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VolsOut4Harambe
Atlanta Braves Fan
Atlanta, GA
Member since Sep 2017
11749 posts

New hire in our group is incredibly weird and socially awkward. Help me not get fired baws

One of the senior managers filled an entry level role on his group with a recent grad. He’s nailed most of his recent new hires, but not this one.

Dude’s first day is today. He comes in decked out in a suit (can’t really fault him for that, since it’s obviously his first job). Shakes my hand, it’s like a dead fish, and no eye contact to boot. I know that’s something trivial, but a handshake is really key to a good first impression.

As my colleague and I walked him around our floor, it’s clear that the kid is…. different. He brings up at least 3 times unsolicited how he prefers to bring his lunch since cafeterias are overpriced. Pass the break room ping pong table and he goes off about how he could kick any of our asses anytime, and brings it back up again after we change the subject. Mentions a couple of times how he might try taking the stairs since he’s afraid of elevators (we’re on the 19th floor, so good luck with that).

He takes the better part of an hour to attempt to set up his desk equipment. It’s a normal docking station - super intuitive, just plug shite in and go. The kid interrupts me while I’m in the middle of a conference call to ask me why his mouse isn’t working. I nicely put myself on mute and defer him to a colleague. He’s also muttering to himself as he’s trying to figure it out. All of us are snickering to each other, and laughing at me and my colleague since the aforementioned senior manager has appointed us as his “onboarding buddies.”

I feel like Cartman in that South Park episode where Kyle’s Jewish cousin from NYC comes to live with his family. Just itching to make jokes.

I get that it’s the kid’s first job, but this is clearly going to be quite a process getting him trained up and dealing with his…uniqueness. What should I do? Ignore him, take a shite on his desk, PIIHB, update my resume?


LSUBogeyMan
LSU Fan
Member since Oct 2021
910 posts

You sound pathetic.


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2319
Midget Death Squad
Notre Dame Fan
Meme Magic
Member since Oct 2008
21497 posts

tell us more of how you're an insufferable pussy


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1582
GreatLakesTiger24
Member since May 2012
49189 posts

you think you're don draper but you sound like season 1 peter campbell


fr33manator
LSU Fan
Baton Rouge
Member since Oct 2010
115040 posts

quote:

I feel like Cartman in that South Park episode where Kyle’s Jewish cousin from NYC comes to live with his family. Just itching to make jokes.







Give him a week or so to get a true read on him.

Try to help him acclimate. If he is rude or arrogant about it…well, the OT will still be here
This post was edited on 8/2 at 10:08 am


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431
Mingo Was His NameO
LSU Fan
Brooklyn
Member since Mar 2016
25455 posts

quote:

What should I do?


Stop being a retard so you have real responsibility, not sherpaing around new hires that will be your boss in 2 years.


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712
JetsetNuggs
LSU Fan
Member since Jun 2014
11580 posts
 Online 

Maybe the dude is super nervous and you're being a chode


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1080
MrJimBeam
New Orleans Saints Fan
Member since Apr 2009
8113 posts

Sorry that you aren't able to adapt well to helping people not only different than you, but new to the working world. Just be patient with the kid and help guide him.


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480
CocomoLSU
Penn State Fan
Inside your dome.
Member since Feb 2004
144851 posts

Maybe he's an awkward person. Maybe y'all are a-holes.

Maybe a little bit of both.


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610
IAmNERD
Auburn Fan
Member since May 2017
15501 posts

quote:

“onboarding buddies.”

Why can't people in corporate office settings talk normally instead all the stupid office jargon?


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Salmon
USA Fan
On the trails
Member since Feb 2008
81776 posts

the entire post wreaks of trying too hard


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402
jamboybarry
LSU Fan
Member since Feb 2011
31030 posts

Maybe mentor the fricking kid and don’t snicker behind his back little a little bitch?


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650
soccerfüt
Location: A Series of Tubes
Member since May 2013
57039 posts

I was picturing this as you described the poor sod.




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151
OysterPoBoy
USA Fan
City of St. George
Member since Jul 2013
29016 posts

Don't be a bully baw.


mmonro3
LSU Fan
New Orleans
Member since Apr 2013
3501 posts

He will be your boss in a couple years.


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320
Jcorye1
Detroit Mercy Fan
Tom Brady = GoAT
Member since Dec 2007
65935 posts

Be a fricking mentor. It is his first job, and he doesn't know his arse from a hole in the ground. Take him out for some coffee and subtlety talk about workplace demeanor.


Midget Death Squad
Notre Dame Fan
Meme Magic
Member since Oct 2008
21497 posts

quote:

“onboarding buddies.”

Why can't people in corporate office settings talk normally instead all the stupid office jargon?




Because the management textbook in college told them this is how to talk in the corporate office to effectively sound pretentious and douchey. VO4H embraced the lessons and ran with it, thus the content of his OP


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170
MorbidTheClown
LSU Fan
Baton Rouge
Member since Jan 2015
55191 posts

quote:

he could kick any of our asses anytime,


is there a sonic nearby?


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50
TheSadvocate
Baton Rouge
Member since Aug 2020
2046 posts

quote:

New hire in our group is incredibly weird




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131
loopback
LSU Fan
Member since Jul 2011
4606 posts

quote:

He’s nailed most of his recent new hires, but not this one.


Sounds like sexual harassment to me


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