter would be a worthwhile service to ownership (which is almost certainly offsite and unaware).