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re: NM

Posted on 1/28/23 at 6:45 pm to
Posted by Ricardo
Member since Sep 2016
4890 posts
Posted on 1/28/23 at 6:45 pm to
quote:

Yup. This word is being WAY overused these days.



It is overused, but narcissism isn't exceedingly rare. We're manufacturing it with things like instagram and various other positive feedback loops.

I think a lot of people are just selfish and lazy.
Posted by novabill
Crossville, TN
Member since Sep 2005
10447 posts
Posted on 1/28/23 at 6:51 pm to
quote:

Turn 18 aside for a moment, if divorced with kids, why would you not want to support your children?


There is a difference between supporting your kids as any loving parent would and paying your ex-wife a large sum of money each month as ordered by the courts.
Posted by Chucktown_Badger
The banks of the Ashley River
Member since May 2013
31158 posts
Posted on 1/28/23 at 6:54 pm to
quote:

Unless you want to have kids there is literally no upside for men to get married, while women getting married is like a free call option on half of their husband’s net worth and earnings. Insane disparity in incentives.


My ex girlfriend wanted children very badly and that was driving the decision on whether we stayed together and got married. I couldn't commit so we broke up and now 3 years later she's engaged. Im happy for her.

I'm also a couple years into a new relationship, love my girlfriend, but it's a high likelihood we're not having kids due to our age. She wants to get engaged and I'm in no rush because I don't see the point if kids is pretty much off the table. So we'll see how this goes. If it does happen a prenup is 100% a requirement for me.

ETA: My parents got divorced when I was in my early teens. When they were "working on it" it was miserable, hearing them start screaming in the middle of the night. When it was finally done I was relieved, wished it would've happened sooner. Do it before your kid knows what's going on.
This post was edited on 1/28/23 at 7:00 pm
Posted by John Casey
New Orleans
Member since Nov 2016
1621 posts
Posted on 1/28/23 at 7:03 pm to
quote:

I just internalize it.


Maybe try communicating your issues and concerns to your wife?
Posted by Upperdecker
St. George, LA
Member since Nov 2014
30584 posts
Posted on 1/28/23 at 7:56 pm to
quote:

After kids she depressed? Have you ever thought maybe she is dealing with post partum issues? Have you even talked to her about any of this?

Nah OP is probably a POS. Doesn’t help with the kids. Complains a lot that the stay at home mom doesn’t get enough done and doesn’t make money. She’s sarcastic and depressed bc she’s effectively single parenting minus his income
Posted by Methuselah
On da Riva
Member since Jan 2005
23350 posts
Posted on 1/28/23 at 8:20 pm to
After reading this thread, including the majority of the replies, I'm struck by how bad so many OT'ers are at relationships.

I've been happily married for over 30 years. Kids are on their own very successfully. With a couple of exceptions, most of the couples we know have made their marriages work long term.

I know the statistics in society in general are not as rosy, and it seems that many of the denizens of the OT longue are in that group.

I'm curious if it's that people don't get to know their future spouse's before they marry, if they don't have the stamina and perseverance for long term relationships, or something else. It's kind of disappointing.
This post was edited on 1/28/23 at 8:21 pm
Posted by jafari rastaman
Member since Nov 2015
1832 posts
Posted on 1/28/23 at 8:22 pm to
If you are going to kick her out and give her $5,000,000 tell her to come to Jafari’s house.
Posted by MyRockstarComplex
The airport
Member since Nov 2009
3320 posts
Posted on 1/28/23 at 8:32 pm to
quote:

Lotta divorce threads lately


Lotta picking up the pieces from New Years Eve parties in the last 30 days.
Posted by lsu xman
Member since Oct 2006
15563 posts
Posted on 1/28/23 at 8:36 pm to
Do 23andMe to see if the kid is really yours first.
Posted by redandright
Member since Jun 2011
9619 posts
Posted on 1/28/23 at 8:41 pm to
I would definitely try counseling before pulling the plug. She may be suffering postpartum depression, or maybe just feeling trapped.
Stay at home mom-something I did, can make you feel a little isolated, because so many of your peers or in the workforce. Of course I don’t know your own situation, but if you let her know that you’re willing to talk to someone with her, that may be just what she needs to get it into gear. It tells her that she matters to you.
It would be a shame to give it all up with out at least taking a shot at counseling.
Posted by CaptainJ47
Gonzales
Member since Nov 2007
7353 posts
Posted on 1/28/23 at 8:42 pm to
Does give time to his money.
Posted by SuperSaint
Sorting Out OT BS Since '2007'
Member since Sep 2007
140462 posts
Posted on 1/28/23 at 8:46 pm to
quote:

my 2nd marriage
trashy
Posted by auwaterfowler
Alabama
Member since Jan 2020
1955 posts
Posted on 1/28/23 at 8:59 pm to
quote:

I’m a high earner and she’s a stay at home mom so divorce would ruin me financially to say the least.


You need to pay Jody to come wreck that tang and get it all on video.
Posted by DiamondDog
Louisiana
Member since Nov 2019
10577 posts
Posted on 1/28/23 at 9:08 pm to
These ole baws who get married 2,3 and 4 times just floor me. I'm doing this one time. I understand being widowed but at what point do you say...maybe I'm the problem?

My grandfather was married 7 times before 50. Someone should have counseled that man.
This post was edited on 1/28/23 at 9:09 pm
Posted by AirbusDawg
Milton, Ga
Member since Jan 2018
2306 posts
Posted on 1/28/23 at 9:15 pm to
Been married 28 years and can honestly say after the first 5 I can't believe we made it this long. It was work and it still is at times. Most of the time when I look back at the rough times, it was my own damn fault. People see divorce as the easy way out. This country is full of quitters. Buck up and be a man and figure out why your wife is so different than what she was when you married her. Chances are it is you that changed, not her. Kids, especially at two years old are a drain on a couple's relationship. Women don't feel sexy and men feel neglected. Trust me, the older your kids get, the easier it gets. We are on year 29 and I swear it gets better every day.
Posted by LSU Delts
Louisiana
Member since Dec 2007
2548 posts
Posted on 1/28/23 at 9:33 pm to
quote:

It’s a good strategy if you don’t want to pay child support.


You will have to give up more of your retirement if you wait.
Your 401k savings will be larger also.
Posted by saderade
America's City
Member since Jul 2005
25739 posts
Posted on 1/28/23 at 9:48 pm to
quote:

After reading this thread, including the majority of the replies, I'm struck by how bad so many OT'ers are at relationships. I've been happily married for over 30 years. Kids are on their own very successfully. With a couple of exceptions, most of the couples we know have made their marriages work long term.
Agreed. The key to any marriage is communication. If you are unhappy or your spouse is unhappy that is something that needs to be discussed. Letting it stew doesn’t solve shite and leads to exactly what the OP is dealing with now.
Posted by Earthquake 88
Mobile
Member since Jan 2010
3013 posts
Posted on 1/28/23 at 9:49 pm to
OP, I’m not a person that throws Bible quotes around as advice. That’s just not me. However, my dad is and he told me this and it made a lot of sense.

Proverbs 21:9
It is better to live in a corner of a roof
Than in a house shared with a contentious woman.

Proverbs 21:19 King James Version
It is better to dwell in the wilderness, Than with a contentious and an angry woman.

The fact that you would even consider living 16 miserable years to divorce a woman and even have money on your mind is just insane to me. If you honestly can’t live with the woman, exhausted all possible avenues to rekindle the relationship, then you would be doing your child a favor not being raised in a home of dysfunction and no joy. Money isn’t everything.

I struggled with the same dilemma once. I opted to get out. It was the best move I could have ever made. I had joint custody, had my kids every other week, and my ex-wife and I coparented very well.

I had a close friend stay in a marriage over 25 years until the youngest kid graduated high school. Now he’s 55, spent half of his life miserable, and for what? His kids recently told me while on a hunting trip they wished they would have divorced when they were young than to live in a house with two miserable parents.
Posted by tigergirl10
Member since Jul 2019
10311 posts
Posted on 1/28/23 at 9:55 pm to
quote:

No she does not work nor does she have any marketable skills or education. She is a narcissist who is surely unaware that the walls are closing in.
Why did you marry her to begin with? She was obviously like this before marriage. What did you expect to be different?
Posted by hottub
Member since Dec 2012
3339 posts
Posted on 1/28/23 at 9:58 pm to
With 10 million why not just spend 750k-1M on a bad arse camp on a piece of land and live separate lives?

Gives you an extra 4 mil to “sugar daddy” a 20 something.
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