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re: Anyone else struggle with the decision for kids/no kids?

Posted on 4/10/18 at 10:17 pm to
Posted by GRTiger
On a roof eating alligator pie
Member since Dec 2008
71840 posts
Posted on 4/10/18 at 10:17 pm to
quote:

I think we decided to try when we started looking at other people's kids and said to ourselves, "We can do so much better than that!"



They have a funny way of making you realize that this was generally incorrect.
Posted by RedlandsTiger
Greenwell Springs, LA
Member since Jan 2008
3216 posts
Posted on 4/10/18 at 10:17 pm to
I did struggle, and after 10 years of marriage we decide to have kids, it changed our lives. Our 1st child was born with cerebral palsy, but we decided to have 2 more kids. I didn't think I could be a good parent (my Dad was awful). I decided I would do my best and I have never regretted it. God I love my boy's and I'm so proud of them. They make me hopeful.
Posted by Presidio
Member since Nov 2017
3060 posts
Posted on 4/10/18 at 10:18 pm to
28, ha! I've got boots older than you!

It's not too late, in fact I'd say it's still too early - and it's not all bad to wait on having kids. I was 101% dead damn certain that I didn't want to ever have kids. At 50 my wife (who's ten yrs younger) says "guess what!". I curled up in a fetal position and mumbled "oh shite, oh shite, oh shite" non-stop for a couple days. I'm not going to belabor the path from there to now, but my little girl is the joy of my life. I just got back from putting her to bed. We don't EVER say she was an "accident" because God sure knew what He was doing and His timing was right.

I often reflect on how I wish I had the same energy to devote to her now that I did in my 20's and 30's and I wonder if I haven't short-changed her in that way. At the same time I know that how I was then I would have wrecked her emotionally with my own lack of patience and general immaturity and put her in therapy for life. All things considered, take the time of your life when you're more at ease with who you are vs lots of energy - if you can do both at the same time, good on ya! Truth be told, if I was 10 yrs younger, I'd want another one.

My wife used to say "let's have a baby and I'll bet you'll turn around and like being a father". That's one helluva gamble but it turned out she was right - she was right for the me-in-my-50's, but probably wouldn't have been right 20-some yrs earlier. It's such on overused cliche but I really cannot imagine life without my little girl.

tl/dr: you've got time yet, don't rush it but if you're not as stoutly against it as I was then it will change your life in all he right ways. It's not easy, but nothing worthwhile is.
This post was edited on 4/10/18 at 10:28 pm
Posted by Gusoline
Jacksonville, NC
Member since Dec 2013
11164 posts
Posted on 4/10/18 at 10:23 pm to
simple. If you're good people, procreate. If you're shitty people, get fixed.

WTF is there to live for after 50 if you don't have children? Stuff?
Posted by lsunurse
Member since Dec 2005
129146 posts
Posted on 4/10/18 at 10:26 pm to
quote:

WTF is there to live for after 50 if you don't have children? Stuff?





Kindly frick yourself
Posted by go_tigres
Member since Sep 2013
5494 posts
Posted on 4/10/18 at 10:34 pm to
I’ve got 4. Sure, I’d be able to retire at 45 and would be able to live more luxuriously....but I’d rather my kids. I couldn’t imagine them not being around.
Posted by dcrews
Houston, TX
Member since Feb 2011
32130 posts
Posted on 4/10/18 at 10:57 pm to
quote:

If you're shitty people, get fixed.


Shame your parents didn't heed this advice
Posted by Bill Parker?
Member since Jan 2013
5543 posts
Posted on 4/10/18 at 11:09 pm to
Married at age 30, waited a couple of years to have kids. Life changing event, obviously. Best thing we ever did.

But I'll admit, we're hard-core parents. We're raising kids to be adults, so we expect our kids to tow the line. We're able to make it fun, but they know what is expected of them in school, church and dealing with other kids.

And most importantly, they both play up in age on their travel teams. Gotta prepare them for college intramural sports...priorities, man.
Posted by SportsGuyNOLA
New Orleans, LA
Member since May 2014
20733 posts
Posted on 4/11/18 at 12:28 am to
Ive never struggled with this ever.

Ive never wanted kids.

Second-best decision I’ve ever made, after never getting married.

Let the haters hate. It’s the perfect situation for me.
Posted by Tiger Prawn
Member since Dec 2016
26340 posts
Posted on 4/11/18 at 12:36 am to
Take a few years to enjoy life to yourselves. Hang around friends or relatives that have kids and maybe it’ll help make up your mind
Posted by cattus
Member since Jan 2009
16076 posts
Posted on 4/11/18 at 1:29 am to
Never

47 and no kids. Glad I didn't, couldn't imagine my life with kids!
Posted by noonan
Nassau Bay, TX
Member since Aug 2005
37017 posts
Posted on 4/11/18 at 2:00 am to
I say if you're struggling with the decision then you should do it. I'm 40 with a two year old and love every second of it.

Best part of my day is seeing him in the morning. Though I admit it's really nice when we put him down for the night.

I tell people it's like having that friend that is just nonstop fun. There's always something going on and you enjoy every second of it, but when they leave you just sit back and feel so good to just relax.

It's tons of work, but I wouldn't give it up for anything.
Posted by fishfighter
RIP
Member since Apr 2008
40026 posts
Posted on 4/11/18 at 2:24 am to
At 60 years old, in all the things I been thru, the greatest things in my life were the days my two kids were born. I remember those days as if it happen just yesterday. The worse day in my life was when my son passed away. If it wasn't for my daughter, I would have no reason to be alive today My only regret in my life is not having more kids. Reason, we always said to each other that we couldn't afford more. We always wanted the best for our kids. My MIL flat out told us, y'all can't afford another? Just add a little more water to the gravy.

I came from big family and miss my two oldest brothers that has passed away.
Posted by Num1TigerSpam
Member since Mar 2018
245 posts
Posted on 4/11/18 at 2:38 am to
For me it has a lot to do with career. Time getting there and dedication to it once there. If not for that, I'd definitely have kids and sooner. I want time to squeeze in not having children while married. But then I think about how being more financial stable may help ease the stress of parenting and its ability to makeup for the advantages of time. If I had problems staying in shape and new I wouldn't be able to be as involved I'd be in more of a rush to decide
Posted by northshorebamaman
Mackinac Island
Member since Jul 2009
38577 posts
Posted on 4/11/18 at 2:38 am to
quote:

The worse day in my life was when my son passed away.

I don't know you but I'm sorry to hear about your loss. My children are my world as I'm sure yours are for you. I'm glad you have your daughter to help keep you putting one foot in front of the other.
Posted by fishfighter
RIP
Member since Apr 2008
40026 posts
Posted on 4/11/18 at 3:01 am to
thanks. I walk on a wire every minute of the day when I'm awake thinking of my son. It's a living hell. My faith in God is really the only thing keeping me from going over the hill.
Posted by supadave3
Houston, TX
Member since Dec 2005
32421 posts
Posted on 4/11/18 at 3:06 am to
quote:

how do I go back from kids to no kids?


Casey Anthony? Is that you?
Posted by kywildcatfanone
Wildcat Country!
Member since Oct 2012
141210 posts
Posted on 4/11/18 at 5:10 am to
I don't have kids. Wife didn't want kids when we married. I do regret it some days. But this world is declining rapidly, sort of glad I don't have kids who have to deal with it.
Posted by tigerinthebueche
Member since Oct 2010
38239 posts
Posted on 4/11/18 at 5:16 am to
quote:

The only people who likely better off without kids are the people that KNOW they don't want kids. There is nothing wrong with that, but someone on the fence will regret not having them IMO.



This. My wife and I knew we didn’t want kids. She still went thru a little time when she hit her 40s that she kinda wanted a kid. Luckily she physically couldn’t have one so it made things a little easier. If you aren’t dead sure you don’t want em, better have them cause the maternal instinct runs strong in most women and I don’t think you want that shite causing problems in your relationship later on
Posted by ZeekFreak
Member since Jun 2017
616 posts
Posted on 4/11/18 at 7:56 am to
best job you'll ever have as a man, is being dad
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