Bill Parker?

If you can't trust a queen named Delisha, who the hell can you trust?

Shoe throwin' jerkoff.

Eddie Murphy is laughing.

Next time I get arrested, I'm doing my best to catch a "causing a catastrophe" charge.

Yes, and I pronounce it "Miss-res" because it pisses off the wife.

Luckily still have one parent and one in law alive. Both are almost 90 years old. Not a lot there, although both families were hard workers who were careful with their money and have assets. My hope is that they can live out their lives comfortably on what they've earned.

Had an uncle who lived in Dolton Illinois back when it was a respectable suitcase town. Saw him once a year when they would drive down to visit in the summer. They joked that they came down to eat real watermelons and good fried catfish. He had two daughters who moved out west and embraced the liberal lifestyle. When he got older and quit hunting, he drove down from Illinois and gave me all of his guns. That was 30 years ago, and to this day I'm still thankful and somewhat shocked at his generosity.

Water cannons seem like a great idea.

Decent chance I might overheat and die if the weatherman reported the temperature with a fricking C behind it.

The former mayor of Jackson MS said hold my beer and watch me walk out this mawlfalkin room.

I am looking forward to "judge" jumanji's dissent tome. Would be great if she would break it down into chapters with a table of contents this time.

I don't take my dogs out in public, but I have one mutt that makes sure he's the center of attention.

Bend down to pet him, he head butts you. Don't bend down to pet him, he jumps up and rams his snout in your butthole. Then takes off to sprint in circles around the house or yard.

My friends and family recognize the art in his assholery.