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1
Posted on 8/11/16 at 11:55 am to bengalbait
A pair of jumper cables walks into a bar. The bartender says I'll serve you just don't start anything.
Posted on 8/11/16 at 12:02 pm to bengalbait
What's the difference between a bowling ball and a black woman?
You would eat the bowling ball if you had to.
You would eat the bowling ball if you had to.
Posted on 8/11/16 at 12:12 pm to jimlsu1
Making this one up on the fly
A chicken, a cat, and a parrot walk into a bar.
The chicken looks at the bartender and says "I'll have a brewski". The bar tender nods. The cat also looks at the bartender and says "I'll have a brewski". The bar tender nods again.
The parrot pauses and then looks the bartender and says "I'll have a brewski".
At this, the bartender flails back in astonishment and exclaims "WOAH! Cool parrot! He just repeated EXACTLY what both of you said!"
A chicken, a cat, and a parrot walk into a bar.
The chicken looks at the bartender and says "I'll have a brewski". The bar tender nods. The cat also looks at the bartender and says "I'll have a brewski". The bar tender nods again.
The parrot pauses and then looks the bartender and says "I'll have a brewski".
At this, the bartender flails back in astonishment and exclaims "WOAH! Cool parrot! He just repeated EXACTLY what both of you said!"
Posted on 8/11/16 at 12:18 pm to theunknownknight
How do you get a nun pregnant?
YOU F#@K HER!!
YOU F#@K HER!!
Posted on 8/11/16 at 12:27 pm to jimlsu1
Making this one up on the fly as well
One of Santa's reindeer died and went to heaven. As he approached Heaven's Gate, Saint Peter stopped him and asked him where he was going.
"I'm going into heaven of course" replied the reindeer.
"No, Mr. reindeer, Prancer...can I call you Prancer? I'm sorry but you're not allowed into heaven." Answered Saint Peter.
"Well, I'm not Prancer so...and why can't I get into heaven??"
Peter, looking him the eye, responds, "because Jesus died for people, not Reindeer"
"Well, that doesn't seem fair"
"Well it wasn't fair for Jesus to have to die on the cross but He did it anyway so..." Peter stared at the Reindeer after delivering this logical knockout blow and watched as the Reindeer slowly and sadly began to walk away.
Peter curiously asked "where are you going now, Prancer?"
"I told you, I'm not Prancer and I don't know. I guess to hell."
"Cool." Replied Peter.
One of Santa's reindeer died and went to heaven. As he approached Heaven's Gate, Saint Peter stopped him and asked him where he was going.
"I'm going into heaven of course" replied the reindeer.
"No, Mr. reindeer, Prancer...can I call you Prancer? I'm sorry but you're not allowed into heaven." Answered Saint Peter.
"Well, I'm not Prancer so...and why can't I get into heaven??"
Peter, looking him the eye, responds, "because Jesus died for people, not Reindeer"
"Well, that doesn't seem fair"
"Well it wasn't fair for Jesus to have to die on the cross but He did it anyway so..." Peter stared at the Reindeer after delivering this logical knockout blow and watched as the Reindeer slowly and sadly began to walk away.
Peter curiously asked "where are you going now, Prancer?"
"I told you, I'm not Prancer and I don't know. I guess to hell."
"Cool." Replied Peter.
Posted on 8/11/16 at 1:00 pm to Backinthe615
quote:
Blind guy walks into a bar...
Bartender: "You can't bring dogs in here"
Blind Guy: "It's my seeing-eye dog"
Bartender: "You've got a Chihuahua for a seeing-eye dog?"
Blind Guy: "I've got a Chihuahua for a seeing-eye dog?"
literally have tears coming out of my eyes.
Posted on 8/11/16 at 1:09 pm to PhilipMarlowe
quote:
Blind guy walks into a bar...
Bartender: "You can't bring dogs in here"
Blind Guy: "It's my seeing-eye dog"
Bartender: "You've got a Chihuahua for a seeing-eye dog?"
Blind Guy: "I've got a Chihuahua for a seeing-eye dog?"
quote:
literally have tears coming out of my eyes.
Well...I showed the joke to my blind friend.....
...he didn't see the humor in it.. :rimshot:
Posted on 8/11/16 at 1:25 pm to Breadstick Gun
Why do chicken coops have 2 doors?
Because if they had 4 doors they'd be chicken sedans.
Because if they had 4 doors they'd be chicken sedans.
Posted on 8/11/16 at 1:47 pm to That's BS
What has 6 legs, 6 strings, 4 eyes, 2 wings, a trunk?
A chicken riding an elephant while playing guitar.
A chicken riding an elephant while playing guitar.
Posted on 8/11/16 at 1:49 pm to theunknownknight
.
This post was edited on 11/8/20 at 12:55 pm
Posted on 8/11/16 at 1:52 pm to KosmoCramer
quote:Bro
The little girl sits quitely for a while, before exclaiming:
It sure had a big dick!
That was a good one.
Posted on 8/11/16 at 1:56 pm to Breadstick Gun
Women's rights
Posted on 8/11/16 at 1:58 pm to Breadstick Gun
What is that?
It's a dickfer
What's a dickfer
To pee with silly.
It's a dickfer
What's a dickfer
To pee with silly.
Posted on 8/11/16 at 2:27 pm to t00f
A little Mexican boy was born with two dicks.
When it came time to name them, he thought awhile and decided to call one Jose
And call the other hose b.
When it came time to name them, he thought awhile and decided to call one Jose
And call the other hose b.
This post was edited on 8/11/16 at 2:42 pm
Posted on 8/11/16 at 2:29 pm to Backinthe615
quote:
Blind guy walks into a bar...
Bartender: "You can't bring dogs in here"
Blind Guy: "It's my seeing-eye dog"
Bartender: "You've got a Chihuahua for a seeing-eye dog?"
Blind Guy: "I've got a Chihuahua for a seeing-eye dog?"
Posted on 8/11/16 at 2:43 pm to ReauxlTide222
Why did Bill Clinton cross the road?
His d+ck was stuck in the chicken.
His d+ck was stuck in the chicken.
Posted on 8/11/16 at 2:44 pm to ReauxlTide222
Anyone familiar with the military knows how we love our "Dead Baby" jokes....
What's blue, shiny and lying in the corner?
A baby playing with a plastic bag
What's green, shiny and lying in a corner?
The same baby a month later
What's blue, shiny and lying in the corner?
A baby playing with a plastic bag
What's green, shiny and lying in a corner?
The same baby a month later
Posted on 8/11/16 at 2:49 pm to Breadstick Gun
What letter comes after X in the alphabet?
Y
Because I want to know...
Y
Because I want to know...
Posted on 8/11/16 at 2:54 pm to theunknownknight
quote:
One of Santa's reindeer died and went to heaven. As he approached Heaven's Gate, Saint Peter stopped him and asked him where he was going.
"I'm going into heaven of course" replied the reindeer.
"No, Mr. reindeer, Prancer...can I call you Prancer? I'm sorry but you're not allowed into heaven." Answered Saint Peter.
"Well, I'm not Prancer so...and why can't I get into heaven??"
Peter, looking him the eye, responds, "because Jesus died for people, not Reindeer"
"Well, that doesn't seem fair"
"Well it wasn't fair for Jesus to have to die on the cross but He did it anyway so..." Peter stared at the Reindeer after delivering this logical knockout blow and watched as the Reindeer slowly and sadly began to walk away.
Peter curiously asked "where are you going now, Prancer?"
"I told you, I'm not Prancer and I don't know. I guess to hell."
"Cool." Replied Peter.
j/k, that was literally the stupidest thing i've read in a week.
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