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re: Is it trashy to live with your SO before marriage?
Posted on 2/22/16 at 12:29 pm to LSUBoo
Posted on 2/22/16 at 12:29 pm to LSUBoo
quote:
Sounds like you're just anti-marriage, regardless of the living situation.
No, I just don't like the idea of doing all of those things without a commitment readily in place.
1
Posted on 2/22/16 at 12:31 pm to kingbob
quote:
because it gives you all of the benefits without exposing you to the contractual liabilities that marriage imposes on leaving the arrangement
you recognize this but dont see it as a smart decision to live with that person to make sure you two are truely compatible before getting all the legalities involved?
Posted on 2/22/16 at 12:33 pm to kingbob
quote:
No, I just don't like the idea of doing all of those things without a commitment readily in place.
No one's saying that you should move in with her after the first few dates go well. The thread is about moving in together before marriage... as in with the intent of getting married. There should be a pretty solid commitment in place by the time you get to moving in together.
Posted on 2/22/16 at 12:35 pm to LSUBoo
quote:
There should be a pretty solid commitment in place by the time you get to moving in together.
I agree with this, I just think that marriage should be that commitment.
Posted on 2/22/16 at 12:38 pm to kingbob
I think going the other way around is the more prudent decision... but I'm also not a Christian. I realize that religion is probably the biggest factor in play here.
Posted on 2/22/16 at 12:42 pm to kingbob
quote:why?
I just think that marriage should be that commitment.
Posted on 2/22/16 at 12:47 pm to Pectus
No, but it's trashy to move in together too soon.
Posted on 2/22/16 at 12:48 pm to JohnnyKilroy
quote:
I just think that marriage should be that commitment.
why?
Personal preference and from anecdotal experience. It doesn't actually bother me what other people do, that's just what I consider ideal.
I think you're crazy if you get married without taking at least one long road trip with your SO. Nothing reveals all of your inherent character flaws and potentially annoying habits faster than that.
Posted on 2/22/16 at 12:50 pm to kingbob
quote:
That's my point. The purpose of marriage is completely undermined by simply doing as you say, because it gives you all of the benefits without exposing you to the contractual liabilities that marriage imposes on leaving the arrangement.
This is the most solid argument I've heard for living together before marriage. All of the benefits and none of the risk.
Posted on 2/22/16 at 12:51 pm to kingbob
quote:
I think you're crazy if you get married without taking at least one long road trip with your SO. Nothing reveals all of your inherent character flaws and potentially annoying habits faster than that.
except living together...
you shouldn't marry someone until you know and are comfortable with their bathroom usage.
Posted on 2/22/16 at 12:54 pm to Evil Little Thing
quote:
This is the most solid argument I've heard for living together before marriage. All of the benefits and none of the risk.
The issue is aggregation of risky behavior. It leads to bad shite like single mothers because 2 people living together are a lot more likely to accidentally make a baby than 2 people not living together. It's also a lot easier for a man to leave the mother of his child if he's not married than if he is.
This leads to more single mothers. Being a child reared in a 2 parent household is the single most important indicator of future success at life. Income, graduation rates, likelihood of incarceration, ect can all be traced to being raised in a single parent vs two parent household.
I want to discourage activities which lead to more single parent households in deference to 2 parent households in the interest of the children who will be reared in those households.
Posted on 2/22/16 at 12:54 pm to kingbob
quote:
I think you're crazy if you get married without taking at least one long road trip with your SO. Nothing reveals all of your inherent character flaws and potentially annoying habits faster than that.
Back when the west was growing, this would happen. They'd get married then take arse and wagon west. If they worked well together, they made it. If they went crazy with each other, one or none would make it. If one made it, it's likely they'd get married along the way to another person.
Posted on 2/22/16 at 12:55 pm to Displaced
quote:
except living together...
you shouldn't marry someone until you know and are comfortable with their bathroom usage.
Nah, living together takes a couple months to flesh out that which takes 2 or 3 days on the road. Efficiency, man!
Posted on 2/22/16 at 12:57 pm to kingbob
quote:
The issue is aggregation of risky behavior. It leads to bad shite like single mothers because 2 people living together are a lot more likely to accidentally make a baby than 2 people not living together. It's also a lot easier for a man to leave the mother of his child if he's not married than if he is.
This leads to more single mothers.
Any data to back this up, or just pulling it out your arse?
Posted on 2/22/16 at 12:59 pm to Pectus
So why is living together before marriage trashy in your view?
Posted on 2/22/16 at 12:59 pm to LSUBoo
quote:
Any data to back this up, or just pulling it out your arse?
There's a mountain of data on this. I'll try to find it and link it later.
Posted on 2/22/16 at 1:10 pm to kingbob
Yeah, it seems intuitive for the most part, but I want to see some study or statistics rather than just believe it.
Posted on 2/22/16 at 1:13 pm to kingbob
quote:
The issue is aggregation of risky behavior. It leads to bad shite like single mothers because 2 people living together are a lot more likely to accidentally make a baby than 2 people not living together. It's also a lot easier for a man to leave the mother of his child if he's not married than if he is.
This leads to more single mothers. Being a child reared in a 2 parent household is the single most important indicator of future success at life. Income, graduation rates, likelihood of incarceration, ect can all be traced to being raised in a single parent vs two parent household.
I want to discourage activities which lead to more single parent households in deference to 2 parent households in the interest of the children who will be reared in those households.
Posted on 2/22/16 at 1:14 pm to Pectus
Now this is an interesting subject. I would love if people had studies that show how effective cohabitation is at preventing a divorce at a later time.
Posted on 2/22/16 at 1:30 pm to Pectus
quote:
Is it trashy to live with your SO before marriage?
How else do you raise your 1st kid with two parents?
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