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re: Need some good advice - 2020 is off to a rough start.
Posted on 1/2/20 at 12:34 pm to VolsOut4Harambe
Posted on 1/2/20 at 12:34 pm to VolsOut4Harambe
(no message)
This post was edited on 10/26/20 at 11:07 am
0
Posted on 1/2/20 at 12:38 pm to VolsOut4Harambe
quote:
I just can't stand the thought of pushing away someone who cares about me like she does.
Been there done that. It is a terrible feeling. I still to this day say breaking up with someone that cares for you is 100% harder than someone breaking up with you that you care about.
But with you saying you couldn't even stand to kiss her on new years shows me you are making right call in ending it.
Posted on 1/2/20 at 12:51 pm to VolsOut4Harambe
Here’s what I think:
First, I think it’s smart to break up with your girlfriend if you feel the need to fix yourself. This turns her loose to find other options, and gives you a new start. You need to simplify your life and you’re doing it.
I usually recommend a fresh start to people who are deep in grief. Moving to a new place is a good idea. Sometimes just seeing the old places you used to be with your departed friend/loved one just reinforces your grief. A new place is a new scene and has new challenges that will help lift you out of depression.
To me, beating depression is about changing routines. You’re doing the right thing when you embrace change.
It sucks that you have to sacrifice a relationship to move forward, but you can trust an old veteran on this one... there’s always a new gal right around the corner. They are a naturally renewing resource. Don’t look back.
First, I think it’s smart to break up with your girlfriend if you feel the need to fix yourself. This turns her loose to find other options, and gives you a new start. You need to simplify your life and you’re doing it.
I usually recommend a fresh start to people who are deep in grief. Moving to a new place is a good idea. Sometimes just seeing the old places you used to be with your departed friend/loved one just reinforces your grief. A new place is a new scene and has new challenges that will help lift you out of depression.
To me, beating depression is about changing routines. You’re doing the right thing when you embrace change.
It sucks that you have to sacrifice a relationship to move forward, but you can trust an old veteran on this one... there’s always a new gal right around the corner. They are a naturally renewing resource. Don’t look back.
Posted on 1/2/20 at 12:58 pm to VolsOut4Harambe
You probably need to see a counselor, sounds like you are dealing with depression.
Posted on 1/2/20 at 1:02 pm to VolsOut4Harambe
quote:
I have kind of entered a shell since his passing. My friends have all told me that I haven't been myself. I agree. I feel like the void he left is really weighing me down.
Time is really the only cure for your funk, but you have to get out into the world and live your life.
As far as your girlfriend is concerned, I hate to say it, but from your comments, it sounds like the time to gtfo.
Oh yeah, make sure your new roommates aren't murderous thugs or heroin addicts. Just saying.
Posted on 1/2/20 at 1:05 pm to SpqrTiger
quote:
First, I think it’s smart to break up with your girlfriend if you feel the need to fix yourself. This turns her loose to find other options, and gives you a new start. You need to simplify your life and you’re doing it.
I usually recommend a fresh start to people who are deep in grief. Moving to a new place is a good idea. Sometimes just seeing the old places you used to be with your departed friend/loved one just reinforces your grief. A new place is a new scene and has new challenges that will help lift you out of depression.
To me, beating depression is about changing routines. You’re doing the right thing when you embrace change.
It sucks that you have to sacrifice a relationship to move forward, but you can trust an old veteran on this one... there’s always a new gal right around the corner. They are a naturally renewing resource. Don’t look back.
You hit the nail on the head.
I have a great, well-paying job that I enjoy, and a good set of friends. I don't want those things to change. But I think a change of scenery and some new energy to my dating and sex life could benefit me. It wasn't great even before my buddy died, and I have been having these thoughts for a while.
I have already heard from some of my friends of at least 2 girls who allegedly are interested in me... but obviously I don't want anything like that to factor into my decisions. But just the thought of being single again is appealing.
Posted on 1/2/20 at 1:05 pm to VolsOut4Harambe
Have you thought about talking to a doctor or possible support group/therapist about your grief/possible depression? Grief can affect your life in more ways than imaginable.
If something as simple as kidding your girlfriend repulses you, definitely take some time for yourself to get it together. As others have said, don't shut everyone out either.
I hope things get better for you.
If something as simple as kidding your girlfriend repulses you, definitely take some time for yourself to get it together. As others have said, don't shut everyone out either.
I hope things get better for you.
Posted on 1/2/20 at 1:51 pm to VolsOut4Harambe
Stop, sit down and think about how you will feel when she moves on to another man, because she will eventually. If that shite hurts you, then you might wanna rethink moving out and breaking it off.
Posted on 1/2/20 at 2:11 pm to VolsOut4Harambe
It sounds like you’ve already moved on. I’d go ahead and make a clean break. Definitely don’t jump in another relationship right away though. You are entering your prime and need to chase early 20’s girls for a while.
Posted on 1/2/20 at 2:42 pm to JohnnyKilroy
quote:
Pretty sure I know your late friend. He was a good dude.
Yeah man, Michael was truly one of a kind.
Posted on 1/2/20 at 2:47 pm to VolsOut4Harambe
You are doing the right thing by moving out. Living together without marriage is a recipe for disaster and it's simply not the way. This is the first step to healing
Posted on 1/2/20 at 2:52 pm to VolsOut4Harambe
Honestly speaking.
You haven’t reconciled your mental and emotional issues with the passing of your friend. That would impact anyone and their life, and you should have been in some support group or therapy.
This leads me to your relationship. I don’t think you did the right thing by breaking your relationship off, because you never dealt with the original core problem. Now, you have created two voids in your life, and I think you’re going to end up regretting the break up.
If you don’t seek some kind a help you’re going to try to fill both of these voids, and it is going to end up doing worse damage in your life.
Get help.
You haven’t reconciled your mental and emotional issues with the passing of your friend. That would impact anyone and their life, and you should have been in some support group or therapy.
This leads me to your relationship. I don’t think you did the right thing by breaking your relationship off, because you never dealt with the original core problem. Now, you have created two voids in your life, and I think you’re going to end up regretting the break up.
If you don’t seek some kind a help you’re going to try to fill both of these voids, and it is going to end up doing worse damage in your life.
Get help.
Posted on 1/2/20 at 10:00 pm to VolsOut4Harambe
Go get some help Baw. I have been there and depression is no joke. Like others have said, sounds like that “could” be happening. You cannot think while depressed. Pulling for you.
Posted on 1/2/20 at 10:08 pm to VolsOut4Harambe
Baw where do you live? Nashville
Posted on 1/2/20 at 10:57 pm to VolsOut4Harambe
Since you’re about to lose your right to own your guns, I can haz them?
Posted on 1/2/20 at 11:10 pm to VolsOut4Harambe
Read The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck, Falling In Love For All the Right Reasons by Neil Warren. The answers you seek are inside of you and the knowledge in these books can help you logically think this through rather than thinking on it based from emotion
Posted on 1/2/20 at 11:54 pm to VolsOut4Harambe
I think making a life decision when you’re deeply grieving is something to avoid. Your relationship may be worth saving after you’re on the other side of this.
Posted on 1/3/20 at 12:03 am to VolsOut4Harambe
Gut says you wont like your new roommates either.
You have to deal with you. Nobody else is going to make you happy.
The Heart of the Soul -- Gary Zukav is a good book to read, but you have to be willing to hold up a mirror to yourself when you do. It's not an easy read, as you may not want to face some fears/vices/thoughts, but it is worth it if you're serious about understanding thoughts and emotions. It is simply a road map, though. You still have to connect the dots within yourself.
Good luck
You have to deal with you. Nobody else is going to make you happy.
The Heart of the Soul -- Gary Zukav is a good book to read, but you have to be willing to hold up a mirror to yourself when you do. It's not an easy read, as you may not want to face some fears/vices/thoughts, but it is worth it if you're serious about understanding thoughts and emotions. It is simply a road map, though. You still have to connect the dots within yourself.
Good luck
Posted on 1/3/20 at 1:13 am to VolsOut4Harambe
GTFO now. Don’t wait until it’s too late.
Posted on 1/3/20 at 1:24 am to VolsOut4Harambe
You should go to the Bahamas and if you still feel really, really, really sad, you can say you've had a tropical depression.
waka-waka-waka
waka-waka-waka
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