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We have got to come up with a better way to judge watermelons.

Posted on 5/17/26 at 9:53 pm
Posted by OysterPoBoy
City of St. George
Member since Jul 2013
44882 posts
Posted on 5/17/26 at 9:53 pm
Or at least a way to hold these growers accountable. I’m on my third in a row that I had to basically toss.

Last year the tiny butthole method never failed me but something has changed this year. It’s not working and I have no recourse.
Posted by GeorgeTheGreek
Sparta, Greece
Member since Mar 2008
69181 posts
Posted on 5/17/26 at 9:56 pm to
Big yellow mark
Posted by Everyday Is Saturday
Member since Dec 2025
1558 posts
Posted on 5/17/26 at 9:58 pm to
quote:

Last year the tiny butthole method never failed me


You are the queen of watermelons!
Posted by Yat27
Austin
Member since Nov 2010
8364 posts
Posted on 5/17/26 at 9:58 pm to
Isn't it a little early for good watermelons? I can't remember the last time I had a sweet one outside of July/August.
Posted by IAmNERD
Member since May 2017
24240 posts
Posted on 5/17/26 at 9:58 pm to
The thump method has never failed me.
Posted by Tiger Ryno
#WoF
Member since Feb 2007
108335 posts
Posted on 5/17/26 at 10:02 pm to
Have you tried XXXXXing your XXXX innit?
Posted by OysterPoBoy
City of St. George
Member since Jul 2013
44882 posts
Posted on 5/17/26 at 10:13 pm to
quote:

Big yellow mark


Had one of those today.

Garbage.
Posted by real turf fan
East Tennessee
Member since Dec 2016
11932 posts
Posted on 5/17/26 at 10:17 pm to
In the good old days, when the centers of watermelons were very sweet, good cooks would turn the thicker (than now) rind into watermelon pickles which are still an excellent find in some of the restaurants in Colonial Williamsburg.
Posted by UnitedFruitCompany
Bay Area
Member since Nov 2018
4085 posts
Posted on 5/17/26 at 10:18 pm to
Two finger rule on the white stripes. If the stripes are wider than two fingers you're Gucci. Less, it's a pass.
Posted by AlwysATgr
Member since Apr 2008
21000 posts
Posted on 5/17/26 at 10:18 pm to
What I was told . . .

Take a single pine straw and lay it across (perpendicular to) the watermelon's main axis. If the pine straw rotates and aligns with the watermelons main axis, it's a ripe watermelon.

Have no test data to validate the method.
Posted by tigersownall
Thibodaux
Member since Sep 2011
17008 posts
Posted on 5/17/26 at 10:21 pm to
Sugartown or bust
Posted by SCLibertarian
Conway, South Carolina
Member since Aug 2013
42142 posts
Posted on 5/17/26 at 10:21 pm to
Buy from her

Posted by Smeg
Member since Aug 2018
15541 posts
Posted on 5/17/26 at 10:22 pm to

Rose had the best method
Posted by TDsngumbo
Member since Oct 2011
50747 posts
Posted on 5/17/26 at 10:22 pm to
quote:

Last year the tiny butthole method never failed me

Is this some kind of Vatican thing or something?
Posted by DesScorp
Alabama
Member since Sep 2017
10298 posts
Posted on 5/17/26 at 10:24 pm to
quote:

We have got to come up with a better way to judge watermelons.


"Your dogwhistle questions don't fool us, Nazi!" - the SPLC
Posted by biglego
San Francisco
Member since Nov 2007
84713 posts
Posted on 5/17/26 at 10:24 pm to
quote:

the tiny butthole method


I use this all the time but not for watermelons
Posted by WylieTiger
Member since Nov 2006
14679 posts
Posted on 5/17/26 at 10:28 pm to
Name checks out
Posted by tunechi
Member since Jun 2009
10577 posts
Posted on 5/17/26 at 10:30 pm to
Too early baw. Check back in 6 weeks
Posted by SlapahoeTribe
Tiger Nation
Member since Jul 2012
12708 posts
Posted on 5/17/26 at 10:32 pm to
quote:

I’m on my third in a row that I had to basically toss.

Have you tried returning it to the store?
Posted by UptownJoeBrown
Baton Rouge
Member since Jul 2024
9988 posts
Posted on 5/17/26 at 10:35 pm to
I judge them by the content of their character like MLK intended.
This post was edited on 5/17/26 at 10:36 pm
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