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re: Need some good advice - 2020 is off to a rough start.
Posted on 1/2/20 at 11:43 am to VolsOut4Harambe
Posted on 1/2/20 at 11:43 am to VolsOut4Harambe
I don’t think I’d walk out on the girl yet, and then move in with a couple other dudes. If her presence annoys you right now, it’s not going to take much for two strangers to annoy you.
You do sound like you need some space and time to process it all. You’re at a crossroads that everyone goes through, but the death of the friend is throwing a major kink into the situation. You may be better off getting some professional help. Especially if you can convince the girl to have some patience with you. That’s going to be tough, but if she’s an adult, she’ll understand and will give you that space if she’s planning on having a future with you.
I’d say get some professional help, and try to break whatever current routine you’re on with the girl. Try to sit down with her and work out a loose schedule where you can carve out some time to take her on dates, and get out of the house, but also have an understanding that sometimes it’s best if y’all watch tv in separate rooms on some of the nights in.
You do sound like you need some space and time to process it all. You’re at a crossroads that everyone goes through, but the death of the friend is throwing a major kink into the situation. You may be better off getting some professional help. Especially if you can convince the girl to have some patience with you. That’s going to be tough, but if she’s an adult, she’ll understand and will give you that space if she’s planning on having a future with you.
I’d say get some professional help, and try to break whatever current routine you’re on with the girl. Try to sit down with her and work out a loose schedule where you can carve out some time to take her on dates, and get out of the house, but also have an understanding that sometimes it’s best if y’all watch tv in separate rooms on some of the nights in.
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Posted on 1/2/20 at 11:43 am to VolsOut4Harambe
The most important thing a person can do when dealing with grief is to be honest with how they feel. It sounds like you are doing that.
Posted on 1/2/20 at 11:44 am to VolsOut4Harambe
Look man youre either depressed or gay. Get help finding out which.
Posted on 1/2/20 at 11:45 am to Bedhog
quote:
how old are you and have you had your testosterone tested?
27 and no.
Posted on 1/2/20 at 11:45 am to VolsOut4Harambe
quote:Yet. I think leaving your girlfriend and getting the apartment at this point with roommates who your are unfamiliar with is a bad idea given your mental state. Seek some professional help and get your mind right before doing anything too drastic
Don't do any drugs
Posted on 1/2/20 at 11:45 am to PrivatePublic
quote:
Look man youre either depressed or gay.
He's a Vols fan.
His depression is earned and will likely get worse before it gets better.
Posted on 1/2/20 at 11:48 am to VolsOut4Harambe
quote:
but the romantic feelings started to wane
No shite dude. That's what happens when you date for years.
At some point you have to quit looking for feelings and make a commitment or let her move on to someone who will.
Posted on 1/2/20 at 11:49 am to PrivatePublic
quote:
At some point
we're going to need to see pics before we can dish up some of our usual top notch advice
This post was edited on 1/2/20 at 11:52 am
Posted on 1/2/20 at 11:49 am to VolsOut4Harambe
Do her (and yourself) and favor and just move on.
Also sounds like your depression needs to be addressed.
Also sounds like your depression needs to be addressed.
Posted on 1/2/20 at 11:50 am to SixthAndBarone
You don't know the two dudes well, but are willing to entrust your life to them for $$$ and a year?
A neighbor's son was murdered because the perps came after his roommate with guns blazing. It does happen.
Your GF has stood by you. Right now she is dependable. Oh? that isn't earth shaking. Doesn't need to be. Tell her you are going to talk to professionals because you don't want to do something stupid, if you haven't already.
A neighbor's son was murdered because the perps came after his roommate with guns blazing. It does happen.
Your GF has stood by you. Right now she is dependable. Oh? that isn't earth shaking. Doesn't need to be. Tell her you are going to talk to professionals because you don't want to do something stupid, if you haven't already.
Posted on 1/2/20 at 11:50 am to VolsOut4Harambe
When was the last time you had a vacation and did you get out of your comfort zone? Maybe take a trip somewhere and do something that your friend never got the chance to do or see but always wanted to. Maybe that could help bring closure?
Posted on 1/2/20 at 11:51 am to Saint Alfonzo
quote:
Pushing away the other people that care about you is not the answer.
Posted on 1/2/20 at 11:51 am to VolsOut4Harambe
quote:
VolsOut4Harambe
Has your GF gained a significant amount of weight?
Posted on 1/2/20 at 11:52 am to VolsOut4Harambe
First off, you have to get out of the situation with the g/f. You seem to be saying that you were already planning on getting out prior to your friend's death. Even if you weren't it sounds like you might be taking your frustration with his death out on her. Either way, you two need some space.
The next thing is you need to get a handle on why his death is impacting you so greatly. Whether it's that you didn't realize your bond with him was that strong, that you had not ever really considered death as something that will eventually happen, etc. it's something you need to figure out and tackle because we are all going to die eventually and you aren't going to be good for anyone (this gal, any other gal, your family, etc) if you're going to shut down and push everyone away when someone dies.
From the limited info you've provided I would say you need to learn how to let your friend go and use this event to learn how to let others go when they pass on. The way that works for me is that after the initial period of grief and loss I look at their death as a sort of retirement to somewhere far, far away (like Guam or somesuch) where I will one day retire to as well. It's okay to remember them and miss them, just put it into a perspective of "we'll hang out together again eventually" instead of "they're gone forever and frick me because I'll never see them again". That latter mindset wastes your time, your energy and is ultimately self-defeating.
The next thing is you need to get a handle on why his death is impacting you so greatly. Whether it's that you didn't realize your bond with him was that strong, that you had not ever really considered death as something that will eventually happen, etc. it's something you need to figure out and tackle because we are all going to die eventually and you aren't going to be good for anyone (this gal, any other gal, your family, etc) if you're going to shut down and push everyone away when someone dies.
From the limited info you've provided I would say you need to learn how to let your friend go and use this event to learn how to let others go when they pass on. The way that works for me is that after the initial period of grief and loss I look at their death as a sort of retirement to somewhere far, far away (like Guam or somesuch) where I will one day retire to as well. It's okay to remember them and miss them, just put it into a perspective of "we'll hang out together again eventually" instead of "they're gone forever and frick me because I'll never see them again". That latter mindset wastes your time, your energy and is ultimately self-defeating.
Posted on 1/2/20 at 11:53 am to VolsOut4Harambe
Well I’ll say this first
No matter what don’t do the roommate thing unless there’s no other option. Ain’t worth it
Next how do you feel she’s been towards you since your buddy’s passing? Has she been supportive? Does she listen? Has she been there to help? If the answer to these are yes then try and wait it out and try opening yourself up to her more. Don’t make a decision that’s permanent just from being in a dark place for now.
No matter what don’t do the roommate thing unless there’s no other option. Ain’t worth it
Next how do you feel she’s been towards you since your buddy’s passing? Has she been supportive? Does she listen? Has she been there to help? If the answer to these are yes then try and wait it out and try opening yourself up to her more. Don’t make a decision that’s permanent just from being in a dark place for now.
Posted on 1/2/20 at 11:53 am to VolsOut4Harambe
First, admitting to the issues is a great start. Most have been there in one form or another.
This may come across as a bit harsh but I like to remember an old saying when I get down.
Free your mind and your arse will follow. Good luck to you and remember to win today.
This may come across as a bit harsh but I like to remember an old saying when I get down.
Free your mind and your arse will follow. Good luck to you and remember to win today.
Posted on 1/2/20 at 11:53 am to yatesdog38
quote:
When was the last time you had a vacation and did you get out of your comfort zone? Maybe take a trip somewhere and do something that your friend never got the chance to do or see but always wanted to. Maybe that could help bring closure?
This is a big deal and a real thing you need to consider. Holding on is good for the short term, but you need to figure out how to let go - holding on will only make you get stuck in this shell for years. Once you are able to let go it is much, much easier to come back and enjoy the memory of your friend.
As everyone said, seeking some sort of professional help is 100% the first step.
Posted on 1/2/20 at 11:56 am to SixthAndBarone
quote:
Go see a therapist/counselor.
In all honesty this is the best route whether you stay with your GF or not. It would be a better use of your time to pour yourself out to someone who is capable of helping you deal with and get through your current emotional state.
This post was edited on 1/2/20 at 11:58 am
Posted on 1/2/20 at 11:59 am to VolsOut4Harambe
Sorry to hear of this situation. Death is hard on people, and can effect you in ways others might not understand. I agree with what many others have said concerning depression. It makes life feel like you're a zombie. You don't have normal emotional response.
Most importantly, I would not sign any lease agreement today. This is not the time or place for major life decisions, and an apartment with roommates may make things worse. Go stay with someone else for a while if you have that option. I'd gladly let a friend stay with me for a week or so under these circumstances.
Most importantly, I would not sign any lease agreement today. This is not the time or place for major life decisions, and an apartment with roommates may make things worse. Go stay with someone else for a while if you have that option. I'd gladly let a friend stay with me for a week or so under these circumstances.
This post was edited on 1/2/20 at 12:02 pm
Posted on 1/2/20 at 12:00 pm to VolsOut4Harambe
Sounds like your friends passing has reminded you of your own mortality, and forced you to take stock of your current situation in life. Allowing you to see that the girl your with isn’t right for you, and that it doesn’t make sense to waste your time, or hers, if it’s not right.
ETA: Also, talking to a professional is good advice concerning your overall well-being.
ETA: Also, talking to a professional is good advice concerning your overall well-being.
This post was edited on 1/2/20 at 12:02 pm
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