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re: Tell us your best bad joke
Posted on 8/11/16 at 8:35 am to Breadstick Gun
Posted on 8/11/16 at 8:35 am to Breadstick Gun
A gay guy and a straight guy are sitting next to each other at a bar. The gay man asks the straight man if he wants to play a drinking game. The straight guy says, "sure, what do you have in mind? "
The gay guy says, "I call it football!" The straight man then asks, "how do you play it?"
Gay guy: Well, you take a shot and say TOUCHDOWN! Then you pull your pants down and fart and say FIELD GOAL!
Being a little thrown back the straight man says, "I don't know, doesn't sound very fun."
Gay guy: Look, I'll go first so you can see how it goes. It can get really fun!
The guy man then proceeds to take a shot and shouts TOUCHDOWN! Then yanks his pants down and farts and yells FIELD GOAL!
Gay guy: Now it's your turn, come on!
A little reluctant the straight guy finally agrees. He grabs his shot glass and shoots it down and says, touchdown. Then stands up and pulls his pants down and yells, HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
The gay guy says, I'm blocking your field goal!
;)
The gay guy says, "I call it football!" The straight man then asks, "how do you play it?"
Gay guy: Well, you take a shot and say TOUCHDOWN! Then you pull your pants down and fart and say FIELD GOAL!
Being a little thrown back the straight man says, "I don't know, doesn't sound very fun."
Gay guy: Look, I'll go first so you can see how it goes. It can get really fun!
The guy man then proceeds to take a shot and shouts TOUCHDOWN! Then yanks his pants down and farts and yells FIELD GOAL!
Gay guy: Now it's your turn, come on!
A little reluctant the straight guy finally agrees. He grabs his shot glass and shoots it down and says, touchdown. Then stands up and pulls his pants down and yells, HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
The gay guy says, I'm blocking your field goal!
;)
0
Posted on 8/11/16 at 8:38 am to Breadstick Gun
Why are there no casinos in Africa?
Too many cheetahs!
Too many cheetahs!
Posted on 8/11/16 at 8:40 am to Ash Williams
quote:
Why are there no casinos in Africa?
They renege on all the bets.
Posted on 8/11/16 at 8:42 am to Breadstick Gun
Have you ever seen Stevie Wonder's wife?
Neither has he.
Neither has he.
Posted on 8/11/16 at 8:42 am to Breadstick Gun
What's the difference between a penis and a bonus?
Your wife will always blow your bonus.
Your wife will always blow your bonus.
Posted on 8/11/16 at 8:43 am to Breadstick Gun
Had a dream about tail pipes last night.
Woke up exhausted.
Woke up exhausted.
Posted on 8/11/16 at 8:53 am to Breadstick Gun
3 little kids are bragging about how much their dads can eat.
Kid 1: my dad can eat so much that he can eat a whole horse!
Kid 2: my dad can eat so much that he can eat 2 horses and still be hungry.
Kid 3: my dad can eat so much that he can eat a whole lamp!
Kids 1 and 2: a lamp? (Confused)
Kid3: that's right. An entire lamp! Last night I heard him tell my mom 'honey, turn off that lamp, I'm about to eat that thing'
Kid 1: my dad can eat so much that he can eat a whole horse!
Kid 2: my dad can eat so much that he can eat 2 horses and still be hungry.
Kid 3: my dad can eat so much that he can eat a whole lamp!
Kids 1 and 2: a lamp? (Confused)
Kid3: that's right. An entire lamp! Last night I heard him tell my mom 'honey, turn off that lamp, I'm about to eat that thing'
Posted on 8/11/16 at 9:11 am to Breadstick Gun
One morning at Sunday School, the teacher asked the class where God lives.
Little Johnny raised his hand, "I know, I know!"
Teacher says, "Okay, Johnny, where does God live?"
Johnny answered, "He lives in our bathroom."
Puzzled the Sunday School teacher asks, "Johnny, why do you think God lives in your bathroom?"
Johnny said, "Because every morning my dad beats on the bathroom door and yells, 'My god, are you still in there?!'"
Little Johnny raised his hand, "I know, I know!"
Teacher says, "Okay, Johnny, where does God live?"
Johnny answered, "He lives in our bathroom."
Puzzled the Sunday School teacher asks, "Johnny, why do you think God lives in your bathroom?"
Johnny said, "Because every morning my dad beats on the bathroom door and yells, 'My god, are you still in there?!'"
Posted on 8/11/16 at 9:30 am to Breadstick Gun
Hitler: My dog has no nose!
Hitler youth: How does he smell?
Hitler: Awful!!
Hitler youth: How does he smell?
Hitler: Awful!!
Posted on 8/11/16 at 9:31 am to Breadstick Gun
In class one day, all the young children were talking about the different medications taken at home. One boy said he's used pepto-bismal for diarrhea. Johnny bad arse said no way, Viagra was used for diarrhea. The teacher asked how did he know this? Johnny said just last night his mom gave him a big blue pill, Johnny ask "mom what's this?" Mom replied, "that's Viagra, go give it to your dad so his shite can get hard".
Posted on 8/11/16 at 9:56 am to Breadstick Gun
A skeleton walks into a bar.
The bartender asks, "What can I get ya'?"
The skeleton says, "Give me a beer......and a mop."
The bartender asks, "What can I get ya'?"
The skeleton says, "Give me a beer......and a mop."
Posted on 8/11/16 at 10:04 am to foshizzle
quote:
3. Einstein, Newton and Pascal are playing hide and seek. Einstein starts counting down to zero. Pascal hides while Newton calmly draws a square one meter to a side on the floor and stands on it. Einstein reaches zero, opens his eyes, and yells "I found Newton!" Newton responded "No, you found Pascal!" (to you non-physicists, a Pascal is defined as one Newton of force per square meter)
Its never a good sign when you have to explain your joke.
Posted on 8/11/16 at 10:29 am to Breadstick Gun
I was fricking this chick in a wheelchair right?... Things started to get kinky so I said "Whoa baby pump the brakes!"
I was fricking the clown in the arse right?... I said "what the hell are you smiling for?"
I was fricking the clown in the arse right?... I said "what the hell are you smiling for?"
Posted on 8/11/16 at 10:36 am to SaturdayTraditions
Last night I accidentally spilt a bottle of spot remover on my dog.
This morning I went to feed him, but I couldn’t find him anywhere.
This morning I went to feed him, but I couldn’t find him anywhere.
Posted on 8/11/16 at 10:37 am to Breadstick Gun
Ya'll hear about the circus fire?
It was in-tents
It was in-tents
Posted on 8/11/16 at 10:42 am to tigerbutt
A dyslexic man walks into a bra...
Posted on 8/11/16 at 10:54 am to Dave lsu 89
quote:
Micey n Minny. Go to judge, mikey, I can't. Keep living knowing she's. Ccrazy, .judege: SHE'S NOT. CRAZY SHES frickING GOOFY
This reminded me so much of a Dolan and Gooby meme that it made me
Posted on 8/11/16 at 11:17 am to LuckyInKentucky
I made this one up just for this thread:
Aliens wanted to study the collective knowledge of humanity so they stuck a bunch of human fathers and mothers in a vaccuum.
To their amazement every one of the humans became all-knowing just before suffocating. Confused, the Alien scientists consulted their alien elder.
"So, let me guess, you put a bunch of human fathers and mothers in a vaccuum and they became omniscient right before suffocating?" Asked the elder.
"Yes. How did you know?" they asked.
"Simple, everything's apparent".
Aliens wanted to study the collective knowledge of humanity so they stuck a bunch of human fathers and mothers in a vaccuum.
To their amazement every one of the humans became all-knowing just before suffocating. Confused, the Alien scientists consulted their alien elder.
"So, let me guess, you put a bunch of human fathers and mothers in a vaccuum and they became omniscient right before suffocating?" Asked the elder.
"Yes. How did you know?" they asked.
"Simple, everything's apparent".
This post was edited on 8/11/16 at 11:19 am
Posted on 8/11/16 at 11:46 am to Breadstick Gun
Robot walks into a bar, orders a drink, lays down a bill.
Bartender says 'hey, we don't serve robots' and the robot says
'Yea but, someday you will'
Bartender says 'hey, we don't serve robots' and the robot says
'Yea but, someday you will'
Posted on 8/11/16 at 11:48 am to theunknownknight
Boy wants the car from his dad, dad says 'first you gotta cut that hair'
Boy says 'hey dad, Jesus had long hair' and dad says
'That's right son, Jesus walked everywhere'
Boy says 'hey dad, Jesus had long hair' and dad says
'That's right son, Jesus walked everywhere'
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