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re: Marriage over or salvageable?
Posted on 11/27/22 at 4:26 pm to DeSantis_2024
Posted on 11/27/22 at 4:26 pm to DeSantis_2024
I also can’t tout the importance of marriage counseling enough.
My coworker went through a period of each of them resenting the other and counseling allowed them to really see things from each other’s POV. They’ve been solid for about 5 years now.
My coworker went through a period of each of them resenting the other and counseling allowed them to really see things from each other’s POV. They’ve been solid for about 5 years now.
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Posted on 11/27/22 at 4:27 pm to DeSantis_2024
Don’t let roommate problems become marriage problems.
Posted on 11/27/22 at 4:27 pm to DeSantis_2024
quote:
she said that I don't laugh when she tries to be funny. I could probably be more forgiving and remember to compliment her when stuff is going right rather than just complain when something she's responsible for isn't being kept up like it should be.
Sounds like maybe you are the one who isn’t as easy going as you used to be. If she’s responsible for something and not keeping it up like you’d like, consider the fact she’s given you three kids and let it slide.
At least once a day, ask how her day’s going or how it went and then just listen. Share a couple of glasses of wine and laugh when you’re supposed to laugh. Be her friend again; not her Quality Assurance manager. Embrace doing stuff as a family and show her you appreciate being a member.
Posted on 11/27/22 at 4:27 pm to Richard Grayson
quote:
quote:
Sex has gone from 2-3 times/week when we first got married to maybe once a week now.
Are you still in as good a shape? Do you still put forth the same amount of effort? Do you still try and romance her like you did?
If there answer to any of those is no then do better.
quote:
We went on an anniversary trip recently, and even when away from the kids for a bit finally, it didn't feel like the "good ole days" earlier in our marriage before kids.
Marriage takes effort. Take a deep introspective look at how much effort you truly put into your marriage. How often do you do little things just so your wife will smile? How often do you sacrifice your own happiness or your own few minutes in a day just so your wife can have a few minutes to herself?
How often is the inverse of these things true?
Selfishness is cancer to a relationship.
But also you cannot do it all yourself. If your wife has quit trying try open communication with her. Make some time to just talk about your relationship and make sure you are both on the same page.
Do not force the communication or interrogate your wife. Simply let her talk. How often do you truly listen instead of waiting on your turn to speak or trying to solve her problems?
quote:
divorce seems like an even worse option between the huge financial hit it would impose on me and the damage it would do to the kids. Thoughts?
Absent infidelity or some major breach of trust divorce is almost never the correct option. Divorce is far easier than maintaining yourself and your relationship.
Relationships are always reparable of both people put forth the effort.
Good luck. Elevate your wife above yourself and lead by example. You cannot expect someone else to do what you won’t do yourself.
Every word here is true. Very good advice.
My wife and I have been married 31+ years, and have gone through all the ups and downs, communication issues, 2 kids, etc...
Communication, honesty, and showing your spouse you love them instead of just telling them is key.
Posted on 11/27/22 at 4:28 pm to DeSantis_2024
Yall should take a workout class together once a week - tennis or body pump or yoga
Posted on 11/27/22 at 4:29 pm to lsunurse
quote:
As long as no cheating has gone on…can still be salvageable
Especially with 3 kids unless they just hate each other, which it doesn't sound like.
My wife and I have been together 20'ish years. It hasn't always been a Hallmark movie type of relationship but it certainly gets easier than when you have young kids, as long as both people are committed to making it work.
Posted on 11/27/22 at 4:30 pm to DeSantis_2024
quote:
That's the thing, I struggle with some aspects of the parenting like navigating a 4 year old's temper tantrum. She has a different parenting style than me, my style focuses more on discipline while hers is more focused on relating to them and talking it out.
I have a 4 year old right now. Those little frickers suck. The first one was just as bad when she was 4. I remember when our oldest was 6 and we had no other kids, we were on easy street. I keep telling myself that about this one. Baby jail bro, just counting the days.
Posted on 11/27/22 at 4:30 pm to ItSawGood
quote:
Don’t let roommate problems become marriage problems.
This is very profound. Thank you.
Posted on 11/27/22 at 4:30 pm to DeSantis_2024
Welcome to being a grownup. If you wanted your life to be all about you, why did you knock her up three times?
Here is the most disappointing thing I had to learn: There is no such thing as a fairy tale.
And think about this: do you want another man raising your kids? Because she is going to need someone who is there for her while raising your spawn.
Time to become a man.
Here is the most disappointing thing I had to learn: There is no such thing as a fairy tale.
And think about this: do you want another man raising your kids? Because she is going to need someone who is there for her while raising your spawn.
Time to become a man.
Posted on 11/27/22 at 4:31 pm to DeSantis_2024
quote:
Sex has gone from 2-3 times/week when we first got married to maybe once a week now.
You’re still doing better than most
10 years of marriage and 3 kids and it’s not gonna feel amazing. You’re gonna feel like roommates raising kids.
If you aren’t fighting and creating a unhappy environment for your kids then divorce is dumb.
Posted on 11/27/22 at 4:32 pm to DeSantis_2024
quote:
Sex has gone from 2-3 times/week when we first got married to maybe once a week now
You're getting much more than most
Posted on 11/27/22 at 4:33 pm to BobABooey
quote:
Share a couple of glasses of wine
Focus on this, women are more likely to put out with a buzz
Posted on 11/27/22 at 4:33 pm to Richard Grayson
quote:
Are you still in as good a shape? Do you still put forth the same amount of effort? Do you still try and romance her like you did?
I'm in better physical shape than I was when we got married. I probably don't try to her romance her like I used to. One consistent quarrel we have is that I am just about always the one to initiate the sex we have and that aggravates me as I feel like if she really wanted to have sex she would try to initiate it sometimes as well.
Posted on 11/27/22 at 4:36 pm to DeSantis_2024
Stop being selfish. Make time for each other. Things won't always be perfect or as good as they once were. Marriage isn't easy. Be there for your wife even when she isn't there for you.
This post was edited on 11/27/22 at 4:37 pm
Posted on 11/27/22 at 4:37 pm to Tigerbait357
She worries about the kids more than you do. She is wired that way. I don’t think me time or taking a class together is going to work. She will still be preoccupied with the kids. Just grow up and live your life the best you can. One day at a time. It will get much better if you work on your own expectations and attitude. Anything else will bring you more pain than you think possible.
Posted on 11/27/22 at 4:39 pm to DeSantis_2024
quote:
Sex has gone from 2-3 times/week when we first got married to maybe once a week now
10 years, 3 kids, and still getting it once a week? Seriously, STFU. You are a blessed man compared to some of us.
Posted on 11/27/22 at 4:39 pm to DeSantis_2024
quote:
I'm in better physical shape than I was when we got married. I probably don't try to her romance her like I used to. One consistent quarrel we have is that I am just about always the one to initiate the sex we have and that aggravates me as I feel like if she really wanted to have sex she would try to initiate it sometimes as well.
My man, men have to initiate 90% of the time. And if someone tells you otherwise they found a woman in that 10% or they’re lying. At least that’s my perspective as a 38 year old whose been married 9 years and has two kids under five.
Posted on 11/27/22 at 4:40 pm to DeSantis_2024
quote:
DeSantis_2024
Just go here and read the sidebar. You’ll probably end up there anyway at some point, so might as well get it over with.
This post was edited on 11/27/22 at 4:41 pm
Posted on 11/27/22 at 4:40 pm to DeSantis_2024
It's called "work at it"
Kids change things but it's rewarding later in life.
Kids change things but it's rewarding later in life.
Posted on 11/27/22 at 4:41 pm to DeSantis_2024
So get in there are fight for the best parts of your marriage. Seek counseling. Start speaking honestly. Start compromising.
If you do divorce, you never want to wonder “what if”
If you do divorce, you never want to wonder “what if”
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