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re: Marriage over or salvageable?
Posted on 11/27/22 at 5:11 pm to StringedInstruments
Posted on 11/27/22 at 5:11 pm to StringedInstruments
quote:
Just go here and read the sidebar. You’ll probably end up there anyway at some point, so might as well get it over with.
The day I get advice from Reddit about being more of a man is also the day I lop it off and put on a sweater dress
1
Posted on 11/27/22 at 5:14 pm to fallguy_1978
quote:
The day I get advice from Reddit about being more of a man is also the day I lop it off and put on a sweater dress
Understandable but that particular sub is far from the average Reddit user. There’s some retard info of course but lots of good resources for guys like OP.
Posted on 11/27/22 at 5:15 pm to DeSantis_2024
Dude, that's normal. Especially with 3 kids.
Try putting some effort into taking her out more often. You can reconnect.
If that doesn't work, then get a mistress. Note this only works for people incapable of feeling more than fleeting guilt.
Try putting some effort into taking her out more often. You can reconnect.
If that doesn't work, then get a mistress. Note this only works for people incapable of feeling more than fleeting guilt.
This post was edited on 11/27/22 at 5:18 pm
Posted on 11/27/22 at 5:16 pm to DeSantis_2024
quote:
Maybe this is me being a p***y, but I've always thought marriage counseling is for those who can't just talk it out on their own and/or for marriages that are already toast.
Dude, you need a neutral party between you two. The therapist is there to stop both of you from engaging in behavior that is not conducive to fixing the problem. And, if you have a good one, they'll tell you if you're not making progress and if it's time to start considering whether you both want to be in the relationship at all.
You leading with sex, combined with the above quoted comment make me suspect that you need intimacy from her. Dudes often don't know how to do this except through sex, but wife is just going to hear, "I want MOAR SEX!" The therapist can translate what you may not realize you need (even if it's not intimacy) into something she understands. If the therapist is sitting in the room with you two, and says something like, "what he's saying is that he'd like to feel more emotionally connected to you, instead of just being a paycheck, but he doesn't know how to express it," that will resonate strongly with most women.
Talking it out on your own doesn't seem to be working, so you have choices: Have a heart attack and die early by continuing on as is, get a divorce, therapist.
And to the commenter about people with multiple kids not having time for each other is dead, dead wrong. First, who signed your daughter up for six dance classes a week, in two different areas of town? Who signed your son up for two different Lacrosse leagues in the same season? Who agreed on travel softball?
The parents did.
We all make time to cut the lawn, watch sports, she plays tennis and goes to boozy brunches, etc. Lack of time is a cop out unless one of you engages in extensive travel.
Posted on 11/27/22 at 5:18 pm to DeSantis_2024
quote:
Maybe this is me being a p***y, but I've always thought marriage counseling is for those who can't just talk it out on their own and/or for marriages that are already toast.
Not true. They can facilitate communication between the two of you and give you skills for a better relationship.
Posted on 11/27/22 at 5:20 pm to DeSantis_2024
It would be a lot easier to give you advice if we saw a picture of the wife.
Posted on 11/27/22 at 5:22 pm to DeSantis_2024
Only 2-3 times a week as a newly wed?
Once a week with 3 kids probably isn't uncommon in stretches.
Once a week with 3 kids probably isn't uncommon in stretches.
Posted on 11/27/22 at 5:24 pm to DeSantis_2024
Married 30 years .. it’s not an easy road and things change .. things will NOT be the same lovey dovey as it was before kids .. at least for us it wasn’t. You’re not supposed to be the same person as when you got married — you grow, you learn, you mature …
Now we’re empty nesters. That took a ton of getting used to but you just woke through it all ..
Communication is key.
Now we’re empty nesters. That took a ton of getting used to but you just woke through it all ..
Communication is key.
Posted on 11/27/22 at 5:37 pm to tiger91
quote:
Now we’re empty nesters. That took a ton of getting used to but you just woke through it all ..
We are most likely 2.5 years from this. I think it will be weird, but we'll be fine. We just have a 16 yr old still at home now and she mostly ignores us already unless she needs something
This post was edited on 11/27/22 at 5:38 pm
Posted on 11/27/22 at 5:37 pm to DeSantis_2024
quote:
One consistent quarrel we have is that I am just about always the one to initiate the sex we have and that aggravates me as I feel like if she really wanted to have sex she would try to initiate it sometimes as well.
How often did she used to initiate?
Has she changed or have your expectations?
Are your expectations realistic?
Most women aren’t constant horn dogs. Most men are. Are you expecting your wife to be herself? Or be who you want her to be?
Men are almost always the ones who have to initiate. That’s inherent in the sexes. It’s built into our dna. It’s built into most animals DNA.
Are you satisfied with what you have or greedy for more? Once a week is better than many people.
This post was edited on 11/27/22 at 5:39 pm
Posted on 11/27/22 at 5:41 pm to DeSantis_2024
Wait….you mean you can’t party like the good ole days Because you’re tired and you barely have sex with three young kids around? It’s over dude you should totally ruin everyone’s life because you can’t man the frick up.
Life comes in phases. You are in one now. Push through it and stop being a bitch.
Life comes in phases. You are in one now. Push through it and stop being a bitch.
This post was edited on 11/27/22 at 5:43 pm
Posted on 11/27/22 at 5:41 pm to DeSantis_2024
quote:
I think we'd be fine without the kids, but the kids are seriously stressing me out and wearing me down and it's affecting the marriage for sure.
You sound like a complete a-hole. You made the kids. Do the work it takes to raise them or leave so she can find a real man.
Posted on 11/27/22 at 5:44 pm to DeSantis_2024
Find a responsible neighborhood or family teenager to babysit once every couple or three weeks so you and the lady can get out on your own without the kids. Date nights and a few hours of alone time are good for the relationship.
Posted on 11/27/22 at 5:45 pm to DeSantis_2024
Sounds like you have some growing up to do
Posted on 11/27/22 at 5:45 pm to DeSantis_2024
You should probably talk to you spouse about a what’s going on. He may not think anything is wrong.
Coming to the OT for marriage advice is a bad idea.
Coming to the OT for marriage advice is a bad idea.
Posted on 11/27/22 at 5:48 pm to DeSantis_2024
Once a week? I’d be thrilled!
Make it work.
Make it work.
Posted on 11/27/22 at 5:54 pm to DeSantis_2024
If you’re banging once per week you’re way ahead of the curve.
Posted on 11/27/22 at 6:02 pm to DeSantis_2024
Welcome to marriage with kids. It’s the same for everyone unless you’re rich
Posted on 11/27/22 at 6:04 pm to DeSantis_2024
quote:
Sex has gone from 2-3 times/week when we first got married to maybe once a week now.
Once a week ain’t bad for a married couple with 3 kids
Posted on 11/27/22 at 6:08 pm to Richard Grayson
quote:
How often did she used to initiate?
Has she changed or have your expectations?
Are your expectations realistic?
She has never really initiated even from the start of our marriage. We were both virgins until we got married, so I didn't really realize until after we got married that there was a big mismatch in our sex drives (that's a mistake mostly on my end for being a virgin till I was married though I supposed). She just doesn't really need sex in her life, she's more than content to just being a mother now. Not quite as extreme, but maybe a very mild version of someone like Shania Twain who only had sex if it was for purposes of procreation. Like if I didn't initiate it, she'd totally be fine having sex one a month or once a year and be no worse for wear.
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