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re: Tell us your best bad joke
Posted on 8/11/16 at 7:37 am to Breadstick Gun
Posted on 8/11/16 at 7:37 am to Breadstick Gun
Blind Walmarts Employee.
Guy walks in and asks the blind Walmart stocker how much a fishing reel is.
Blind Guy - Sir I can't see but if you drop it on the floor I know what all of our products sound like.
Guy drops it and Blind Guy states - that's the ambassador 5500 c and it's 75$.
Guy bends over to pick up reel and farts, then heads to check out.
Blind Guy - That'll be $105
Guy - but you said the reel was $75
Blind Guy - Yeah but you also have that duck call for $25 and that stink bait for $5
I'll be here all day
Guy walks in and asks the blind Walmart stocker how much a fishing reel is.
Blind Guy - Sir I can't see but if you drop it on the floor I know what all of our products sound like.
Guy drops it and Blind Guy states - that's the ambassador 5500 c and it's 75$.
Guy bends over to pick up reel and farts, then heads to check out.
Blind Guy - That'll be $105
Guy - but you said the reel was $75
Blind Guy - Yeah but you also have that duck call for $25 and that stink bait for $5
I'll be here all day
2
Posted on 8/11/16 at 7:41 am to Breesus
quote:
Do you know the difference between jelly and jam
I can't jelly my fingers in your old lady's butthole.
Posted on 8/11/16 at 7:41 am to The Torch
What kind of bug can jump higher than a house?
all of 'em - houses can't jump.
all of 'em - houses can't jump.
Posted on 8/11/16 at 7:42 am to Breadstick Gun
What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an unwilling agnostic, and a dyslexic?
Someone who stays up all night torturing himself over the question of whether or not there's a dog.
Someone who stays up all night torturing himself over the question of whether or not there's a dog.
Posted on 8/11/16 at 7:43 am to Breadstick Gun
Renfield asked Dracula "How did you sleep today, master?"
Dracula replied, "Terrible! Someone plugged my electric blanket into the toaster by mistake and I kept popping out of my coffin all day!"
Dracula replied, "Terrible! Someone plugged my electric blanket into the toaster by mistake and I kept popping out of my coffin all day!"
Posted on 8/11/16 at 7:43 am to Breadstick Gun
A guy in a raincoat walks up to three old ladies sitting on a park bench.
He opens his raincoat, flashes the first old lady, and she has a stroke.
He flashes the second old lady and she has a stroke, too.
He flashes the third old lady and she says, “I’m not touching that thing”.
He opens his raincoat, flashes the first old lady, and she has a stroke.
He flashes the second old lady and she has a stroke, too.
He flashes the third old lady and she says, “I’m not touching that thing”.
Posted on 8/11/16 at 7:44 am to The Torch
A little kid asks his dad for $5
Dad: Does your dick touch your a-hole?
Little Boy: No
Dad: Come back when it does
Few years later, the boy asks his dad for a new bike
Dad: Does your dick touch your a-hole?
Little Boy: No
Dad: Come back when it does
A few years later, the son asks to borrow his dads car
Dad: Does your dick touch your a-hole?
Little Boy: Yes! It finally does
Dad: Well then go frick yourself
Dad: Does your dick touch your a-hole?
Little Boy: No
Dad: Come back when it does
Few years later, the boy asks his dad for a new bike
Dad: Does your dick touch your a-hole?
Little Boy: No
Dad: Come back when it does
A few years later, the son asks to borrow his dads car
Dad: Does your dick touch your a-hole?
Little Boy: Yes! It finally does
Dad: Well then go frick yourself
Posted on 8/11/16 at 7:44 am to Breadstick Gun
Haha funny
Posted on 8/11/16 at 7:45 am to Breadstick Gun
Guy stops by a local bar after work to get a beer. He sits down and there is only one other guy at the bar.
He orders a beer from the bartender and after a minute or two the guy next to him waves his hand at the bartender and says "hey jackass, I'll have another beer."
First guy thinks to himself "what an a-hole" but says nothing. About 10 more minutes pass and the other guy gets the bartenders attention with a wave of the hand and says " hey jackass, I think I'll have one more."
It was all the first guy could stand as he was really put out by the blatant rudeness from the other customer. He looks over at the guy and says "hey buddy, I don't know where you are from but where I am from we frown on that type of rude behavior. I think you owe that man an apology."
Bartender sees what is happening and intervenes and says " oh...don't worry sir.....it's quite alright. Hee Haw, Hee Haw, Hee always calls me that."
Dumbest joke ever but my kids love it. I just substitute coke for beer.
He orders a beer from the bartender and after a minute or two the guy next to him waves his hand at the bartender and says "hey jackass, I'll have another beer."
First guy thinks to himself "what an a-hole" but says nothing. About 10 more minutes pass and the other guy gets the bartenders attention with a wave of the hand and says " hey jackass, I think I'll have one more."
It was all the first guy could stand as he was really put out by the blatant rudeness from the other customer. He looks over at the guy and says "hey buddy, I don't know where you are from but where I am from we frown on that type of rude behavior. I think you owe that man an apology."
Bartender sees what is happening and intervenes and says " oh...don't worry sir.....it's quite alright. Hee Haw, Hee Haw, Hee always calls me that."
Dumbest joke ever but my kids love it. I just substitute coke for beer.
Posted on 8/11/16 at 7:48 am to Breadstick Gun
Two Jewish guys, Abe and Moshe, are walking down the street and pass a Catholic church with a sign that says, ‘Conversions for $100’.
Moshe says, “Abe, why don’t you go in, say you are converted, get the $100, and then we treat ourselves to a nice meal?” Abe says, “That’s a great idea!” and goes into the church.
After a while, Abe comes back out and Moshe says, ‘Let’s see the money!” and Abe says, “Is that all you people ever think about?”
Moshe says, “Abe, why don’t you go in, say you are converted, get the $100, and then we treat ourselves to a nice meal?” Abe says, “That’s a great idea!” and goes into the church.
After a while, Abe comes back out and Moshe says, ‘Let’s see the money!” and Abe says, “Is that all you people ever think about?”
Posted on 8/11/16 at 7:49 am to Dick Leverage
A paraplegic walks into a bar and the barkeep says "Hey! You can't just stroll in here like you own the place!"
And the paraplegic goes "frick, you're right."
*falls down*
And the paraplegic goes "frick, you're right."
*falls down*
Posted on 8/11/16 at 7:54 am to Breadstick Gun
Old country dude comes home from work one day and his wife greets him wearing a pair of crotchless panties.
She points down at her crotch and says, "Honey, you want some of this?"
He says, "Hell NO! Look what it done did to your drawers!"
She points down at her crotch and says, "Honey, you want some of this?"
He says, "Hell NO! Look what it done did to your drawers!"
Posted on 8/11/16 at 8:01 am to Breadstick Gun
How do you know when an Asian has broken into your home?
The computer is running better than ever before, all your homework is done, and 2 hours later they are still trying to back out of your driveway
The computer is running better than ever before, all your homework is done, and 2 hours later they are still trying to back out of your driveway
Posted on 8/11/16 at 8:06 am to Topwater Trout
quote:
What did the deaf, dumb, and blind kid get for Christmas?
Cancer
I hate myself for how hard I laughed at this.
Posted on 8/11/16 at 8:07 am to Breadstick Gun
A dyslectic man walks into a bra.
Posted on 8/11/16 at 8:17 am to Breadstick Gun
What's the difference between an earth rock and a space rock?
A space rock is meatier
A space rock is meatier
This post was edited on 8/11/16 at 8:18 am
Posted on 8/11/16 at 8:21 am to Breadstick Gun
A Roman Centurion walks into a bar with some friends. He tells the bartender, "a round of beer for me and my friends here". The bartender asks him how many beers. The Centurion holds up two fingers and says, "five".
ETA...a Roman walks into a bar and says, "I'll have a Martinus". The bartender says, "you mean a Martini"? The Roman says, "If I wanted more than one, I would have said so".
ETA...a Roman walks into a bar and says, "I'll have a Martinus". The bartender says, "you mean a Martini"? The Roman says, "If I wanted more than one, I would have said so".
This post was edited on 8/11/16 at 8:24 am
Posted on 8/11/16 at 8:22 am to Tounces
Why do they put fences around graveyards?
Everyone is dying to get in.
Everyone is dying to get in.
Posted on 8/11/16 at 8:22 am to Dave lsu 89
Wow Not only did you use the worst punctuation ever and ruin your joke, but you also used a joke already written on this page.
DOWNVOTE
DOWNVOTE
This post was edited on 8/11/16 at 8:52 am
Posted on 8/11/16 at 8:25 am to madmaxvol
A Roman centurion walks into a bar and orders a Martinus.
The barkeep says "do you mean a Martini?"
To which he replies "if I wanted a double i'd have bloody well asked for it you bastard!"
The barkeep says "do you mean a Martini?"
To which he replies "if I wanted a double i'd have bloody well asked for it you bastard!"
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