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re: Anyone else struggle with the decision for kids/no kids?
Posted on 4/10/18 at 9:02 pm to Tigerfan56
Posted on 4/10/18 at 9:02 pm to Tigerfan56
quote:
Anyone else struggle with the decision for kids/no kids?
My husband and I were on the fence for almost the first year of our marriage(I was 34, he was 32 when we married). We would go back and forth on it. We finally sat down and discussed it at length and decided we did want children. With our ages, decided just one would be best.
I had been told over and over for years from my OB/GYN that I would have no issues conceiving. Then...when we actually started trying...turns out I had a medical condition I was never aware of that would make this more difficult. That's why I posted earlier about getting tested. Many fertility clinics offer testing for people that want kids but not yet...but just want to make sure there are no hidden obstacles.
I wish I would have done that long ago. It would have changed many of the decisions I made back then.
quote:
biggest con to me is I worry about regretting it down the road.
I totally understand this feeling. I've decided, at 40, to give it all one last shot. Will cause us to go into debt over it...but if it works will be worth every penny and then some. And if it doesn't work...at least 10-20 years down the road I won't be wondering what would have happened if I would have done more extensive treatments.
quote:
it's still a decision we will have to make soon.
You are 28...you still have a good chunk of time on your side. So at least there is that. Good luck and all that matters is that you and your wife are at peace with whatever your decision is. Don't let anyone try to make you feel that having children is something you just have to do. Let that be a decision that you and your wife make on your own. I mean...I may not ever be a mom, while that sounds sad it isn't the end of the world. I don't HAVE to be a parent to have worth in this world or to be happy with my life...neither do you
This post was edited on 4/10/18 at 9:05 pm
1
Posted on 4/10/18 at 9:06 pm to LuckyTiger
quote:
it’s like they are going on an Everest expedition with all the crap they carry
All of my best friends have babies/kids and I joke that the definition of parenthood should be "someone who carries shite". It is crazy the amount of shite people with kids have to keep on them at all times.
I felt bad for this couple at the airport the other day with 1 infant, 1 barely walking kid, and 1 hyper toddler. Even after checking luggage, you have 2 kids to carry and one to keep a close eye on, plus a stroller, plus a baby carrier, plus the carry-bags with all of their shite in them..
I was tired just watching. I don't know how people do it.
Posted on 4/10/18 at 9:23 pm to LouisianaLady
We pack/carry less shite now with 3 than we did with 1. You learn efficiencies and realize you don't need 75% of the crap you lugged around for the first.
That said, we have not traveled by air with all 3, and likely won't until they can all walk. It sounds miserable to me too.
That said, we have not traveled by air with all 3, and likely won't until they can all walk. It sounds miserable to me too.
Posted on 4/10/18 at 9:25 pm to lsunurse
Praying for y'all nurse! I really hope it all works out for you guys.
I had PCOS (managed with birth control for 10 years), and got pregnant on our first try both times. It took my parents 4 years to get pregnant with me. Janet Jackson had a baby at 50. Fertility is such a crazy, unpredictable thing.
I had PCOS (managed with birth control for 10 years), and got pregnant on our first try both times. It took my parents 4 years to get pregnant with me. Janet Jackson had a baby at 50. Fertility is such a crazy, unpredictable thing.
Posted on 4/10/18 at 9:26 pm to Tigerfan56
Mriluv and I are 37. Still no kids, not really worried about. We are enjoying travelling and partying. If it happens, it happens. If not, oh well.
Posted on 4/10/18 at 9:27 pm to Tigerfan56
If you’re white and conservative, please have kids, going to need tax payers and contributors to society. The illegals and now majority of egg suckers will have so many kids that liberal policies will choke the country dry of morals and the Constitution
Posted on 4/10/18 at 9:29 pm to Tigerfan56
Wife will make the decision for you when she is 31. Best and worst decision she'll ever make.
Posted on 4/10/18 at 9:32 pm to foreverLSU
quote:
I had PCOS (managed with birth control for 10 years)
Thank you
I have PCOS as well. Because I had been on birth control since I was a teenager(irregular cycles) it masked the PCOS all those years. So as soon as I got off it...some of the symptoms popped up (mostly weight gain). I've done 4 IUIs (with surgery to remove a cyst so I could continue treatments) with no luck. It's "go big or go home" moment for me. Always said I didn't want to do IVF but after seeing it work for my sister in law...it's changed our minds on it. This either works or I'm just done for good. Tired of feeling my life is on pause...after over 3 years of trying you have to decide when enough is enough so you can just live your life and not continue living in this limbo life full of maybes and hopefullys.
Posted on 4/10/18 at 9:36 pm to LCA131
quote:
Yeah you'll be those weird old parents at all the school functions
GFY.
Posted on 4/10/18 at 9:36 pm to northshorebamaman
quote:
Plus, in my 20's, I didn't really have the resources to do a lot of the things people mention as reasons to delay having kids (travel, etc.). I'm in a much better position now and I'm still young enough to enjoy it
Me either. I'd have just been broke with no kids
My youngest will be 18 when I'm 47
Posted on 4/10/18 at 9:38 pm to Tigerfan56
I put it off. Wasn't sure I was ready. Both school and job reasons.
I was pretty selfish for a spell and was happy just being the wife and I doing whatever we wanted.
Then they told us when we tried to have kids we couldn't . We'll turns out the good Lord had other plans and we have three.
It's the greatest thing in life. All the shite I knew I would have to sacrifice or not do doesn't amount to shite anymore. Tonight was the second game of coaching tee ball. It's extremely fullfilling.
I never had an answer for the question "what do you want to be when you grow up"... The answer I have now.
It's being Dad.
My only regret is we didn't try soon enough and we only have three. I'd love to have had 6. It's amazing. I've had a rough go of things health wise bthat I am sure will catch up to me. I ask the good Lord in prayer just let me get them raised up.
You won't regret it.
I was pretty selfish for a spell and was happy just being the wife and I doing whatever we wanted.
Then they told us when we tried to have kids we couldn't . We'll turns out the good Lord had other plans and we have three.
It's the greatest thing in life. All the shite I knew I would have to sacrifice or not do doesn't amount to shite anymore. Tonight was the second game of coaching tee ball. It's extremely fullfilling.
I never had an answer for the question "what do you want to be when you grow up"... The answer I have now.
It's being Dad.
My only regret is we didn't try soon enough and we only have three. I'd love to have had 6. It's amazing. I've had a rough go of things health wise bthat I am sure will catch up to me. I ask the good Lord in prayer just let me get them raised up.
You won't regret it.
Posted on 4/10/18 at 9:41 pm to Tigerfan56
If I had to raise kids up in BR and couldn't afford to put them in private school, the decision would be no kids.
Posted on 4/10/18 at 9:44 pm to Tigerfan56
Obviously to each their own, but my 5 year old son is the absolute best thing that ever happened to me. No matter how shitty I feel or how bad of a day/week I’m having, when he runs to me and hugs me around the legs, everything else is meaningless. Being a dad is the best thing and sometimes the hardest thing in the world at the same time.
Posted on 4/10/18 at 9:44 pm to lsu xman
quote:
If I had to raise kids up in BR and couldn't afford to put them in private school, the decision would be no kids.
We only have one in school but we'd just move to the burbs or out of state if we couldn't do private. I care more about my kid's education than avoiding a 45 minute commute
Posted on 4/10/18 at 9:49 pm to lsunurse
lsunurse--I'm crossing my fingers for your success!
I also have PCOS--I knew before we started trying that it was going to be difficult because of irregular periods, but wasn't diagnosed until we were sent to a fertility specialist. I was also insulin resistant but never showed any external signs of PCOS (I was actually underweight).
After a couple of years of various drugs, changing diet to low-carb so it would help with cycles, and one IUI, I got pregnant with kid #1.
Kid #2 was easier--just a change in diet while we debated whether we wanted to go through all the fertility treatments again.
Kid #3 was a pleasant surprise.
OP--sorry to hijack. IMO, if you already think you MIGHT regret not trying to have kids, you WILL regret it. My husband and I both knew that "one day" we would want to have kids. We didn't start trying right after getting married though; I think we decided to try when we started looking at other people's kids and said to ourselves, "We can do so much better than that!"
I also have PCOS--I knew before we started trying that it was going to be difficult because of irregular periods, but wasn't diagnosed until we were sent to a fertility specialist. I was also insulin resistant but never showed any external signs of PCOS (I was actually underweight).
After a couple of years of various drugs, changing diet to low-carb so it would help with cycles, and one IUI, I got pregnant with kid #1.
Kid #2 was easier--just a change in diet while we debated whether we wanted to go through all the fertility treatments again.
Kid #3 was a pleasant surprise.
OP--sorry to hijack. IMO, if you already think you MIGHT regret not trying to have kids, you WILL regret it. My husband and I both knew that "one day" we would want to have kids. We didn't start trying right after getting married though; I think we decided to try when we started looking at other people's kids and said to ourselves, "We can do so much better than that!"
Posted on 4/10/18 at 9:52 pm to Tigerfan56
Nope.wife and i love kids and always figured we'd have a few,and i can't imagine life without them...now if they'd just stay little forever.
Posted on 4/10/18 at 9:53 pm to Dorothy
Thank you Dorothy
Posted on 4/10/18 at 10:00 pm to KJS
There is only a very very small percentage of people who say that they regret having children. They may recommend not having children, but they would never say that they regretted having their children. It just goes to show that life is not about trying to make it as easy as you can.
Posted on 4/10/18 at 10:01 pm to Tigerfan56
I got married at 28 too and had our first kid at 33. My wife was 31. Everyone’s journey is their own but kids are great. Spending your life with these wondererful little people who only live in the present is great. It gives you perspective and purpose. We went through the same senerio before kids. I knew I’d never regret having kids but I may regret not having them. Four years later we have three and life is good.
Posted on 4/10/18 at 10:12 pm to lsunurse
I don't understand the point of getting married if you are not going to have children (not directed at people with fertility issues). My wife and I discussed children prior to being married and agreed if she couldnt conceive naturally then we would adopt. I am one of 5 children and my wife's family is rather large as well. Plus we believe that God will guide us and wants us to have children. Ive seen people admit to being selfish which is just a horrible character flaw. I believe its also one of the huge problems affecting morality in civilized countries and will lead to our demise.
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