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re: Is it trashy to live with your SO before marriage?

Posted on 2/21/16 at 7:46 pm to
Posted by ILikeLSUToo
Central, LA
Member since Jan 2008
18018 posts
Posted on 2/21/16 at 7:46 pm to
quote:

The question was about moving in before marriage, not without marriage.


Pretty important distinction, too. Assuming a willingness to approach this question rationally.
Posted by northshorebamaman
Mackinac Island
Member since Jul 2009
38577 posts
Posted on 2/21/16 at 7:47 pm to
quote:

By its very nature, cohabitation encourages a lack of commitment and independence, and is an easy out for the partner that wants to pack a suitcase and leave.

This seems completely backwards to me. I would think that it's easier to leave someone when you have your own home to go back to rather than leaving with a suitcase in the middle of the night to stay with friends or family.
Posted by ILikeLSUToo
Central, LA
Member since Jan 2008
18018 posts
Posted on 2/21/16 at 7:49 pm to
quote:

With marriage you make a pledge. Everyone knows you're married; it's a public declaration. In marriage, you're more likely to make sacrifices for your mate and to strive to make the relationship work. Additionally, divorce is costly, both emotionally and financially. By its very nature, cohabitation encourages a lack of commitment and independence, and is an easy out for the partner that wants to pack a suitcase and leave. It's just not the right thing to do IMHO


Again, you're approaching this from the angle of living together without marriage instead of before marriage. What we're talking about is a matter of doing things in a particular order.
Posted by ISEN_AG
ThunderWolf Manor
Member since Aug 2013
2378 posts
Posted on 2/21/16 at 7:50 pm to
No. Seems like it be the smart thing to see if you can live in the same place before you marry.
Posted by threeputt
God's Country
Member since Sep 2008
24826 posts
Posted on 2/21/16 at 7:56 pm to
I don't see a distinction at all .. Either you're married or not and you are either living together or not.. Pretty black and white to me

And to answer the other question .. No, I did not have sex with my wife before we were married ... But I think that is a totally different issue ... And my opinions on the topic may surprise you ..

In fact we don't have much sex after marriage either
Posted by ILikeLSUToo
Central, LA
Member since Jan 2008
18018 posts
Posted on 2/21/16 at 7:58 pm to
quote:

Either you're married or not and you are either living together or not.. Pretty black and white to me


And you either intend to get married or not.
Posted by northshorebamaman
Mackinac Island
Member since Jul 2009
38577 posts
Posted on 2/21/16 at 8:00 pm to
quote:

And I see you're still a aiding answering the question about sex before marriage.

That would be tricky for him to answer because the only compelling arguments against moving in before marriage are religious and most of those religions also hold a dim view on premarital sex.
Posted by northshorebamaman
Mackinac Island
Member since Jul 2009
38577 posts
Posted on 2/21/16 at 8:01 pm to
quote:

In fact we don't have much sex after marriage either

I hear you.
Posted by AUbagman
LA
Member since Jun 2014
11182 posts
Posted on 2/21/16 at 8:02 pm to
Why in the frick would you commit to a lifetime with someone before ever living under the same roof as them?
Posted by LNCHBOX
70448
Member since Jun 2009
89397 posts
Posted on 2/21/16 at 8:03 pm to
quote:

And to answer the other question .. No, I did not have sex with my wife before we were married ... But I think that is a totally different issue ... And my opinions on the topic may surprise you ..

In fact we don't have much sex after marriage either


Sounds like you married someone that you don't share a passionate connection with. Sucks for you.
Posted by mikelbr
Baton Rouge
Member since Apr 2008
49099 posts
Posted on 2/21/16 at 8:05 pm to
quote:

Is it trashy to live with your SO before marriage? by Pectus



You'd be a god damned fool not to.
Posted by Tiger Ryno
#WoF
Member since Feb 2007
108734 posts
Posted on 2/21/16 at 8:05 pm to
Yes
Posted by threeputt
God's Country
Member since Sep 2008
24826 posts
Posted on 2/21/16 at 8:06 pm to
quote:

And you either intend to get married or not.


Hopefully your boss will give you that big raise now based on the fact that you intend to complete that big project soon
Posted by 3deadtrolls
lafayette
Member since Jan 2014
7079 posts
Posted on 2/21/16 at 8:06 pm to
quote:

In my experience, the trashy ones get knocked up before moving in together even enters their minds. The educated/non-trashy folks seem to co-habitate.


We lived together for two years before we were married. I took a new job about two hours away from home and she came with me. We were already married when our son was conceived though.

Eta: You wouldn't buy a car without test driving it.
This post was edited on 2/21/16 at 8:08 pm
Posted by ILikeLSUToo
Central, LA
Member since Jan 2008
18018 posts
Posted on 2/21/16 at 8:13 pm to
quote:

Hopefully your boss will give you that big raise now based on the fact that you intend to complete that big project soon



He might, if he trusted me as much as my wife and I trust each other. But keeping in line with the illogical comparison, he sure as hell didn't assign me that big project my first day on the job.
Posted by yoga girl
Member since Dec 2015
3691 posts
Posted on 2/21/16 at 8:14 pm to
Its not trashy but I wouldn't do it.
Posted by threeputt
God's Country
Member since Sep 2008
24826 posts
Posted on 2/21/16 at 8:17 pm to
And I'm not saying you should get married after one date
Posted by Captain Crown
Member since Jun 2011
57264 posts
Posted on 2/21/16 at 8:18 pm to
No
Posted by GeorgeTheGreek
Sparta, Greece
Member since Mar 2008
69568 posts
Posted on 2/21/16 at 8:18 pm to
quote:

But cohabitation to me is a classless act and shows a weak man .. Why not be a man and just wait until you get married

Your definition of what it is to be a man makes zero sense.
Posted by AUbagman
LA
Member since Jun 2014
11182 posts
Posted on 2/21/16 at 8:21 pm to
quote:

Your definition of what it is to be a man makes zero sense.


Yeah, it's pretty dumb.
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