re: About 5 months in, still unsure about relationship

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I am selfish, but not anymore than most people. I'm also an a-hole, but in a funny, playful way that amuses people, most of the time. I don't like hurting people. Way too much anxiety for that.

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If you know you're being selfish and you don't like hurting people, then why are you hemming and hawing about ending a relationship you don't want to be in? She will be the one hurt, not you. Your wounds will be self-inflicted.

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Didn't mean to come across as "whining" and I'm not going for validation, only clarification.

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Strangers can't clarify how you feel, only you can do that.

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My ex and I had 3 dogs. The one that was mine from before the marriage chose to stay with her, but died of cancer a few months ago.

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What in the actual frickity frick is this nonsense

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Ok bro, against my own judgment, I read your goddamned novel and I’m still here to give you some advice and break this shite down for you so pay attention:

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Dope. This is how almost EVERY relationship begins for the first 1-6 months. You should know that by now and this first paragraph should have no bearing on your overall decision... let’s move on..

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I disagree with you on this. There is faux action intended to for initial courtship, and then there is just how someone is. This is just how she is. It isn't a front. I am fairly confident on that.

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This has a hint of being overbearing in the long run. This should be sort of a red flag for you

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The thing is, is that she isn't overbearing in a naggy or needy way, she is just overly caring some times. You know, some times I want to be like "I PROMISE I'M FINE, THANK YOU."

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All of this shite is irrelevant. ALL women love to talk/gossip... my wife is one of the ones who honestly doesn’t engage in the he said/she said shite, but she sure does love listening to the drama. All women do, get used to it

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this is a fair point. Its in their DNA. Sigh.

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You’re taking it slow emotionally, so kudos, but if she isn’t lining up with what you’re feeling, again, it’s a red flag

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I am taking things slow emotionally, exactly. This is something that I feel is healthy. She is somewhat understanding in this.

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Now, given all the red flags I’ve previously mentioned, let’s throw that out the window for a second.... DO NOT EVER FOLLOW THE LEAD OF SOMEONE WHO HAS FAILED. I think I read that you’re around 30, so I’ll assume your best bud is also.... DO NOT FOLLOW HIS PATH. Either get out of the relationship for yourself, or stay in it for yourself. His life ain’t your life. I think people who get divorced at such a young age are idiots for either (a) getting married for the wrong reasons at the wrong age or (b) not taking their vows seriously.... so trying to live like your friend would be a HUGE mistake

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I've addressed this in other replies, but yes, I fully understand how short-sighted and naive it would be to follow his lead.

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In summary, I think your best option would be to leave this girl. You’re obviously just not feeling ‘it’, so get out now before she talks you into getting a little dog or some shite (sort of joking here, but I’ve seen it happen before ).. in my opinion, when you find the right one, you’ll know because you won’t want anyone else to have her

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I think that I am going to stick it out, for now, and keep thinking about things.

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Don’t apologize. Sometimes it’s hard to talk to people you know IRL about IRL shite. Truth be told, the OT can be a great place for advice, shoulder leaning, and good natured ribbing... I think you’ve gotten all three in this thread

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absolutely. Impressive showing from the OT.

sounds like you're the kind of guy that overthinks stuff. nothing wrong with that, I'm similar in ways and I've dealt with similar situations.

first off, stop putting so much pressure on yourself to figure everything out, I'm sure you're a smart guy and capable of making adult decisions. second with that being said, many times, it's not obvious whether you should be with someone or not. many have been in that situation before so it's not new. so yes, listen to other people's advice but this is your life, not theres. you have to decide what's most important and make the best decision for you and stick with it. and typically if you do that it'll benefit the other person too.


because if there's one thing I know for sure, going back and forth on the question "should we be together or not?" will negatively effect your relationship and eventually end it. so make your decision before the circumstances force your hand

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You aren’t ready to settle down, and won’t know what you want until you experience both sides (the single life you’re craving & being with her).

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The thing is, is that I am kind of ready to settle down, I just don't quite know if this is where I want to settle down.

And I definitely wouldn't say that I am "craving" single life. I do miss parts of it, like I mentioned in OP, and I do enjoy the freedom, but I would rather be in a relationship. I just want it to be the right one.

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I don’t think what you’ve described is THAT hard to find in a woman. I know women aren’t particularly known for being objective, but I think most of my friends check most of the boxes you’ve described (apart from being short red heads). If you aren’t happy, don’t feel like this is the best you can do.

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while you are probably right, in my personal experience, its definitely not something that should be taken for granted, at all.

Is she into anal?

What’s her vag smell like?

Does she complain about giving blow jobs?

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Is she into anal?

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Haven't inquired. I'm not really all that into buttholes.

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What’s her vag smell like?

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Good.

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Does she complain about giving blow jobs?

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Not one bit.

I mean, the pup already had cancer, so not really necessary

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f being with a woman that is ride or die, has a nice rack, cooks for you, not crazy, pretty, and has a good head on her shoulders is wrong, then I don't want to be right

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All those things are great but a lot of people won’t settle for less than an actual emotional connection. “A ride or die” is essentially like having a groupie if you don’t reciprocate the feelings back.