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re: Marriage over or salvageable?

Posted on 11/27/22 at 4:05 pm to
Posted by fightin tigers
Downtown Prairieville
Member since Mar 2008
73674 posts
Posted on 11/27/22 at 4:05 pm to
quote:

not happy with where our marriage stands but divorce seems like an even worse option between the huge financial hit it would impose on me and the damage it would do to the kids


Also, because you love her and don't want to be without her....right?
Posted by Adajax
Member since Nov 2015
6107 posts
Posted on 11/27/22 at 4:06 pm to
Are you maybe just looking for an excuse or validation to bolt? Just be the best dad you can be to your kids.
Posted by TexasTiger1984
Houston
Member since Sep 2009
1375 posts
Posted on 11/27/22 at 4:06 pm to
quote:

We do try to make "us time", but the conversation just doesn't flow as well as our younger years when we were still in the "lovey dovey" phase. I think she was a much more easy going person before kids and the social isolation from the lockdowns, but now that's changed and I'm not sure if it can get back to the way it was.


I think every single marriage has been in that same exact boat. Can’t give up now. It’ll never be the same as when you were in the lovey dovey phase, that doesn’t last forever. For better or for worse are part of the vows for a reason. You have to go back to the root of why you fell in love in the first place. This too shall pass, but you can give up.
This post was edited on 11/27/22 at 4:09 pm
Posted by yellowfin
Coastal Bar
Member since May 2006
97607 posts
Posted on 11/27/22 at 4:06 pm to
Keep the wife and get rid of the kids
Posted by lsunurse
Member since Dec 2005
128950 posts
Posted on 11/27/22 at 4:07 pm to
quote:

We do try to make "us time", but the conversation just doesn't flow as well as our younger years when we were still in the "lovey dovey" phase. I think she was a much more easy going person before kids and the social isolation from the lockdowns, but now that's changed and I'm not sure if it can get back to the way it was.



There is your issue….you want to get it back “the way it was”. Y’all are older and your lives have changed. Embrace that and focus on keeping a loving, supportive connection together with how life looks like in the present.
Posted by DeSantis_2024
Member since Nov 2022
97 posts
Posted on 11/27/22 at 4:07 pm to
quote:

Maybe she’s a maga girl.


Nope she's politically apathetic, but at least she's not a liberal.
Posted by HeadSlash
TEAM LIVE BADASS - St. GEORGE
Member since Aug 2006
49483 posts
Posted on 11/27/22 at 4:07 pm to
PIIHB
Posted by Taurus
Loozianna
Member since Feb 2015
4955 posts
Posted on 11/27/22 at 4:08 pm to
NO divorce, no separation. Financially losing for a man. Bad for kids.

Let her leave the house for weeks/months with zero financial help for her.

She will come back unless she is just a slut.
Posted by DeSantis_2024
Member since Nov 2022
97 posts
Posted on 11/27/22 at 4:08 pm to
quote:

Are you maybe just looking for an excuse or validation to bolt? Just be the best dad you can be to your kids.


That's the thing, I struggle with some aspects of the parenting like navigating a 4 year old's temper tantrum. She has a different parenting style than me, my style focuses more on discipline while hers is more focused on relating to them and talking it out.

I think we'd be fine without the kids, but the kids are seriously stressing me out and wearing me down and it's affecting the marriage for sure.
This post was edited on 11/27/22 at 4:09 pm
Posted by danilo
Member since Nov 2008
20039 posts
Posted on 11/27/22 at 4:11 pm to
Try swinging to spice things up
Posted by Realityintheface
Member since May 2022
1784 posts
Posted on 11/27/22 at 4:11 pm to
Not once did you say you loved or didn’t love your wife anymore. Start with that question. Do or don’t you love her now?
Posted by fallguy_1978
Best States #50
Member since Feb 2018
48334 posts
Posted on 11/27/22 at 4:12 pm to
quote:

I think we'd be fine without the kids, but the kids are seriously stressing me out and wearing me down and it's affecting the marriage for sure.

Kids get easier as they get older. They are a pain in the arse again as teenagers but it's a different type of pain in the arse
Posted by Boomdaddy65201
BoCoMo
Member since Mar 2020
2567 posts
Posted on 11/27/22 at 4:13 pm to
quote:

Stick it out. Kids make it hard, but it will get better.


Posted by UncleRuckus
Member since Feb 2013
7629 posts
Posted on 11/27/22 at 4:13 pm to
From what you’ve said, definitely seems salvageable
Posted by HoustonChick86
Catalina Wine Mixer
Member since Dec 2009
57231 posts
Posted on 11/27/22 at 4:13 pm to
quote:

I think she was a much more easy going person before kids and the social isolation from the lockdowns, but now that's changed and I'm not sure if it can get back to the way it was.

I know it's shocking news, but people change. Of course 10 years and 3 kids a go she was more easy going.

I even have to remind my husband that about our marriage. It's never going to always be like your young love days.

Life isn't a movie.

Stick with it! Funds new interests yall like together that don't involve the kids.
Posted by TexasTiger1984
Houston
Member since Sep 2009
1375 posts
Posted on 11/27/22 at 4:14 pm to
If you were to ask her, what reasons would she give for why y’all are having trouble? Is there something should be looking within yourself for?
Posted by crazycubes
Member since Jan 2016
5256 posts
Posted on 11/27/22 at 4:15 pm to
The only objective problem you mentioned …

quote:

Sex has gone from 2-3 times/week when we first got married to maybe once a week now.


What else is going on?
Posted by SloaneRanger
Upper Hurstville
Member since Jan 2014
7613 posts
Posted on 11/27/22 at 4:16 pm to
Sounds like a normal marriage. Try working on it.
Posted by DeSantis_2024
Member since Nov 2022
97 posts
Posted on 11/27/22 at 4:19 pm to
quote:

If you were to ask her, what reasons would she give for why y’all are having trouble? Is there something should be looking within yourself for?


As far as reasons specific to me, she said that I don't laugh when she tries to be funny. I could probably be more forgiving and remember to compliment her when stuff is going right rather than just complain when something she's responsible for isn't being kept up like it should be.
Posted by geauxtigers87
Louisiana
Member since Mar 2011
25180 posts
Posted on 11/27/22 at 4:23 pm to
marriage is hard. we've been married 9 years with 2 small kids and we fought like cats and dogs for the last 6 months. but, throughout the course of those fights we hashed out all things we do that pisses the other one off and i think we're finally coming out on the other side of it.

like other people have said, talk it out. it works.
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