re: Fellow divorcees...did you know that your marriage was over, or were you blindsided?

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Blindsided. - Went to work at 8am. - neighbor called me at 9 saying there was a moving truck in my driveway. - called the house, wife said she didn't see the moving truck - called neighbor to see if she was sure - she replied YES - 9:30 i get to my house - wife gone and all her shite is gone - hadn't seen the bitch since

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Your female neighbor called you about there being a moving truck at the house?
Why didn’t she just call your wife or walk over there and ask?

What I mean is, were you banging the neighbor on the side?

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These threads are always interesting to do a self-assessment of whether I could be blindsided by a situation like this I guess in theory the answer is yes

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The only one that really gets me is Mid Iowa Tiger. Ain’t no accounting for that story, as I remember it.

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after 25 or so years of marriage and 7 kids was a shocker.

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Damn. How are you doing now? How are you with your kids?;

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I was blindsided. Came home and found a note on the door "tired of living for everyone else, want to live for me". Opened the door to an empty house and bank account. Told that story on here a few times.

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Its concerning to me that so many dudes have had their accounts wiped out by their wives.

Do y'all not control the finances in a way that you are always in the know?

I knew what was coming, but she didn't know that I knew.

I played the game and didn't change how I acted, which was tough. I got my financials in order over the next five months and put my plan in place when the big day came.

When she came to me about the divorce, i was as nice as could be. In the end I got her to agree to an uncontested divorce with my lawyer and came out pretty dang good as far as divorces go for men.

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Fellow divorcees...did you know that your marriage was over, or were you blindsided?

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While in it, no. I was too thick in the weeds to see it, or even listen to the cries for help coming from my ex-wife.

Essentially, I wasn't ready to listen to, acknowledge, or change anything. I have accepted my part in the failure of my marriage.

In looking back, because being single allows for true self-introspective, providing one is not just jumping into another relationship, my marriage was on life support for many years prior to separation and divorce.

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Love especially not blood related Love definitely changes. Let’s just say that soulmate thing it ain’t true in my case.

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The older I get, the more I realize this, but it’s hard to wrap my head around.
My own personal experiences with my own family, friends, coworkers, stories you hear, etc, it seems like almost all marriages end in divorce, and it kinda scares me.

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All these divorce threads makes me not want to get married lol.

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I would suggest marriage is a great thing. But you have to think with more than your trouser brain. You have to really get to know the person, and their friends and family intimately to know.

That was part of my issue. I met her through church, so I just sort of thought that was enough, but things changed after we got married and the honeymoon phase was over and we had to live each day.
We also had some abnormal things that impacted us as well, including her being a nurse whose schooling was paid in part by a hospital that required her to work the grave yard shift. There are almost always extenuating circumstances, but usually nothing that can't be overcome if the will of both people are there to overcome it.

The wort part for me personally was that I paid off her remaining student loans that the hospital didn't cover, and it wasn't long after that I found out what was going on. I felt used for sure.

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Damn. How are you doing now? How are you with your kids?

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Me? shite it depends on the day. It’s been a while but I find relationships a pain in the arse. I’ll go long (over a year) periods of not even trying to date but then forget how much of a pain in the arse it is and dip my toe back in. Then I get reminded - texts, calls, coordination, trying to merge lives and friendships, and I usually end it in 2-3 weeks.

I do prefer to be alone mostly - I can fish, hunt, and travel whenever I want as long as I don’t have the kids.

The kids? It depends. We had 7 and there is a big age range. The ones who were adults when their mom blew things up were really wrecked for a while and it really damaged my relationship with one son. He thinks it’s my fault - no evidence but he’s always been closer to his mom. Their temperaments are closer aligned.

The ones who were younger it depends we had 2 boy and 3 girls in the house at the time. The boys I’m really close with, the girls are teenagers and it’s really hard to get them to spend time together they are often busy with school, sports, and friends and then their mom consistently schedules shite to interfere with my time on top of that. Plus they’re girls who really don’t adapt to going back and forth well anyway.

It sucks, but I’m hoping not forcing the issue pays dividends downs the road. Only time will tell.

Our youngest is 13 now and we’ve had the last 3 weeks traveling just the two of us. He loves it but I would definitely give anything to not have put the kids through this shite. I don’t like it either, but I know the impact will be on the kids forever and that really bothers me.