re: Need some good advice - 2020 is off to a rough start.

Oh, nevermind.

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Are my thoughts and emotions clouded because of the grief I'm experiencing, and I need to wait things out

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Grief is definitely coloring your perceptions of everything, but you cannot wait this out. Seek help immediately. First, I would see about consulting a therapist on grief. If you describe how it has impacted your relationships they’ll be able to explain how the two are inexorably linked.

You did the right thing being frank with your SO about it. If she cares about you as much as you think, she will be patient and want to help you through this, but you have to start trying to help yourself by seeking professional help. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.

If you’re wondering whether your conclusion that you need to break up with her is accurate, try and think back to how you felt about her prior to your friend passing. How much were you enjoying time with her then? Were you considering marriage? Was she?

It could be that prior to your friend’s death you were really happy with her. Can you point to any specific moment when that stopped being the case? Was it the phone call, was it the funeral, was it something she said or did?

It could be that you were just marking time and Letting the relationship reach its logical progression without ever really wanting a long term commitment. If this was the case before, the death of your friend forced you to consider your own mortality and that life is short, meaning you shouldn’t continue to waste time with someone who you have no intention of marrying when she clearly is expecting marriage at some point in the forseeable future. You don’t know how to break up with her at this point due to time invested, so you’re behaving distant hoping she will do it for you. If this is the case, you still need grief counseling, but breaking up would be the right move.

Regardless, you need counseling to get past that cloud hanging over the relationship so you can know if you still want it when you can think clearly.

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It could be that you were just marking time and Letting the relationship reach its logical progression without ever really wanting a long term commitment. If this was the case before, the death of your friend forced you to consider your own mortality and that life is short, meaning you shouldn’t continue to waste time with someone who you have no intention of marrying when she clearly is expecting marriage at some point in the forseeable future. You don’t know how to break up with her at this point due to time invested, so you’re behaving distant hoping she will do it for you. If this is the case, you still need grief counseling, but breaking up would be the right move.

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It's this. I wasn't really 100% into it prior to his death. It has exacerbated things.

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Serious question...

Do you think your relationship with your friend that passed was more than just a friendship? You sure you didn't have stronger feelings?

Cause that's kinda what it sounds like.

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Lmao no.

Like I said, don’t be hasty. Start counseling first. See if she’s supportive. You’re not in a stable state of mind to make life changing decisions. Don’t break up with her yet, move, quit your job, etc.

If you do break up with her, I’m 28, divorced, no kids, no debt, good job, send her my way. She seems like a good woman

Sounds like you are going through a lot, but I think your heart is guiding you in terms on whether the relationship will work out. I don’t think that is being mentally clouded. In fact it might be something looming that is hindering your ability to grieve and get over your friends death.

If you aren’t sure about marriage after 3 years, give her the opportunity to find someone else.

Might seem hard now but it will work itself out after the breakup. Time by yourself (not in a relationship) can be very rewarding. Make the best of it.

Sorry for your loss.

Do you work out? Run? Ride a bike? Nothing better than getting out and excerpting some physical energy to reboot the system. If you aren't into any of this, how about backpacking and hiking? Join a local outdoor or hiking club and start taking some short trips. There are some great section of the A.T. near Atlanta.

Best of luck to you.

1st and most importantly - Get help. Real help. Not OT help.

I don’t know you, your gf, or anything other than what you’ve told us, but IMO you should lean on your gf vs running away. Isolation, withdrawal and reclusiveness are not healthy options. I speak from experience. You’ll get the “poor me’s” and will only make things worse. I’m sure as shite that your padna that passed wouldn’t want you to be this bad off because of his passing. Think about that. What advice would he give you, if he could? Would he slap you in the back of the head and tell you to move on or would he want you be miserable?

Don’t move out. Go see a therapist. Bring your gf.

Just asking.

So you're just depressed then? Seems half the people I know are on some kind of anti-depressant or anti-anxiety medication.

I guess just call and set up an appt and get some for yourself.