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Posted on 7/30/21 at 8:43 am to chilge2
This may sound a bit out there...but start with taking away her phone and other electronics. How much is she being influenced by outside sources...and how is she getting access to that? Social media has been a horrible influence on teen girls, and the crap nuggets who are sleeping with a 14 year old girl (I'm assuming they are older...because they are almost always older) have to be contacting her somehow.
It is hard to establish and hold boundaries when you are parenting out of fear...and that's what your wife is doing. Even if the concern is valid...fear isn't a good place to establish boundaries from.
It is hard to establish and hold boundaries when you are parenting out of fear...and that's what your wife is doing. Even if the concern is valid...fear isn't a good place to establish boundaries from.
Posted on 7/30/21 at 8:48 am to chilge2
Boot camp
Posted on 7/30/21 at 9:12 am to chilge2
Your wife is straight up wrong as can be. Save your daughter now by lowering the hammer.
Posted on 7/30/21 at 10:09 am to chilge2
Take away her cell phone and internet access.
Don't allow her on any computers.
Search her room consistently for contraband.
Talk with her, like actually talk with her. And hug her a lot, and constantly tell her you love her and want the best for her. Tell her that is why you are doing this. Keep hugging her. (yes to some baws here it may sound hippy-dippy, but she obviously needs to hear it)
Don't allow her on any computers.
Search her room consistently for contraband.
Talk with her, like actually talk with her. And hug her a lot, and constantly tell her you love her and want the best for her. Tell her that is why you are doing this. Keep hugging her. (yes to some baws here it may sound hippy-dippy, but she obviously needs to hear it)
This post was edited on 7/30/21 at 10:24 am
Posted on 7/30/21 at 10:56 am to chilge2
Geez dude. That's some tough stuff. When our 14 year old son was 11, he was acting out to the point his brothers and mother were in danger. At the rate he was going, he'd be dead or in jail before he turned 20. It was the most difficult decision I've ever made but we sent him away to therapeutic boarding school. He was gone for 18 months. He left an absolute terror and came back a completely changed person. He has a future now which is more than we could have ever hoped for. The longer you wait, the harder it will be to change her. I'll give you the links to the places we sent him.
SUWS of the Carolinas
Whetstone Academy
SUWS of the Carolinas
Whetstone Academy
Posted on 7/30/21 at 11:31 am to chilge2
I wish I would have removed my child from the environment when the signs started getting critical at age 15, and placed him into an inpatient program, therapeutic boarding school, or boot camp to help him. He is grown now and doing better, but I wish he could have been spared 10+ years of pain, trial and error. My other son graduated LSU recently and has always been level-headed. Some kids are more prone and susceptible to self-destructive behavior, regardless of the parents good intentions.
Posted on 7/30/21 at 11:32 am to chilge2
Cutting herself at 14? And the wife thinks this is no big deal?
She’s reaching out for some kind of attention.
She’s reaching out for some kind of attention.
Posted on 7/30/21 at 11:34 am to chilge2
There is an in patient facility in Georgia that handles cases like this. A friend of mine was going through the exact same issues with his daughter and that place seemed to get them headed in the right direction.
Posted on 7/30/21 at 11:35 am to TigerintheNO
quote:My guess is there was some serious trauma around that age that the parents are not aware of. Possibly sexual abuse.
she started this shite when she was still 10/11?
Posted on 7/30/21 at 11:54 am to MagZilla
quote:
That's rough. If she is cutting there are other issues at play, and probably some trauma that you and your wife are not aware of. I also recommend Genesis if you are in Baton Rouge. They specialize in teens, and they can absolutely help her. I work in mental health, so have some knowledge of this. Get her into therapy, and the family into therapy. I also agree with others, don't be her friend, be her dad. Be supportive of her, love her, but be firm. Good luck!
Just everything about this post is right on, OP. Your daughter is exhibiting some very dangerous and inappropriate behavior that cannot be ignored, bargained over, or disciplined out of her. You and your wife are in over your head.
Absolutely be her advocate, and get her some help right now.
Posted on 7/30/21 at 11:55 am to Poichess
quote:
You are going to have to learn to kiss her arse and be her friend.
Throw parenting out the window. Start a new relationship w/ her. Kinda be like Dexter’s dad.
Hope that helps.
Please tell us you don't have any children. Please.
Posted on 7/30/21 at 11:55 am to MagZilla
I second the recommendation for Genesis. They deal with all sorts of behaviors and will address the parenting mistakes that re hindering her progress.
Posted on 7/30/21 at 11:55 am to Go Cat Go
quote:
Your daughter is exhibiting some very dangerous and inappropriate behavior that cannot be ignored, bargained over, or disciplined out of her. You and your wife are in over your head. Absolutely be her advocate, and get her some help right now.
100%
Posted on 7/30/21 at 11:58 am to chilge2
quote:
(14)
I'm dealing with a 14 1/2 year old boy myself, driving me nuts.
We got in it last night because he wants a damned earring, he's an athlete but wants to look like slim shaddy .
School and sports start next week
Posted on 7/30/21 at 12:01 pm to Hangover Haven
Her cutting will definitely escalate if not controlled. The "need" for the pain, not necessarily related to suicide....initially...becomes addictive, & like any addiction, it takes more & more to feed it. I saw this up close & in person both professionally & personally. Like a lot of needle users, they use body parts that are not easily visible, behind the knees, inner thighs, and butt cheeks being common areas. The inner wrists seem to be the main starting areas because they are so easy to reach. Find her cutter tool as most like to use a certain instrument, it's part of the addiction. Homemade short knives using razor blades are common, easy to hide.
Posted on 7/30/21 at 12:16 pm to chilge2
Birth Control implant good for five years.
Posted on 7/30/21 at 12:26 pm to chilge2
Let's see .....so she is
1. cutting herself.
2. DP'ed.
3. vaping.
4. stealing and lying.
And you are not seeking very serious professional help? And the mother is stalling? I would have her in a professional's office so fast! And while she was there I'd insist she be institutionalized. And while she was there I'd be curled up in the corner crying that I was too late in not being stupid.
1. cutting herself.
2. DP'ed.
3. vaping.
4. stealing and lying.
And you are not seeking very serious professional help? And the mother is stalling? I would have her in a professional's office so fast! And while she was there I'd insist she be institutionalized. And while she was there I'd be curled up in the corner crying that I was too late in not being stupid.
Posted on 7/30/21 at 1:37 pm to Lsupimp
Go to CVS and buy a drug test.
You have got to see what you are dealing with.
You have got to see what you are dealing with.
Posted on 7/30/21 at 2:03 pm to chilge2
Having a daughter that turns two next week.... posts like this absolutely terrify me
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