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re: Need Grandparent advice
Posted on 7/4/26 at 8:53 pm to tigergirl10
Posted on 7/4/26 at 8:53 pm to tigergirl10
quote:
This is awesome that y’all are loving, involved grandparents
True, but good fences (boundaries) make good neighbors (family.) First time moms will often rebel against the husband's parents, or the husband's parents get overly critical about wife's parenting style, etc.
Clear boundaries, clear expectations win. OP's daughter in law shouldn't dread getting a call from OP, "hey, we're on the way back from the mall and wanted to drop by!" There is a performative aspect that most new moms, especially in the social media age, operate by. They'll always have anxiety the house isn't clean enough, they're not feeding the baby up to grandparent's standards, etc. Clear boundaries, like husband and wife know it would make them feel better to pick up the house a big before dinner on Wednesdays, will make the wife feel a lot less self-generated anxiety.
Yes, there is a difference between how the new mom treats her mother vs. husband's mother. She's known one set of parents for ~30ish years, she's know her husband's parents for far less time.
The biblical stuff people are describing are not wrong, but it's curious how the duty keeps getting painted nearly solely on to the husband, but not as much directed at the wife. Something to ponder.
0
Posted on 7/5/26 at 9:43 am to dek81572
Ah. Makes sense. I guess you could still try for the Sunday get together, but at this point I think you’re best bet is to take what the defense gives you. 
Posted on 7/5/26 at 9:54 am to dek81572
I haven’t read this whole thread, so I’m sorry if I’m giving advice it’s already been given. This is coming from the side of your kid because I’m a younger parent.
Come over and offer to help with stuff like babysit, bringing food, even just taking the grandkid to McDonald’s for an hour and giving the parents a break. Host dinners at your house, but make sure you planet a week or two ahead so it’s not surprising them, and don’t drop a guilt trip on them if they can’t come because of some unforeseen reason, life happens.
Biggest thing don’t keep score with the other grandparents, that is a bad situation for everyone and there’s nothing positive that will come from it.
Your kid and grandkid love you, none of it is personal. Remember when you were in that stage of life, your wife, and your kid are what matters and what you based your decisions on, everything else is secondary, including the feelings of the grandparents
Come over and offer to help with stuff like babysit, bringing food, even just taking the grandkid to McDonald’s for an hour and giving the parents a break. Host dinners at your house, but make sure you planet a week or two ahead so it’s not surprising them, and don’t drop a guilt trip on them if they can’t come because of some unforeseen reason, life happens.
Biggest thing don’t keep score with the other grandparents, that is a bad situation for everyone and there’s nothing positive that will come from it.
Your kid and grandkid love you, none of it is personal. Remember when you were in that stage of life, your wife, and your kid are what matters and what you based your decisions on, everything else is secondary, including the feelings of the grandparents
Posted on 7/5/26 at 10:33 am to dek81572
quote:
You don't want to give and advice,
My last sentence was advice!
Honestly answer this question…
You come across as a caring individual via post/text message.
Are you an all knowing, never wrong a-hole IRL that your son doesn’t want to be around?
With him being 5 miles away with your grandbaby, maybe there are other issues you’re not conveying.
This post was edited on 7/5/26 at 10:44 am
Posted on 7/5/26 at 10:44 am to dek81572
quote:
They would come over maybe once a month and have dinner and she came over maybe a couple times during the week over the six months period.
Am I reading this right that you get to see your grandbaby twice a week and that's still not enough?
This does come off as smothering.
Posted on 7/5/26 at 12:27 pm to DownshiftAndFloorIt
Ill offer this -
The biggest marital stressor between my wife and I since kinds arrived has been our mothers.
^^^^ this x100. Let them figure out their family dynamics first and as another poster suggested, play the long game.
The biggest marital stressor between my wife and I since kinds arrived has been our mothers.
^^^^ this x100. Let them figure out their family dynamics first and as another poster suggested, play the long game.
Posted on 7/5/26 at 12:33 pm to dek81572
If you are capable of babysitting without them present once the kid gets a little older they will be pumped you are constantly asking for time
Posted on 7/5/26 at 12:40 pm to dek81572
Just invite them over. Grill a pork butt. Make a gumbo. Something easy that will feed everybody. They'll stop by more than you think.
Posted on 7/5/26 at 1:00 pm to forkedintheroad
quote:
Learn to love to spend time with your wife again. Create an environment where your son wants to bring his child to. And he will.
This is great advice you gave him.
To the OP. Unfortunately it seems like kids seem to migrate to the wife’s family a little more than the son’s family. So they will likely see them a little more than y’all. That’s ok, it’s not a competition as long as you don’t make it one. Offer to keep them so they can have date nights, cook out every few weeks and invite them over. Always make sure to show up for there activities. It will work out. Sons still need their Dads no matter how old they get.
Not sure if you still have other kids at home but if not, definitely build time for you and your wife. We are still very close to both of our children and see them often. But we are also sure loving being empty nesters and the freedom it allows us to just enjoy each other.
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