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Started By
Message
Need Grandparent advice
Posted on 7/4/26 at 8:16 am
Posted on 7/4/26 at 8:16 am
I'm fairly new to being a grandpa, my grandson is 9 months old. For six of those months my son was in the State Police training academy so he lived in Baton Rouge m-f and we live in Bossier, he did a lot of traveling, also during those 6 months, they lived with his in-laws, they were married about 10 months then had a kid, they did have their own place before he went to the academy, she didn't want to be by herself for 6 months with a new born, I can understand that, they have since bought a house and live on their own now. I felt weird and uncomfortable going to her parents house and hanging out to see him, I felt like I was intruding, maybe that was a me problem. They would come over maybe once a month and have dinner and she came over maybe a couple times during the week over the six months period. With all that being said, how often should we expect to be able to see him, they live about 5 miles away. I don't want to feel like I'm intruding or pushy but I'd like to see him a little more than I/we do, my wife feels the same way.
It was already hard enough for her letting go after they got married. To go from see him every day for 22 years to once or twice a month was/is hard. I get it, it hurts, but I get it, she, not so much. What made it worse is the my son's in-laws got to see the grand baby every day.
So, how often is enough? Should we just call and ask, I don't want them to feel we're being pushy and then they don't come or let us see him at only birthdays and holidays.
For reference, I was a firefighter and my wife is a nurse, we had to have mine and my wife's parents help us a lot because of our crazy work schedules so they got to see the grandkids a lot, because if that, I really dont have a good frame of reference here.
Sorry for the long thread but I felt I had to explain. Being the parents of a son whose married is tough, feels like were not as important, once again that maybe just a me thing.
It was already hard enough for her letting go after they got married. To go from see him every day for 22 years to once or twice a month was/is hard. I get it, it hurts, but I get it, she, not so much. What made it worse is the my son's in-laws got to see the grand baby every day.
So, how often is enough? Should we just call and ask, I don't want them to feel we're being pushy and then they don't come or let us see him at only birthdays and holidays.
For reference, I was a firefighter and my wife is a nurse, we had to have mine and my wife's parents help us a lot because of our crazy work schedules so they got to see the grandkids a lot, because if that, I really dont have a good frame of reference here.
Sorry for the long thread but I felt I had to explain. Being the parents of a son whose married is tough, feels like were not as important, once again that maybe just a me thing.
29
Posted on 7/4/26 at 8:21 am to dek81572
OP, we are almost the same person. I'm retired FF and wife is a nurse, we live in Shreveport. Also have an almost 1 year old grandbaby but it's with our daughter, they live in Houston. We also worry about intruding 
My only advice is to talk to your son about it. Congratulations on grandbaby and hope you get to see him often.
My only advice is to talk to your son about it. Congratulations on grandbaby and hope you get to see him often. 
Posted on 7/4/26 at 8:22 am to dek81572
Just talk to your son and let him know how you’re feeling. You can also let him know that you don’t want to be pushy and bother them. But I can’t imagine he’ll be upset with you wanting to see his kid more. Grandparents being involved in their grandkids’ lives is a good thing.
Also, let them know that ANY time they need a babysitter, you’re offering your services. They will take you up on that more than you think I’d bet. My parents watch my son all the time for us. They basically have first right of refusal any time we need a sitter. And they love it. My son has an amazing relationship with then because of that.
Also, let them know that ANY time they need a babysitter, you’re offering your services. They will take you up on that more than you think I’d bet. My parents watch my son all the time for us. They basically have first right of refusal any time we need a sitter. And they love it. My son has an amazing relationship with then because of that.
Posted on 7/4/26 at 8:22 am to dek81572
quote:
Being the parents of a son whose married is tough, feels like were not as important
That's because you're not.
But that's ok.
Leave and cleave.
I promise you if you make a big deal out of it you will see him even less.
Learn to love to spend time with your wife again.
Create an environment where your son wants to bring his child to.
And he will.
Posted on 7/4/26 at 8:24 am to dek81572
If they live five miles away, I don’t see why you couldn’t see them pretty often. Talk to your son. It’s not complicated at all man
Posted on 7/4/26 at 8:27 am to dek81572
I have 3 grandkids and all I have to do is mention food and they all show up no questions asked they make the 8mile drive LOL!
Posted on 7/4/26 at 8:31 am to dek81572
Speaking as a new parent: all that emotional baggage you’ve got in the OP? Nothing wrong with it, but leave it in the OP. Going into all of that is just going to make everyone defensive. Keep it simple:
“Hey, we’d love to see the grandbaby more often than we are, but we also don’t want to impose on you guys. Which days/times work best with your schedule?”
And then just see what they say. No reason to complicate it at this point.
“Hey, we’d love to see the grandbaby more often than we are, but we also don’t want to impose on you guys. Which days/times work best with your schedule?”
And then just see what they say. No reason to complicate it at this point.
Posted on 7/4/26 at 8:32 am to dek81572
So there is a natural tendency for the wife to spend more time with her parents. My advice, butt in until your son says it’s too much.
If I lived 5 miles from my grandson he’d see my damn near everyday and my daughter in law would have to get over it.
If I lived 5 miles from my grandson he’d see my damn near everyday and my daughter in law would have to get over it.
Posted on 7/4/26 at 8:33 am to CocomoLSU
quote:
Just talk to your son and let him know how you’re feeling
This. I have one grandchild now and another one on the way. I had to shake the cobwebs off alittle when I had to start babysitting a toddler again but it's like riding a bike though. Ok a little more stressful but worth it. He is almost 5 years old now and he has learned alot from ole Pop Pop
Posted on 7/4/26 at 8:38 am to Joshjrn
quote:
Speaking as a new parent: all that emotional baggage you’ve got in the OP? Nothing wrong with it, but leave it in the OP. Going into all of that is just going to make everyone defensive. Keep it simple:
“Hey, we’d love to see the grandbaby more often than we are, but we also don’t want to impose on you guys. Which days/times work best with your schedule?”
And then just see what they say. No reason to complicate it at this point.
100% this. Just call him up, tell him you want to see the grandbaby but at a time that's convenient for them. One of the worst things is trying to pop in when it's convenient for mawmaw and pawpaw but the baby is asleep or just had an explosive shite or who knows what. Have him give you a time that works and you can go hold the baby while you and your wife have coffee with your son and his wife
Posted on 7/4/26 at 8:38 am to dek81572
Congratulations on the grandbaby! There is no better feeling in the world. My grandkids are 8, 7, & 3 years old. It is wonderful.
Communication is key. Manage your expectations. Play the long game & be supportive of them the best you can. Things will work out.
Enjoy God's blessing! Take care!
Communication is key. Manage your expectations. Play the long game & be supportive of them the best you can. Things will work out.
Enjoy God's blessing! Take care!
Posted on 7/4/26 at 8:40 am to Mid Iowa Tiger
Learn how to install the car seat First time my grandson came to visit I thought it would be a nice idea to take him with me to Krispy Kreme while my daughter and son in law slept.
When my kids were little they stood beside me when I drove and my hand was the protection when I would stopped. Damn car seat installation ended up like standing in a row boat with waves.
When my kids were little they stood beside me when I drove and my hand was the protection when I would stopped. Damn car seat installation ended up like standing in a row boat with waves.
This post was edited on 7/4/26 at 8:41 am
Posted on 7/4/26 at 8:42 am to dek81572
They are still trying to figure out their own family dynamics. Give them time. Don't become the wedge between him and his new bride. It won't be good for anyone.
Just be there when they need you and it will improve over time.
Unfortunately the in laws on the son side draws the short straw with newly wed new parents.
Just be there when they need you and it will improve over time.
Unfortunately the in laws on the son side draws the short straw with newly wed new parents.
This post was edited on 7/4/26 at 8:42 am
Posted on 7/4/26 at 8:44 am to dek81572
You are lucky to live so close. My grandkids are 900 and 1,300 miles away. Get to see them 2-3 times a year at most.
Grandchildren are your reward for the trials of parenting. Bring beer, steaks, do whatever you need to do to get your reward.
To be clear, don't let the grandchild drink the beer before puberty.
Grandchildren are your reward for the trials of parenting. Bring beer, steaks, do whatever you need to do to get your reward.
To be clear, don't let the grandchild drink the beer before puberty.
Posted on 7/4/26 at 8:45 am to FLBooGoTigs1
quote:
I had to shake the cobwebs off alittle when I had to start babysitting a toddler again but it's like riding a bike though. Ok a little more stressful but worth it.
Babysitting my nephew for the first time so my brother and his wife could go to the 2005 LSU-Georgia game. I'm holding him watching the game and it gets interesting so I set him down on the bed. Next thing I know there's a squawk and he's rolled off on the floor. It was carpet and no harm done, fortunately. I never told anybody about it.
Posted on 7/4/26 at 8:51 am to dek81572
5 miles away? I’m grams and am gonna call as often as I want to see my grand. Kids get busy and I think forget about us. Mine are busy b/t work, erratic opposite schedules and raising kids. Sometimes I feel forgotten about but don’t dwell long and make a call. Mine are an hour 1/2 away so I try to get there 2x per month. If I were retired it’d be more, obviously. It’s easier for me to go there bc still a baby and everything is there. Don’t sit back and wait. Make your presence and availability known. I wish my parents had cared enough.
Posted on 7/4/26 at 8:55 am to dek81572
As someone with young kids, I make sure we are hanging out and spending time with my parents in some manner at least twice a month or so. If we go 3 weeks without seeing them we make specific plans to get together because that’s too long to go without seeing them.
We live an hour away. My wife’s folks live in town and we see them weekly.
If you aren’t seeing your one grandkid at least every other week or so and they live 5 minutes away, that’s a problem imo. They aren’t even that busy so that’s no excuse. It’s just one kid.
We live an hour away. My wife’s folks live in town and we see them weekly.
If you aren’t seeing your one grandkid at least every other week or so and they live 5 minutes away, that’s a problem imo. They aren’t even that busy so that’s no excuse. It’s just one kid.
Posted on 7/4/26 at 8:58 am to dek81572
quote:
Sorry for the long thread but I felt I had to explain. Being the parents of a son whose married is tough, feels like were not as important, once again that maybe just a me thing.
I think this is just how life goes, in the same situation & it sucks.
Ask about visiting about 2 weeks in advance, that way they don’t feel pressured & you don’t get hurt feelings if they have other plans.
Posted on 7/4/26 at 9:01 am to liquid rabbit
quote:
Bring beer, steaks, do whatever you need to do to get your reward.
quote:
liquid rabbit
checks out
This post was edited on 7/4/26 at 9:02 am
Posted on 7/4/26 at 9:06 am to dek81572
Do not keep score with the inlaws. If you do keep score, then don't complain to your son about it unless you want to make his life miserable. If you want to see your grandkids then you need to do something about it other than lodge complaints with your son.
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