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re: So..got in a fight with the wife tonight…
Posted on 6/27/25 at 6:12 pm to HoustonChick86
Posted on 6/27/25 at 6:12 pm to HoustonChick86
quote:new slam piece as well?
I quit alcohol and my life is better than I could ever imagine it now. I am a Rockstar employee, a wonderful mom. The marriage didn't work out, but ended amicably and we get along better than before.
1
Posted on 6/27/25 at 6:13 pm to HoustonChick86
Brave, honest post. 
If you don't want to answer this, I understand, but was God a part of your marriage?
If you don't want to answer this, I understand, but was God a part of your marriage?
Posted on 6/27/25 at 6:38 pm to SuperSaint
Nah, had to get rid of him in order to keep my peace. 
Being single is soooo much easier and more enjoyable.
Nope. My spirituality came later and he doesn't believe.
Being single is soooo much easier and more enjoyable.
quote:
If you don't want to answer this, I understand, but was God a part of your marriage?
Nope. My spirituality came later and he doesn't believe.
This post was edited on 6/27/25 at 6:40 pm
Posted on 6/27/25 at 6:59 pm to SquatchDawg
quote:
Why am I having to deal with this bullshite?
This immediately jumped out for me. I feel like I’m scolding, but this mindset won’t help either of you. She was a daughter and a careraker, now she’s not. She’s been a stay at home mom, and that’s coming to an end. She may be having issues with hormonal imbalance and could have complicated grief. Definitely sounds like she’s clinically depressed and is self medicating. I really struggled with the emptying nest, and I had a job I loved and was otherwise happy. I don’t know what your marriage is like, but one thing I’ve learned from seeing friends go through divorce at this stage of life: If you’ve been pouring yourselves into your kids at the expense of your marriage, it’s going to be a problem. You have to nourish that friendship with your spouse. Making each other the priority is one of the greatest gifts you can give your kids. Also, I don’t think she’s cheating, I don’t think her self esteem would be so low is she was with another guy. I think her friends may be her strongest support system and that’s why she wants to be with them. I think she would benefit from counseling, and she needs you to help her imagine a new life.
Posted on 6/27/25 at 7:03 pm to HoustonChick86
You'll do better next time, I'm sure .
Posted on 6/27/25 at 7:48 pm to SquatchDawg
I can understand her having concern about finding a job after being out of the workforce for 20 years. Her only options might be a place like Starbucks or Barnes and noble.
With that said, a lot of this may be able to be fixed with the use of peptides. Have you explored this option??
With that said, a lot of this may be able to be fixed with the use of peptides. Have you explored this option??
Posted on 6/27/25 at 7:57 pm to Penrod
quote:
That is one of the finest pieces of advice I’ve ever read on a message board.
quote:
If you like piña coladas
And gettin' caught in the rain
If you're not into yoga
If you have half a brain
If you like making love at midnight
In the dunes on the cape
Then I'm the love that you've looked for
Write to me and escape
[Verse 2]
I didn't think about my lady
I know that sounds kind of mean
But me and my old lady
Had fallen into the same old dull routine
So I wrote to the paper
Took out a personal ad
And though I'm nobody's poet
I thought it wasn't half bad
Posted on 6/27/25 at 8:04 pm to Oneforthemoney
quote:
She wouldn't have much time for her side piece is she got a job.
A job is the number one place to find a "side piece".
Posted on 6/27/25 at 8:05 pm to Eurocat
Best advice I have read on this subject, although many that have commented have excellent advice as well. You cannot have substance abuse going on, and expect rational results. The person under the influence of a substance is not themselves. Correct this first, and the rest should follow.
Posted on 6/27/25 at 8:10 pm to cgrand
quote:
Some people won't like this, but practicing yoga is 100% an open door to the demonic
quote:
where do you people come from?
It’s well documented by exorcists throughout the world, both catholic and Protestants.. And fyi, the demons being removed confess it as the opening that allowed them permission to enter before they were expelled from the victim. If you’re not familiar with the spiritual realm or spiritual warfare that statement may seem off putting, shocking or absurd. Sometimes the truth is stranger than fiction.
Posted on 6/27/25 at 8:50 pm to SquatchDawg
There aren’t a lot of ladies on here, so I can try to give you some advice from a woman’s point of view. It’s clear from your post that you love her and that you recognize that life has thrown a lot at her recently. You then talk about all of the things that she’s not doing - cooking, cleaning, getting a job while you have been working and providing for your family this whole time. Spouses are supposed to be a team, and you have been pulling your weight and she has not. You are right about all of that and should be frustrated.
She’s broken inside right now, though, and she needs to know that you love and care about her, that you want to help her feel better simply because you can’t stand to see her so sad. You miss her being happy, not that she was more productive when she was happy. The difference is subtle, but that type of thing means a lot to women.
I think a major disconnect that often happens between husbands and wives is that husbands view working their asses off to provide for their family as an act of love. And they’re right; it is an act of love. It’s just that right now that’s not the type of love she needs.
Good luck, dude. We can be a little crazy sometimes.
She’s broken inside right now, though, and she needs to know that you love and care about her, that you want to help her feel better simply because you can’t stand to see her so sad. You miss her being happy, not that she was more productive when she was happy. The difference is subtle, but that type of thing means a lot to women.
I think a major disconnect that often happens between husbands and wives is that husbands view working their asses off to provide for their family as an act of love. And they’re right; it is an act of love. It’s just that right now that’s not the type of love she needs.
Good luck, dude. We can be a little crazy sometimes.
Posted on 6/27/25 at 9:34 pm to SquatchDawg
Sorry to have to say this, but your marriage appears to be in the danger zone. When you mentioned that she spends much of her time with her friends I let out a little 'uh oh.'
She has clearly checked out by showing her disinterest in her domestic situation, ie, you, the children, and home--and sending signals that she is unhappy.
Two signs of major marriage trouble are turning attention/time away from each other, specifically, to people outside of the home, and lack of communication.
This is the red flag that there are serious issues, and are more deeply rooted than you may realize.
It's possible that she's in early stages of being a 'walkaway wife.' It seems you two are not well connected at this time.
I would almost guarantee that you have been the topic of conversation with her friends, and wouldn't be surprised if a few have even said "I never cared much for him."
I only tell you this so that you realize that you are somewhat in a de facto tug-of-war for your wife. She's using her friends for emotional support, and you can best believe that some of them are poisoning the well. This leads me to the next point---that some her friends may turn out to be vipers in the bosom, in that they will deliberately undermine her, ie. frenemies, that instead of really wanting to see her in a happy marriage, will actually sabotage the efforts.
My advice is to try to quickly mend this divide, to re-connect, and then address the other issues together. You will probably need professional help to navigate this.
In the meantime, just be honest -- go to her and tell her you know she is struggling with something, and let her know you're not angry, and that you very much want to see her happy and healthy, and that you are committed to making whatever changes are necessary to bring joy back to your marriage. Let her know that even though you might not have communicated it, you know that things have not been easy for her, and although you might not say or show it often enough, you love her, and that you miss her.
And then be willing to put the hard work in to save and strengthen your marriage before it devolves into a 'silent divorce.'
One more thing...
Best of luck for all of your family, may you be blessed.
Posted on 6/27/25 at 9:52 pm to SquatchDawg
quote:im at the point where I just assume I always am
Am I the a-hole here?
Posted on 6/27/25 at 9:54 pm to Will Cover
Wisdom..
This post was edited on 6/27/25 at 9:56 pm
Posted on 6/27/25 at 9:58 pm to Arbengal
Thank you arebengal.
Posted on 6/27/25 at 10:03 pm to SquatchDawg
My wife has great parents. They are in their 80s.
When they pass away, I am most certain my wife will fall into a bout of depression.
I know it's coming, and I often times think she does to, already bring depressed more often than not .
When they pass away, I am most certain my wife will fall into a bout of depression.
I know it's coming, and I often times think she does to, already bring depressed more often than not .
Posted on 6/27/25 at 10:26 pm to jafari rastaman
quote:
I can understand her having concern about finding a job after being out of the workforce for 20 years.
True. Not to sound crass but if you took, say, a bear or a deer from the wild and kept it for whatever the bear or deer equivalent is for 25 years, feeding and caring for it, would you expect to be able to release it back into the wild and have it go right back to surviving in the wild? I would imagine being thrown back into the workforce would be similar. Especially if the animal were already depressed.
She lost the caregiving role for her parents and the youngest kid can almost drive. Just the kids becoming independent is a huge adjustment for a mother, i would think even more so for one who stayed home. I second the suggestion for therapy and also trying to find things to do as a couple.
Posted on 6/27/25 at 10:55 pm to Oates Mustache
quote:
That's a great perspective. Your lady is intelligent, baw. Put a ring on that finger if she actually follows this.
She is. Emotionally intelligent as well as just a smart woman.
Posted on 6/28/25 at 12:04 am to SquatchDawg
Pardon the bad comparison, but think of you and your wife as the two opposing sides in World War I, where troops would hunker down in trenches and foxholes.
When you stand up and "take a shot" by saying that you're stressed and feeling pressured by the financial burden of paying for 2 college educations, she's crouching down in her trench, and your shot sails over her head.
Likewise, when she says "no one will hire me" you're down in your trench, and her shot is high (and ineffective) as well.
Whether you speak to each other at home, or in a therapist's office, you both have to figuratively stand up and be willing to take a shot or hit. Sometimes the shot will just graze you, and other times it will hit you (or your wife) square in the chest. It's not easy to take that proverbial hit, but as long as you're both too wrapped up in your respective sides, you're each hiding in a trench, and you only talk at each other, and not to each other.
This is not a criticism of either of you, just an admission from a fellow soldier, who fought a similar war, that it is easy to get wrapped up in the "I'm right" flag, and to lose focus that this all began because you wanted to help your wife and resuscitate your marriage.
When you stand up and "take a shot" by saying that you're stressed and feeling pressured by the financial burden of paying for 2 college educations, she's crouching down in her trench, and your shot sails over her head.
Likewise, when she says "no one will hire me" you're down in your trench, and her shot is high (and ineffective) as well.
Whether you speak to each other at home, or in a therapist's office, you both have to figuratively stand up and be willing to take a shot or hit. Sometimes the shot will just graze you, and other times it will hit you (or your wife) square in the chest. It's not easy to take that proverbial hit, but as long as you're both too wrapped up in your respective sides, you're each hiding in a trench, and you only talk at each other, and not to each other.
This is not a criticism of either of you, just an admission from a fellow soldier, who fought a similar war, that it is easy to get wrapped up in the "I'm right" flag, and to lose focus that this all began because you wanted to help your wife and resuscitate your marriage.
Posted on 6/28/25 at 1:09 am to SquatchDawg
quote:
And rest assured I am the LAST person on earth she wants to talk to about this.
Why isn’t she willing to talk to you about it?
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