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re: Has anyone had to move their elderly parents in with you?
Posted on 7/17/26 at 11:26 am to dyslexiateechur
Posted on 7/17/26 at 11:26 am to dyslexiateechur
quote:
My husband works from home so he can pretty much give her full time care
Might want to confirm that with him.
1
Posted on 7/17/26 at 11:27 am to CAT
quote:
A UTI will show up out of no where and you'll need to know what to do.
Been the downfall of numerous elderly people.
Posted on 7/17/26 at 11:28 am to danilo
quote:
My husband works from home so he can pretty much give her full time care Might want to confirm that with him.
No shite. Talk about putting stress on a marriage expecting him to do all that.
Posted on 7/17/26 at 11:40 am to StringedInstruments
quote:
I won’t consider it. I don’t mean to lack empathy, but I have two young kids and my own life. I don’t live in a big house with spare room to host and care for an elderly person. I also, most importantly, don’t desire to have an elderly, needy person in my house all the time.
Social Psychology Rhesus monkeys study on maternal bonding predicted this. Sounds like you were found as newborn baby on the porch. Hope your kids have deeper bonds. Family glue!
Or not.
This post was edited on 7/17/26 at 11:41 am
Posted on 7/17/26 at 11:41 am to CAT
quote:
UTI
My mother got them a lot and never complained.
The indicator was that a usually sweet old lady started having mood swings.
UTI can lead to sepsis really quick.
Posted on 7/17/26 at 11:44 am to Everyday Is Saturday
quote:
Family glue!
Your immediate family comes first, and this kind of thing is a great way to ruin a marriage. It may not result in a divorce, but it's life changing.
Posted on 7/17/26 at 11:48 am to dyslexiateechur
We went though this with my MiL (she moved in with us after she broke and ankle and hip). After 2 months, we sold her house and put her in assisted living. Full time care for the immobile:
1. Toileting - getting to restroom, cleaning any mess,etc
2. Feeding - prepping and cooking all the meals
3. Cleaning - clothes, apartment, etc
4. Doctor appointments - all of them
5. Emergencies - this will occur daily
6. Middle of the night needs - who's getting up at 2am if/when she needs help?
7. Medications - complete management, getting refills, make sure she's taking them, understanding what they do, etc
8. Questions and resolutions - Their will be ton of all day questions - TV, phone, computer, etc
Lastly is companionship. You're life outside of being at home will dwindle.
Good Luck
1. Toileting - getting to restroom, cleaning any mess,etc
2. Feeding - prepping and cooking all the meals
3. Cleaning - clothes, apartment, etc
4. Doctor appointments - all of them
5. Emergencies - this will occur daily
6. Middle of the night needs - who's getting up at 2am if/when she needs help?
7. Medications - complete management, getting refills, make sure she's taking them, understanding what they do, etc
8. Questions and resolutions - Their will be ton of all day questions - TV, phone, computer, etc
Lastly is companionship. You're life outside of being at home will dwindle.
Good Luck
Posted on 7/17/26 at 11:55 am to dyslexiateechur
quote:
We’re considering tearing out the new tub to install a walk in shower.
quote:sounds like you need a roll in shower
She can’t walk for now but we don’t know how much she will improve.
Posted on 7/17/26 at 12:01 pm to dyslexiateechur
My FIL moved in with us for a while. It was fine, but older people have weird quirks you have to get used to.
Posted on 7/17/26 at 12:22 pm to Spankum
quote:
You need to be sure there is a hand shower (on a hose). Be sure there is place can get warm enough…elderly get cold very quickly Seek help with batihing from home health sooner rather than later..
Thanks that’s a good point.
They’re going to send out a therapist to help her walk again and such—is help bathing something I should ask the doctor about or do I look for a private service?
As far as husband working, he works on commission and his job is incredibly flexible. He may end up retiring early if it gets to be too much anyway.
Posted on 7/17/26 at 12:29 pm to theCrusher
quote:
1. Toileting - getting to restroom, cleaning any mess,etc
2. Feeding - prepping and cooking all the meals
3. Cleaning - clothes, apartment, etc
4. Doctor appointments - all of them
5. Emergencies - this will occur daily
6. Middle of the night needs - who's getting up at 2am if/when she needs help?
7. Medications - complete management, getting refills, make sure she's taking them, understanding what they do, etc
8. Questions and resolutions - Their will be ton of all day questions - TV, phone, computer, etc
Lastly is companionship. You're life outside of being at home will dwindle.
Good Luck
All of this!
You'll also lose some of that closeness once you essentially become her nurse. She'll lose her dignity once you're helping her to the bathroom and shower.
I never want my kids wiping my butt.
Also, say goodbye to any vacations, social life, solo time, etc.
It truly becomes a tiresome full time job.
Once my mom saw what we went through with my ex's grandmother, she immediately signed up for long term care insurance.
Posted on 7/17/26 at 12:33 pm to dyslexiateechur
There are quite a few companies that just do sitting. I'm sure there's multiple options in & around BR. Something you wouldn't have any idea about until you need it. You could call a local home health type place and ask for sitting service recs.
Posted on 7/17/26 at 12:34 pm to chinhoyang
quote:
Around here, it is the kids moving in with the elderly parents.
I did this with my dad for a couple of months. Unfortunately he rapidly became too weak to be at home, even with home health and me staying there at night. He was still mentally sharp, which made it easier. We lost my mother to alzheimers a few years ago and that was so much worse.
OP, it's a big job and you won't truly understand how big until you actually do it. God bless you for taking it on, but remember you're not obligated to ruin your own health and finances in the process. Nobody wants to go to a nursing home, and nobody wants to put their parent in one, but sometimes it's the least bad alternative.
Posted on 7/17/26 at 12:40 pm to dyslexiateechur
Portable toilet
Rubber fitted sheet to protect the mattress.
Diapers
Wipes
Some of that stuff coroners put under their nose
This is the biggest issue. Cleaning them up after accidents. It’s hard but don’t scold them after accidents. Sometimes they lose sensation that they have to go.
But they cleaned and wiped your arse when you were a baby. Time to return the favor. It’s not a big deal after a few times.
Rubber fitted sheet to protect the mattress.
Diapers
Wipes
Some of that stuff coroners put under their nose
This is the biggest issue. Cleaning them up after accidents. It’s hard but don’t scold them after accidents. Sometimes they lose sensation that they have to go.
But they cleaned and wiped your arse when you were a baby. Time to return the favor. It’s not a big deal after a few times.
Posted on 7/17/26 at 12:42 pm to UptownJoeBrown
quote:
Rubber fitted sheet to protect the mattress.
Great point—something I haven’t thought about.
I don’t think she’s at the point of having accidents but it can’t hurt.
Posted on 7/17/26 at 12:49 pm to dyslexiateechur
quote:
My husband works from home so he can pretty much give her full time care.
Poor bastard, not sure how he will be able to do both of these at the same time
Posted on 7/17/26 at 12:50 pm to dyslexiateechur
Friends had to move his Mother in with them, his brothers were no help. She got the downstairs master bedroom and luxury bath.
My friends got the up the stairs much smaller bedroom.
Really sadly, my friend died before they could move back to Tennessee. Her MIL outlived her and is still going strong, but in a home as her sons aren't up to caring for her without help. (And she wasted over a million+ on a top of the line RV and lengthy trip around the USA because she and her second husband didn't expect to live long. His expectations were met. She is still chugging away.)
My friends got the up the stairs much smaller bedroom.
Really sadly, my friend died before they could move back to Tennessee. Her MIL outlived her and is still going strong, but in a home as her sons aren't up to caring for her without help. (And she wasted over a million+ on a top of the line RV and lengthy trip around the USA because she and her second husband didn't expect to live long. His expectations were met. She is still chugging away.)
Posted on 7/17/26 at 12:51 pm to dyslexiateechur
quote:
She can’t walk for now
This is going to be extremely difficult. Caring for an elderly person who cannot walk is not the same as caring for an infant. Even 100lbs of dead weight is unmanageable for most people.
Is there an option of a rehab hospital or an in-home nurse? Your husband cannot work a full time job and also care for an invalid all day. I don't mean to sound harsh at all, but it's a round the clock job all by itself.
Posted on 7/17/26 at 12:53 pm to HouseMom
quote:
Is there an option of a rehab hospital or an in-home nurse? Your husband cannot work a full time job and also care for an invalid all day. I don't mean to sound harsh at all, but it's a round the clock job all by itself.
It definitely is an option. Just not sure who to contact to get those balls rolling.
Next few days will be interesting.
Posted on 7/17/26 at 12:55 pm to HouseMom
Put her in “a home”
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