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re: Anyone else struggle with the decision for kids/no kids?
Posted on 4/11/18 at 9:43 am to Tigerfan56
Posted on 4/11/18 at 9:43 am to Tigerfan56
OP this is why you marry a younger chick -- so you can have kids later in life when you're ready.
0
Posted on 4/11/18 at 10:34 am to Tigerfan56
quote:
Any OT'ers struggle with this?
I always was an I don't want kids person. But after meeting the right person and getting married (and I guess getting older), I changed my mind. Very glad I did, having a child is awesome so far.
You still have time at 28, no need to make your decision now. You can still go out and do fun things, it just changes a bit.
Posted on 4/11/18 at 10:42 am to lsunurse
quote:Ehhh, I agree with him
I really hate dumb fricking statements like this
Posted on 4/11/18 at 11:28 am to slackster
great perspective! Seriously..thanks for sharing that 
Posted on 4/11/18 at 11:47 am to TH03
quote:Ask them if they'd trade their kids and never having another for your life. You might not get as many takers as you think.
It’s a pretty dumb blanket statement though.
Some hoodrat with 6 different baby daddies is living a better life than me? Doubt it
All the material wealth and power in the world isn't worth what being a good dad rewards you with.
Posted on 4/11/18 at 12:20 pm to TH03
quote:
It’s a pretty dumb blanket statement though.
Exactly. He could have posted "I felt like I hadn't really lived yet until I had children" instead of the blanket statement.
I mean I get it. I would imagine that being a parent forever changes your life in ways you can't fully comprehend until you have a child. But don't fricking tell me my life is meaningless because I'm not a parent.
Posted on 4/11/18 at 12:22 pm to lsunurse
quote:
But don't fricking tell me my life is meaningless because I'm not a parent.
you were put on this earth to bear children. Get to it , woman !
Posted on 4/11/18 at 12:23 pm to Tigerfan56
Just remember that parents who already have kids have an obligation to say stuff like "I cant imagine life with out them" or whatever crap that makes them feel better about their decision. They all have to justify their decisions because a kid is something you are stuck with and they bring nothing to the table outside of draining your bank account and baggage whenever you want to do something.
Posted on 4/11/18 at 12:23 pm to Tigerfan56
No kids here, but at 31 almost 32, I see myself mentally shifting from "What can I have TODAY?" to "What will be my legacy?"
Posted on 4/11/18 at 12:23 pm to MorbidTheClown
quote:
ou were put on this earth to bear children. Get to it , woman !
Yeah you can go frick yourself as well
Posted on 4/11/18 at 12:25 pm to lsunurse
now that's not nice. after i was concerned about you and the helicopter crash.
have an upvote btw
This post was edited on 4/11/18 at 12:26 pm
Posted on 4/11/18 at 12:26 pm to MorbidTheClown
Read my posts on page 5 and then you will get it.
I take back the frick you though, you are usually mostly nice to me on here
I take back the frick you though, you are usually mostly nice to me on here
This post was edited on 4/11/18 at 12:27 pm
Posted on 4/11/18 at 12:29 pm to lsunurse
yeah, i saw all of that. lame joke i guess.
we went through the same thing. no "protection" for 10 years and surprise !
it's all good.
we went through the same thing. no "protection" for 10 years and surprise !
quote:
I take back the frick you though
it's all good.
Posted on 4/11/18 at 12:34 pm to Tigerfan56
I was always on the fence about it. I am 43 now and decided a few years back that I didn't want kids, but that was mostly because my gf and I who have been together for 20 years I helped her raise her two girls. They treat me like their father, although they do see him occasionally and talk to him and I treat them like my daughters. I know people will say it's not the same but I don't feel that way.
Just my $.02.
Just my $.02.
Posted on 4/11/18 at 12:53 pm to slackster
quote:
I know what you're saying, but the moment you have kids, you'll miss them halfway into a night of cocktails or by dinner on the first day of your trip.
Your life simply pivots and your priorities change in an instant. You replace the cocktails on a whim with chocolate milk and donut holes on Saturday mornings. Your trip to Paris becomes your child's first trip to the beach.
sounds like you need to read your reply to Nurse and heed it.
quote:
It's not true for the masses, but it could be for him.
not everyone feels the same way. I love all the people who are so smitten with parenting. They usually seem to lose that fondness about the time the kid hits adolescence. Ask the parents of a teenager how great it is and you don't get near the exuberance about kids as you do when they are infants/toddlers. I know this cause I've experienced this exact reaction from every parent I've ever talked to. Not saying they don't love their kids or being a parent, but you're full of shite if you think its the same level of joy and fulfillment at every age of the child. So to try and proclaim its the most wonderful, fulfilling thing ever in the world ever is foolish.
If it brought that much pleasure to the parent, the parent would never harm, neglect, forsake or even leave a child. And yet, we see these things every day. Its obviously not that great for everyone, right? Lots of dads fishing, hunting, drinking, without their kids. And there sure aint a shortage of moms fricking someone besides dad. So if kids were the absolute greatest thing ever, it would seem infidelity would be less common. But its pretty prevalent. So kids may be great, but they aren't that great apparently to everyone.
Posted on 4/11/18 at 1:01 pm to tigerinthebueche
quote:
If it brought that much pleasure to the parent, the parent would never harm, neglect, forsake or even leave a child. And yet, we see these things every day. Its obviously not that great for everyone, right? Lots of dads fishing, hunting, drinking, without their kids. And there sure aint a shortage of moms fricking someone besides dad. So if kids were the absolute greatest thing ever, it would seem infidelity would be less common. But its pretty prevalent. So kids may be great, but they aren't that great apparently to everyone.
They're not a solution to problems.
If someone is sitting here discussing wanting to be a parent down the road, I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt that they'll be a responsible parent.
People who don't want to be parents have kids all the time because they're irresponsible. I didn't think we were discussing those people.
Posted on 4/11/18 at 1:16 pm to slackster
I get it. I'm not trying to pick a fight with you. Hell I opined early on that the OP should have them. It will probably all work out.
But after 7-8 pages of parents gushing on how great it is, I had to take issue and offer an alternative perspective from one who is childless by choice.
Other realities do exist besides the "your life isn't complete unless you have kids. There the end all be all." one repeated here.
But after 7-8 pages of parents gushing on how great it is, I had to take issue and offer an alternative perspective from one who is childless by choice.
Other realities do exist besides the "your life isn't complete unless you have kids. There the end all be all." one repeated here.
Posted on 4/11/18 at 2:04 pm to Tigerfan56
Well, sometimes biology decides for you
Posted on 4/11/18 at 2:07 pm to lsunurse
It's not my business, obviously, but is adoption off the table for you, Nurse? Of course, you don't have to answer and I understand if you don't.
Posted on 4/11/18 at 2:32 pm to Gris Gris
quote:
but is adoption off the table for you, Nurse?
Yes. For several reasons. I think adoption is a wonderful thing. It just isn't an option for my husband and I.
I wish people truly understood that adoption isn't as easy as many think. Next time you meet someone irl struggling with infertility please refrain from saying "well you can always adopt"...like it is just that simple and an easy fix to everything. It's a very involved process in itself and a very expensive one. Average adoption costs 20-50K here in AZ(that's just domestic, not international adoptions). You can go super cheap and adopt through fostercare(where the state will pretty much pay for everything)...but then you are more than likely adopting a child with either severe medical and/or behavioral issues(many of them stemming from being born to biological mothers who did drugs during their pregnancy). While some couples are more than willing to go through all the hoops and spend the $$$ to adopt...it simply just isn't something my husband and I wish to pursue.
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