re: About 5 months in, still unsure about relationship

Not really sure what your expecting to find around the corner. Ain’t no one perfect including you so stop looking at deficiencies. At 31, you should have an idea what you want and understand you can’t be a frat boy forever. Grow up and commit to something or let her loose. From the sounds of it, she will not have trouble finding someone else And you will be left holding your dick cause your acting like a teenager.

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You're going to break up with what sounds like a great girl that actually cares about you because you don't feel this mythical passion.

Here's whats going to happen: You're going to break up with her. She will be devastated but because she actually sounds like a good catch, she will find someone new and eventually make that dude a great wife.

You will date some sluts, find passion with a total nutjob that will eventually make you miserable...

And then pine for the girl that was actually a good person and good girlfriend for the rest of your life.

Good luck.

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Although this is potentially true, it’s kind of shitty “advice”. The alternative is stay with this girl and be slightly unhappy and resentful through marriage. No one should get married under these pretenses.

And maybe he’ll regret it later down the line, but there’s a 100% he’ll regret if he continues on the current path.

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Although this is potentially true, it’s kind of shitty “advice”. The alternative is stay with this girl and be slightly unhappy and resentful through marriage. No one should get married under these pretenses.

And maybe he’ll regret it later down the line, but there’s a 100% he’ll regret if he continues on the current path.

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If being with a woman that is ride or die, has a nice rack, cooks for you, not crazy, pretty, and has a good head on her shoulders is wrong, then I don't want to be right.

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Although this is potentially true, it’s kind of shitty “advice”. The alternative is stay with this girl and be slightly unhappy and resentful through marriage. No one should get married under these pretenses.

And maybe he’ll regret it later down the line, but there’s a 100% he’ll regret if he continues on the current path.

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Agreed. OP has wandering eye syndrome because he already knows, deep down, that he doesn’t really want a future with this woman. He kinda likes the present, but isn’t sold on it. If he forces himself to “try and be happy” he will end up very very unhappy when she leaves him because she can feel he doesn’t genuinely desire her.

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If being with a woman that is ride or die, has a nice rack, cooks for you, not crazy, pretty, and has a good head on her shoulders is wrong, then I don't want to be right

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More like if you’re still having doubts with a woman who’s like this, either OP is lying (and there’s info about her we’re missing) or there’s something wrong with OP. Either way, the relationship is doomed.

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This sounds like the kind of thing you are going to frick up.

You're going to break up with what sounds like a great girl that actually cares about you because you don't feel this mythical passion.

Here's whats going to happen: You're going to break up with her. She will be devastated but because she actually sounds like a good catch, she will find someone new and eventually make that dude a great wife.

You will date some sluts, find passion with a total nutjob that will eventually make you miserable...

And then pine for the girl that was actually a good person and good girlfriend for the rest of your life.

Good luck.

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This.


Passion = sex.

Ok bro, against my own judgment, I read your goddamned novel and I’m still here to give you some advice and break this shite down for you so pay attention:

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She's VERY sweet, and caring, and does all of the little things that makes a guy happy. She's thoughtful and is truly interested in my happiness. Probably as selfless as a woman can be. Makes me food, packs me food for work, buys me beer that I like. She is trust-worthy, and seems to be loyal. I LOVE her dog. and the dog loves me.

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Dope. This is how almost EVERY relationship begins for the first 1-6 months. You should know that by now and this first paragraph should have no bearing on your overall decision... let’s move on..

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She is a little over-caring at times though, to the point of annoyance, and is more plan-oriented than me. I'm more of a go-with-the flow guy. This causes issues sometimes. Not exactly her fault I suppose. Not THAT big of a deal. Its more of a me being selfish thing, and I know that such compromises must be made in relationships.

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This has a hint of being overbearing in the long run. This should be sort of a red flag for you

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She is from the little bubble community in which we both live near. Her parents, who are sweet, live a short car ride away from her. Most of her current close friends are ones that she has grown up with. This isn't exactly a bad thing, but I am just not all about the suburban, gossipy shite, where everyone is always in everyone else's business, and I feel like this would be an inevitability. I guess I'll also add that my family LOVES her, and she loves my family.

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All of this shite is irrelevant. ALL women love to talk/gossip... my wife is one of the ones who honestly doesn’t engage in the he said/she said shite, but she sure does love listening to the drama. All women do, get used to it

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I also think that she likes me, and is more into the relationship than I am. I have been committed, and reciprocate accordingly, but she says very affectionate things sometimes that I just don't feel like I am on that level with her yet. How big of a problem is this? My last relationship had a good deal of passion. Passion that I'm not feeling in this one. But my last relationship failed, so yeah.

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You’re taking it slow emotionally, so kudos, but if she isn’t lining up with what you’re feeling, again, it’s a red flag

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She is a cute, petite redhead. I am not crazy attracted to her physically, but attracted enough. She isn't overweight or anything, nice rack and all, but I wish she would be into going on runs with me, and was more interested in being physically fit, but I realize that that's hard to find sometimes, and if pushed the subject enough, she would probably compromise with me

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Again, another red flag. I’ve been dating my wife for over ten years now, and I’m still head over heels in love with her (physically, emotionally, etc)... I couldn’t imagine being in a relationship where it was any other way. It would be such a drag.. IMO, when that fire is gone, so is the desire to work things out and improve the relationship, and you’ll wind up right back here with the same type of thread, only 5 years into the relationship and then your problems become MUCH worse

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And lately I have just have started to miss being single, and flirting, and checking other woman out, and having complete freedom. I was single for a year before I started dating her, and I was kind of digging it.

My best bud just got divorced, and I see him doing whatever the hell he wants, whenever he wants, and I'm afraid that seeing this has influenced me in this direction.

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Now, given all the red flags I’ve previously mentioned, let’s throw that out the window for a second.... DO NOT EVER FOLLOW THE LEAD OF SOMEONE WHO HAS FAILED. I think I read that you’re around 30, so I’ll assume your best bud is also.... DO NOT FOLLOW HIS PATH. Either get out of the relationship for yourself, or stay in it for yourself. His life ain’t your life. I think people who get divorced at such a young age are idiots for either (a) getting married for the wrong reasons at the wrong age or (b) not taking their vows seriously.... so trying to live like your friend would be a HUGE mistake



In summary, I think your best option would be to leave this girl. You’re obviously just not feeling ‘it’, so get out now before she talks you into getting a little dog or some shite (sort of joking here, but I’ve seen it happen before ).. in my opinion, when you find the right one, you’ll know because you won’t want anyone else to have her

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Again, I am so sorry for writing a book. Anyone who read all of that, and has advice to give, I commend and respect you, and I appreciate it.

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Don’t apologize. Sometimes it’s hard to talk to people you know IRL about IRL shite. Truth be told, the OT can be a great place for advice, shoulder leaning, and good natured ribbing... I think you’ve gotten all three in this thread


Update us if there is any change

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yeah. I just wonder how much of it has to do with ME, and my flaws, and not the actual situation itself. And I just don't know how much stock to put into importance of "passion."

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Some level of passion or being in love is important but it comes and goes through out any life long relationship.Those that expect the same heat in a relationship to exist after 10 years of marriage and kids are likely to be disappointed. Its just hard to maintain. You have to work on it. That is why true love is a choice not a feeling. You choose to stay with someone though trials and tribulations. That being said you have only been together 5 months. If you are enjoying each others company why not give it some more time. If after few more months it still just doesnt feel right tell her the truth and move on.

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That is why true love is a choice not a feeling

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I get what you’re saying, and I wouldn’t argue til the death over it, but you can flip this around and claim it to be true as well