re: About 5 months in, still unsure about relationship

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I feel like a abstraction, and vagueness of being "into someone" is a a part of my internal confusion. How do you measure how much you have to be into someone for it to be a good idea to stick it out and for it to be fulfilling long term? If you can't tell already, I overthink things.

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When a relationship is going well, you don’t question these things too much beyond logistics. You enjoy their company, you carve out portions of your life for them, and you miss them when they’re not around.

You don’t wonder about how much better it would be to screw a bunch of randos when you’re in a good relationship. Your overthinking and wanderlust is due to your needs not being met. Not every woman can meet those needs and it’s not their fault.
You need to figure out what you’re lacking and communicate that.

I think your problem is attraction. The way you describe her seems like you don’t find her unattractive, but you lack real passion for her. Anyone who’s been deeply in love knows what it feels like. It’s unavoidable And unmistakable. You wouldn’t be talking about this woman the way you do if you felt that.

If she feels those things for you, but you don’t for her, you’re wasting your time and hers.

You have this cognitive dissonance because she checks boxes for you, but you can’t help but feel something is missing.

I did that. I powered through a relationship with a girl where I had similar doubts around that time. I compromised until my life and identity was the relationship, but the passion wasn’t there, only dependance. My SO knew that, and the relationship ended, but it took a long time of many years of good times, okay times, and misery to finally fizzle out.

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the relationship is working.

he's stuck in the "is she too ugly for me" and "i think i'm still good looking enough for strange poon on the weekends" mindset.

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It’s not working for him if he’s pre-occupied with these kinds of thoughts.

Have you ever felt super passionately about any women from previous relationships? If so, what happened?

Get out now if you’re second guessing yourself. You’re 31, you still have a good amount of time to be single and enjoy your life before settling down. Think about the time, when you posted about taking bong rips on the couch while watching T.V. and your roommate double booked a one-night stand with that Asian chick that couldn’t speak much of any English that you ended up fricking that night? You could have that again if you simply bail in this situation.

Red heads are crazy good in the sack, so you have that going for you, however her biological clock is ticking at 27, so don’t forget about that. In the south, girls in her age group already have been married for several years and already have a kid or two. Don’t think she doesn’t notice that and wants that as well. Has she talked about about rings or what you thoughts were on having kids?

If you’re having second thoughts about missing the single life, that’s your conscience telling you something. Compare your last relationship with this one, about how you mentioned their was much compassion shared between the two of you. If that same compassion is not present in your current relationship with this red head, the odds are that same compassion will fail in following suit.

I mean in all honestly, it feels like you simply aren’t feeling this chick, and that’s ok. The second guessing yourself should truly allow for you to make the right decision about moving on before you get yourself too vested with this relationship.

You sound like a chick.

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Have you ever felt super passionately about any women from previous relationships? If so, what happened?

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Yes, he has constantly brought it up. He’s obviously not over her yet, she probably cheated on him.

Gimme her #. I’ll help a brotha out.

So your reasons for being into her are because she’s okay and loyal and sometimes sexy. If you’re not cheating by Christmas I’ll be shocked.

100%. I'm recently divorced and have been getting laid pretty often and I'll tell everyone about it. But when I don't have anything to distract me, I feel extremely empty and miss my old life and my ex wife. And I send pics of girls to friends, as if to say, "look how great i'm doing." Only a few friends know how much i'm hurting.

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so how are you handling your shite?

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apparently about as badly as you are

this chick will make someone the absolute best wife on earth, i'm just not convinced it should be me.
but then again i'm 37 and the availability of women without an actual frickton of baggage is incredibly slim. so half my brains says shut up and be happy, while the other half looks for greener grass.