re: Has anyone had to move their elderly parents in with you?

80+ mother moved in with us for 5 years and 80+ MIL moved into assisted living near us for 13 years. There was no overlap of dates, and period of terminal decline was relatively short. All in all, it was a good time especially for a young son.

Main problem came during mother's decline when she finally needed a sitter. A hospital social worker identified a recommended service, but the sitters themselves were quite unreliable. One was afraid of the dog and quit; one wanted a better TV and quit, and one didn't know whether to turn left or right off Perkins so she sat at a gas station 4 hours waiting for the Service to return a call on a Sunday evening. All she needed to do was try each. One was a dead end while the other leads right to our house.

Good luck trying out having your MIL with you, but stay informed about elder care options nearby.

Well, DW went to pick her up and the doctor strongly recommended a month at a rehab facility. He thinks she will be back to 100% so great news!

My mom lives with us, but she’s in good shape, so I’m no help

She’s also single - if anyone is interested jk

We haven’t had to yet. I remember my grandmother living with us when I was a kid but she didn’t live much longer. At some point my grandfather moved in and lived with us around 1.5 years but he and my dad seemed happy together and I don’t remember it ever being much of an issue.

My mom has a lot of siblings and are from north Louisiana and at the time her parents started going downhill we were in New Orleans, but I know some of my aunts and uncles took in my maternal grandparents

A lot of really good, practical advice in here.

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I have an ARLO cam on her dresser so I can check on her.

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This was a big one for us- our house is a master bedroom downstairs, two bedrooms upstairs. MIL obviously got the downstairs bedroom. We had a closed circuit baby cam with audio for night time in case she needed us.

As someone else mentioned, even a frail 100lb lady is difficult to manage for bathing, toileting, bed changes, dressing. Having help for some of that is preferred. I had to do it on my own and it was rough.

You will probably have home health coming by once a week or more to work with her and monitor her- use them, they are very helpful.

Chart medicine- set alarms… old people are a walking pharmacy and you need a system to keep up with it.

It’s tempting and easy to treat them like babies. Don’t. They aren’t babies. I know that sounds duh… but the slide is real.

They get ornery. Even the sweet ones. Be emotionally prepared. I wasn’t and wished someone had given me the heads up on that.

Good luck- it’s hard but they are our parents, it’s a wonderful thing to do for them.

You need one of those poo poo chairs.

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Caveat: I'm not an Alabama lawyer and I'm not your lawyer. I think that will be fine as long as it's beyond the five year look back period. Within five years she may incur some penalties as medicaid might look at that as a gift, which they take a dim view of. If your wife works at a law firm she has already probably run it past someone. If not, I would encourage her to. Medicaid is its own little universe and the rules apply differently. A generalist lawyer may not be aware of all the intricacies.

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Yeah. She had the senior partner make sure everything is in order with the deed to ensure my MIL’s house is safe. He’s practiced law since the late 70s and specializes in real estate law. In fact, for the past 10 years or so, that’s all he does because he said he hated dealing with things like divorces and criminal cases. He leaves that for the junior partners.

If there’s a possibility that she may need Medicaid (for a nursing home, for example) you should have her gift you her house now (if she owns it) so that you can start the five-year period running so that if you ever need to put her into a nursing home, she will be eligible for Medicaid and you will not have to eventually give the house back to Medicaid when she passes. Once five years elapses, Medicaid will not have a lien on her house when she passes.

In a similar situation with my dad. We aren't super close and there's no way I'd subject my wife and kids to that much less myself. I am looking for a permanent place closer to us, but I could barely survive a three day visit much less him living with us. I have young kids. I'm just not willing to do that.

So the latest update is, they’re trying to insist on discharging her to us. We’re working on it.