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Posted by
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Marriage over or salvageable?
Posted by DeSantis_2024 on 11/27/22 at 3:57 pm
15
341Been married almost 10 years, have three young kids and that's definitely taken a huge toll on us. It feels more like we're co-parents now instead of spouses. Sex has gone from 2-3 times/week when we first got married to maybe once a week now. We went on an anniversary trip recently, and even when away from the kids for a bit finally, it didn't feel like the "good ole days" earlier in our marriage before kids.
I'm not happy with where our marriage stands but divorce seems like an even worse option between the huge financial hit it would impose on me and the damage it would do to the kids. Thoughts? Those of you that found your marriage in a similar rut, were you able to salvage your marriage and if so how?
I'm not happy with where our marriage stands but divorce seems like an even worse option between the huge financial hit it would impose on me and the damage it would do to the kids. Thoughts? Those of you that found your marriage in a similar rut, were you able to salvage your marriage and if so how?
This post was edited on 11/27 at 3:58 pm
re: Marriage over or salvageable?Posted by TDFreak 
on 11/27/22 at 3:58 pm to DeSantis_2024
on 11/27/22 at 3:58 pm to DeSantis_2024Inb4 “you’ve come to the right place”
re: Marriage over or salvageable?Posted by wileyjones 
on 11/27/22 at 3:58 pm to DeSantis_2024
on 11/27/22 at 3:58 pm to DeSantis_2024Sounds like life to me, ain’t no travesty…
re: Marriage over or salvageable?Posted by elsu 
on 11/27/22 at 3:58 pm to DeSantis_2024
on 11/27/22 at 3:58 pm to DeSantis_2024Stick it out. Kids make it hard, but it will get better.
re: Marriage over or salvageable?Posted by xraytiger 
on 11/27/22 at 3:58 pm to DeSantis_2024
on 11/27/22 at 3:58 pm to DeSantis_2024If there’s still love from each other, it is salvageable.
re: Marriage over or salvageable?Posted by Yellerhammer5 
on 11/27/22 at 3:59 pm to DeSantis_2024
on 11/27/22 at 3:59 pm to DeSantis_2024Stay together for the kids, Ron. And for heavens sakes, please announce your candidacy already.
re: Marriage over or salvageable?Posted by TexasTiger1984 on 11/27/22 at 3:59 pm to DeSantis_2024
on 11/27/22 at 3:59 pm to DeSantis_2024Divorce? shite that’s normal for someone married ten years with three young kids. Y’all gotta work through it, work on communicating more effectively and taking time for yourselves - without distractions, such as your phone, when you finally get time alone. Find those common interests again that don’t only involve the kids
re: Marriage over or salvageable?Posted by Pechon 
on 11/27/22 at 4:00 pm to DeSantis_2024
on 11/27/22 at 4:00 pm to DeSantis_2024quote:
maybe once a week now.
I would have been happy with that near the end of my marriage.
Once a week isn't the end of the world.
quote:
Divorce? shite that’s normal for someone married ten years with three young kids.
I'd have to agree, it can get much worse. I think you're going to be OK, OP.
This post was edited on 11/27 at 4:02 pm
re: Marriage over or salvageable?Posted by lsunurse on 11/27/22 at 4:00 pm to DeSantis_2024
on 11/27/22 at 4:00 pm to DeSantis_2024As long as no cheating has gone on…can still be salvageable
Once someone has cheated….time to bail. Once a lowlife piece of shite cheater always a lowlife piece of shite cheater and you will never trust them fully again.
Once someone has cheated….time to bail. Once a lowlife piece of shite cheater always a lowlife piece of shite cheater and you will never trust them fully again.
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re: Marriage over or salvageable?Posted by LSUBogeyMan on 11/27/22 at 4:01 pm to DeSantis_2024
on 11/27/22 at 4:01 pm to DeSantis_2024quote:
to maybe once a week now
This would be nice. You sound selfish.
re: Marriage over or salvageable?Posted by dyslexiateechur on 11/27/22 at 4:02 pm to DeSantis_2024
on 11/27/22 at 4:02 pm to DeSantis_2024Seriously, marriage has its ebbs and flows. Plenty of people hit that wall when they have young children. Keep trying to reach out to her and use what little time you have to your advantage.
re: Marriage over or salvageable?Posted by fallguy_1978 on 11/27/22 at 4:02 pm to DeSantis_2024
on 11/27/22 at 4:02 pm to DeSantis_2024quote:
Sex has gone from 2-3 times/week when we first got married to maybe once a week now.
You are probably in the top 10% here for 10 years in
re: Marriage over or salvageable?Posted by SelaTiger on 11/27/22 at 4:02 pm to DeSantis_2024
on 11/27/22 at 4:02 pm to DeSantis_2024Maybe she’s a maga girl. Nothing you can do in that case except for jump on the Trump train.
re: Marriage over or salvageable?Posted by Alyosha on 11/27/22 at 4:03 pm to DeSantis_2024
on 11/27/22 at 4:03 pm to DeSantis_2024You sound weak.
Man up and stop sounding that it’s all about what you get out of it, you selfish child.
Man up and stop sounding that it’s all about what you get out of it, you selfish child.
re: Marriage over or salvageable?Posted by soccerfüt on 11/27/22 at 4:03 pm to DeSantis_2024
on 11/27/22 at 4:03 pm to DeSantis_2024Nut up brah.
The best things in life are tough.
Anyone can quit, that’s easy.
The best things in life are tough.
Anyone can quit, that’s easy.
re: Marriage over or salvageable?Posted by DeSantis_2024 on 11/27/22 at 4:03 pm to TexasTiger1984
quote:
Divorce? shite that’s normal for someone married ten years with three young kids. Y’all gotta work through it, work on communicating more effectively and taking time for yourselves - without distractions, such as your phone, when you finally get time alone. Find those common interests again that don’t only involve the kids
We do try to make "us time", but the conversation just doesn't flow as well as our younger years when we were still in the "lovey dovey" phase. I think she was a much more easy going person before kids and the social isolation from the lockdowns, but now that's changed and I'm not sure if it can get back to the way it was.
re: Marriage over or salvageable?Posted by L1C4 
on 11/27/22 at 4:04 pm to DeSantis_2024
on 11/27/22 at 4:04 pm to DeSantis_2024Kids can be a huge stress on a marriage.
If you can, find some time with just each other.
Like a date night one day a week.
If you can, find some time with just each other.
Like a date night one day a week.
re: Marriage over or salvageable?Posted by Richard Grayson on 11/27/22 at 4:04 pm to DeSantis_2024
on 11/27/22 at 4:04 pm to DeSantis_2024quote:
Sex has gone from 2-3 times/week when we first got married to maybe once a week now.
Are you still in as good a shape? Do you still put forth the same amount of effort? Do you still try and romance her like you did?
If there answer to any of those is no then do better.
quote:
We went on an anniversary trip recently, and even when away from the kids for a bit finally, it didn't feel like the "good ole days" earlier in our marriage before kids.
Marriage takes effort. Take a deep introspective look at how much effort you truly put into your marriage. How often do you do little things just so your wife will smile? How often do you sacrifice your own happiness or your own few minutes in a day just so your wife can have a few minutes to herself?
How often is the inverse of these things true?
How often do you do something for your wife and expect nothing in return?
Look deeper and honestly ask yourself How often do you “keep score” or intentionally but silently refuse to make her happy because she hasn’t done something for you that you never even communicated?
Selfishness is cancer to a relationship.
But also you cannot do it all yourself. If your wife has quit trying try open communication with her. Make some time to just talk about your relationship and make sure you are both on the same page.
Do not force the communication or interrogate your wife. Simply let her talk. How often do you truly listen instead of waiting on your turn to speak or trying to solve her problems?
quote:
divorce seems like an even worse option between the huge financial hit it would impose on me and the damage it would do to the kids. Thoughts?
Absent infidelity or some major breach of trust divorce is almost never the correct option. Divorce is far easier than maintaining yourself and your relationship.
Relationships are always reparable of both people put forth the effort. Relationships like people must grow and change. You must grow and change with them. You cannot stop time and you cannot stop change. You either make the effort to grow together or you grow apart but you never stop growing.
Good luck. Elevate your wife above yourself and lead by example. You cannot expect someone else to do what you won’t do yourself.
This post was edited on 11/27 at 4:30 pm
re: Marriage over or salvageable?Posted by Donhogg1 on 11/27/22 at 4:05 pm to dyslexiateechur
on 11/27/22 at 4:05 pm to dyslexiateechurIt is normal for the wife to ignore the husband when children come. It shouldn't be this way but it happens. Stick it out I've been married for 20 years!!!
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