- My Forums
- Tiger Rant
- LSU Recruiting
- SEC Rant
- Saints Talk
- Pelicans Talk
- More Sports Board
- Fantasy Sports
- Golf Board
- Soccer Board
- O-T Lounge
- Tech Board
- Home/Garden Board
- Outdoor Board
- Health/Fitness Board
- Movie/TV Board
- Book Board
- Music Board
- Political Talk
- Money Talk
- Fark Board
- Gaming Board
- Travel Board
- Food/Drink Board
- Ticket Exchange
- TD Help Board
Customize My Forums- View All Forums
- Show Left Links
- Topic Sort Options
- Trending Topics
- Recent Topics
- Active Topics
Started By
Message
re: 12 Year Old Girl with BPD
Posted on 4/29/24 at 3:09 pm to Boondock Saint
Posted on 4/29/24 at 3:09 pm to Boondock Saint
quote:
Tough situation, but I can tell you what won't work. Prayer.
Medication and serious therapy with mental health professionals is what she needs. I have a niece with bipolar disorder and it took a while to find the right mix of meds, but once they did she got much better.
Do some serious research on the best doctors and therapists in your area and spare no expense. She won't get better on her own and there is not much you can personally do.
That's not true.
People (including children) who suffer from mental illness have better outcomes when they're connected to the support system a church can offer.
Posted on 4/29/24 at 3:12 pm to Aubie Spr96
I have met many people who I saw as behaving irrationally. Not one of them saw themselves that way. They all had an internal logic system to rationalize their decisions. Learning their system is the only way to motivate someone whose system is vastly different from yours.
I was driven by fear as a child. I had an external motivation because I would be physically punished brutally for anything short of perfection. The constant (and very real and acted on) threat of physical violence kept me in line for a good while. It didn’t make me healthy, but it helped me hide my mistakes until I got to a point in life where that external fear was no longer looming over me and I couldn’t hide my deficiencies any longer. I couldn’t understand that most of my peers, as a kid, didn’t live with a figurative omnipresent sword of Damocles over their heads. Once I learned that they had something else entirely driving them, I started to understand other people better.
I have met people driven by revenge, guilt, shame, pleasure, challenge, attention, etc. You cannot understand how to motivate someone whose driving force is substantially different from yours until you truly learn their system. This is incredibly difficult to do.
I was driven by fear as a child. I had an external motivation because I would be physically punished brutally for anything short of perfection. The constant (and very real and acted on) threat of physical violence kept me in line for a good while. It didn’t make me healthy, but it helped me hide my mistakes until I got to a point in life where that external fear was no longer looming over me and I couldn’t hide my deficiencies any longer. I couldn’t understand that most of my peers, as a kid, didn’t live with a figurative omnipresent sword of Damocles over their heads. Once I learned that they had something else entirely driving them, I started to understand other people better.
I have met people driven by revenge, guilt, shame, pleasure, challenge, attention, etc. You cannot understand how to motivate someone whose driving force is substantially different from yours until you truly learn their system. This is incredibly difficult to do.
This post was edited on 4/29/24 at 3:24 pm
Posted on 4/29/24 at 3:15 pm to bad93ex
quote:
Yes, it’s a hellish nightmare that I wouldn’t wish on anybody but with that said make sure to take care of yourself first. If you’re not in a good place then you won’t be able to help your daughter.
2nd, get the book “Stop Walking on Eggshells” and read it multiple times. This book has an amazing amount of information and it is relevant. So many times while reading I would say out “OMG, that’s my DwBPD.”
3rd start looking for a therapist who specializes in DBT. The earlier the start the better the chance that your daughter can live a more normal life.
Listen to that part for sure.
Take care of the caregiver above all else. Otherwise you're at risk of abusing or neglecting her.
Posted on 4/29/24 at 3:19 pm to lsunutinno
quote:
It is extremely unlikely that your daughter and my son (now 19) will change much or at all at least until their 40s. The disorder(s) does tend to lessen significantly at middle age.
That is mortifying
Posted on 4/29/24 at 3:19 pm to Pandy Fackler
A positive church environment can help for some kids, especially ones suffering from a lack of social skills who really need a sense of belonging and community or for kids struggling with overwhelming feelings of guilt and/or shame.
For some kids, however, church will simply feel repressive and represent yet another “out of touch authority figure “ to rebel against.
Prayers alone fix nothing. Praying can help find the clarity to make wise choices, and church can provide the right mix of guidance, community, responsibilities, incentive structures, and forgiveness to help one improve their own situation. In fact, teaching the art of prayer to someone with bpd can be a huge benefit to them. It’s a great way to quiet the riot of intrusive thoughts and emotions and effectively meditate.
I find that church never works if it is forced upon the child. However, it can work wonders if they choose to participate themselves.
For some kids, however, church will simply feel repressive and represent yet another “out of touch authority figure “ to rebel against.
Prayers alone fix nothing. Praying can help find the clarity to make wise choices, and church can provide the right mix of guidance, community, responsibilities, incentive structures, and forgiveness to help one improve their own situation. In fact, teaching the art of prayer to someone with bpd can be a huge benefit to them. It’s a great way to quiet the riot of intrusive thoughts and emotions and effectively meditate.
I find that church never works if it is forced upon the child. However, it can work wonders if they choose to participate themselves.
This post was edited on 4/29/24 at 3:29 pm
Posted on 4/29/24 at 3:21 pm to Aubie Spr96
I'm with ya Aubie. If you don't live it, you just can't even imagine it. The stories that parents that have gone though it are just about unbelievable (maybe more so with ASPD males).
Posted on 4/29/24 at 3:23 pm to Leotiger725
quote:
She doesn't make friends because she is a pathological liar and general misfit. She starts new friendships but then they fizzle out because the other kid ends up not liking her very much.
She also is very unhygenic. I have to basically make her shower and brush her teeth/hair.
As far as hobbies goes, she doesn't do anything constructive. We have tried many times to get her to try different activities (soccer, piano, drama, volleyball) but it always ends prematurely or in disaster.
I am holding out hope, but the truth of the matter is right now she is basically evil. She can't be reasoned with. She will patronize you to avoid addressing anything substantial.
The fact of the matter is you cannot force someone to try and be a decent person if they are hellbent on doing the opposite. I never imagined things would get this bad. I cannot relate at all to her and her behavior, and neither can the rest of my family.
You're describing something here, that to state the obvious requires long term care/hospitalization.
Now it's been many years since I've delt with this part of it and I don't know if the guidelines have changed or not. But for most insurances, once acute care has failed a certain number of times, long term benefits kick in (assuming they're a part of your health plan).
Posted on 4/29/24 at 3:24 pm to Leotiger725
quote:
I caught her sneaking butcher knives into her room. When I confronted her about it she said she was going to attack my wife and her baby sister with them.
Your daughter needs to be in an inpatient facility yesterday. She has:
1. seriously accused her mom of abusing her and almost ended her career.
2. attempted suicide 4 times and continues to threaten it.
3. threatened to KILL her one-year-old sibling and you witnessed her taking butcher knives to her room which she said were for the purpose of hurting the baby and her mom.
Please protect her from herself and the younger sibling from her. I realize it's an unsavory thought, but people do actually kill one another, and it's often threatened (and ignored) in advance.
I will certainly pray for y'all. What an intense situation, and your precious daughter needs a lot of help.
Posted on 4/29/24 at 3:28 pm to Leotiger725
we had a very similar turn of events and ended up committing a family member to the state, and releasing guardianship. Extremely difficult decision but when they were classified as mentally ill and dangerous it's all we could do.
Posted on 4/29/24 at 3:29 pm to Leotiger725
I suggest drugs..lots of drugs... for yourself.
Posted on 4/29/24 at 3:37 pm to Carson123987
quote:
That is mortifying
It is. To be clear, there are a will continue to be a lot of new treatments that just aren't FDA approved (as others have mentioned ECT, psylocybin, etc.).
It's thought (there are many studies) that between 50% and 80% of incarcerated males are ASPD. We ALL have something to gain from some sort of treatment for it.
I would try anything and bring my son anywhere for treatment, but he refuses to participate. Hopefully for the OP, his daughter will somehow be open to help, whatever that might be...
Posted on 4/29/24 at 3:41 pm to Saskwatch
quote:
Hey Bert do you how the Dr’s connected the 23&Me results with functional medication? I have someone in my life that I care greatly about that struggles with BiPolar Disorder and Mania. Most times I just feel lost in how to help. This could be something that works for them as well and want to look into how to coordinate it all.
I don't know the details, hell I don't even know if 23 and me is the exact test she took but for some reason it rings a bell. What I do know is that based on that test they were able to determine what she was deficient in (chemically I guess) and matched her up with the meds that fixed that issue. Prior to the test, it was just trial and error where they would try a med for a few months and then if it didn't work, they would wean off it and then try a new med.
Posted on 4/29/24 at 3:44 pm to Carson123987
quote:
It is extremely unlikely that your daughter and my son (now 19) will change much or at all at least until their 40s. The disorder(s) does tend to lessen significantly at middle age. That is mortifying
I would have thought BPD lasted lifelong, so if it eases up quite a bit around 40, assuming maybe even 30s, that’s much better than lifelong.
I’m having a brain fart so I’m gonna stick with the word lifelong although I’m pretty sure there’s a better word for it
Posted on 4/29/24 at 3:45 pm to Big Scrub TX
quote:
ETA: University of Chicago looks like it's currently running a clinical trial with psilocybin and BPD. It might be worth it to try to get her into such a study.
I know it has awful effects on people with schizophrenia but works well with OCD and depression. Interesting how it will work with BPD.
Posted on 4/29/24 at 3:50 pm to Mushroom1968
You may be right. There are many similarities with the disorders, but maybe that isn't one of them.
My experience is with ASPD so that's what I've looked into the most. And supposedly, there seems to be pretty good evidence that ASPD traits lessen or fall off later in life. Although even with many of those folks, relationships continue to be difficult for them.
My experience is with ASPD so that's what I've looked into the most. And supposedly, there seems to be pretty good evidence that ASPD traits lessen or fall off later in life. Although even with many of those folks, relationships continue to be difficult for them.
This post was edited on 4/29/24 at 3:52 pm
Posted on 4/29/24 at 3:50 pm to Boondock Saint
quote:Prayer can be just what people need to do in order to deal with these issues. In the end, it probably won’t cure some illness. It will help the individual doing the praying. It’s a form of therapy and meditation all in one.
Tough situation, but I can tell you what won't work. Prayer.
This post was edited on 4/29/24 at 3:51 pm
Posted on 4/29/24 at 3:50 pm to Mushroom1968
quote:This is true-ish. I still think in a perfect world, highly-skilled practitioners can use the medicine to good effect. Especially in hard cases that are essentially hopeless to begin with.
I know it has awful effects on people with schizophrenia
quote:Also with bipolar. Since she's only 12, I doubt she'll be able to find a study, but maybe in another country?
but works well with OCD and depression. Interesting how it will work with BPD.
Posted on 4/29/24 at 3:52 pm to Leotiger725
Try NAMI https://www.nami.org/. They have some great classes and support groups.
Posted on 4/29/24 at 3:54 pm to Leotiger725
quote:If you have to commit her to a mental health facility, then do what you have to do. Do not feel bad about it if it’s for her safety or the safety of people in your family. It’s only a temporary solution, but if you’re out of options this might be the best course of action.
I have set up cameras. In fact I caught her sneaking butcher knives into her room. When I confronted her about it she said she was going to attack my wife and her baby sister with them.
This post was edited on 4/29/24 at 4:10 pm
Popular
Back to top
Follow TigerDroppings for LSU Football News