re: Follow up re: my imminent divorce UPDATE PG 20

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God to take me. I find myself even struggling to believe. I’m not a saint, but in general I think I’m a good person. I try to do right. I wonder what I did to deserve all this.

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God doesn’t want you happy when it’s only based on things of this world. It's not about the "works" you do here it's about how you serve Him.

When this world cannot no longer make you happy, turn to Him and seek happiness in HIS purpose.

It's not that good works and doing right isn't important but it's part of serving Him but when doing right and serving only ourselves and our happiness from this world (money, relationships, status, etc.) runs dry, we can turn to Him and seek what makes Him happy.

My suggestion...find a church, ANY church and start going. It doesnt even matter what religion you are (or if you are even a Christian to begin with). Just go. Find a preacher you like (or don't like) and then if you don't like one, find one you do like. Find men's groups. Look for a Christian therapist. Look for mens retreats or boot camps.

When we have only served ourselves and this world for so long it can seem impossible to start serving God but I promise man....he's got enough grace to fill the rest of your days with happiness if you seek Him.

“For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them” (Ephesians 2:8-10).

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The two dogs are all that is keeping me company.

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You can bet she's banging someone else

A woman can be married for 25 years then have a new boyfriend the next say, funny how that happens.

Man just reading some of your old topics- you're way too hard on yourself.

This may hurt to hear but I think it should be said your self confidence/lack there of is torpedoing your mental state and probably your relationship.

You need to pick a goal and achieve it. And make plans and look forward to them.

Step 1) get a 6 pack, as soon as work is over go workout every day for at least and hour, don't think about it, just do it. If it's a gym, rowing machine, your garage whatever. Just do it,

Step 2) Plan a huge fishing, hunting or just trip. Do a bucket list item next year and begin saving now.

Step 3) Go to church every Sunday morning.

Kill an elk in Utah with a bow.
Catch a sailfish in Costa Rica.
Learn how to surf in Hawaii
Go see the pyramids in Egypt
Research your ancestors then visit your origins


Don't feel bad for yourself but stop being so damn hard on yourself.

If life isn't giving you a reason to live then say frick it and do it yourself. Make yourself into someone you admire and are proud of.

You still have plenty of time to start a family but fix yourself first man

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You’re going through the 7 stages of grief. This is all completely normal. Sounds like you’re on stage 5 right now. As someone that’s divorced (and other divorced guys on here would agree), you need to believe that things are going to be better very soon. You’re in the “horrible shitty part” right now. Look up the 7 stages of grief. It’s surprising how accurate they are.

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You won’t get enough upvotes for how correct you are

Grief is commonly referred to as something that follows death. Grief actually follows “Loss” and can be experienced through many non-death situations

Here’s what helped me: Hop on a plane and go to Arlington national cemetery. Walk through the graveyard and read the tombstones. Visit the tomb of the unknown soldier.

My problems seemed completely irrelevant after I did that and I moved on with my life.

What Mikelbr also failed to say is that the loneliness, quiet apartment, and financial woes gave way to the life he has now. A great new house with a wonderful girlfriend who puts up with him. If he can get it together there is hope for everyone.

What everyone said about stages of grief is absolutely true. Exercise, church, volunteering with animals, and going everywhere you are invited and trying to have a good time not being debbie downer is 100% the way. Make strides to do anything you have ever wanted to do and never tried. Before you know it you will be smiling again and life will have new purpose.

I walked that same road many years ago and it was a stop light one evening that I realized I needed help. My family was falling apart and it was overwhelming. I was going to either hurt myself or someone else and I just started crying, and it was at that time, I realized I needed to surrender everything to go God, because it was too much for me to handle on my own. I cried, yelled and punched the seat next to me over and over and begged God to save me and he did.

I grew up going to church, attended Catholic school, and like most church going people, I thought I had a tremendous relationship with God, but I was so wrong. I did have a relationship with God, but it was on my terms. It wasn't until I hit rock bottom that night that I finally realized I had to totally surrender everything to him and allow him to take total control over my life. I realized it wasn't about going to church or attending a Catholic school that made me a Christian, but it was totally allowing God to lead the way.

At that moment, I felt this tremendous calm and peace overcome me. It felt like the weight of the world had been lifted off my shoulders. I cried and cried, not from anger, but for knowing that for the first time in my life I knew God was in control and he was going to see me through this situation and he did.

Is that to say everything was perfect and I never got angry or hurt again, no! It was, however, very different in knowing that God was right beside me and he was going to see me through what ever situation arose.

I am here today because of that one moment that night. It was life changing and I hope the same for you. Instead of trying to control everything like I did, truly surrender it all to him and allow him to be your guiding light. Praying for you brother!

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It just sucks realizing my wife just doesn’t love me and is moved out. I wonder if she ever did love me.

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Had to touch on this. I got divorced 13 years ago to I thought the love of my life. She was the only girl I ever took home to meet my mom and family hell she even took me to her senior prom. I was 4 years older. We got married had 3 beautiful children and were married for twelve years. About year eleven she decided to go find a job and started back to school. I was all for it at first but she started wanting to go out with her friends and stuff and before I knew it I was watching three young kids when I was not working and also trying to finish college. We did counseling through the church and we stuck it out for about another two years for the kids. We did divorce mediation and it was over like that. OP I like you thought she LOVED me but she once did and lost that love for me and I did the same. Love is a broad term you can love someone but to be in love with someone is different. Here goes She doesn't love you any more and she has moved on and so should you. F*CK her it's time to love yourself and show her that she lost a good man. Trust me it comes back around and when you are all smiles again and loving life she will almost be jealous of you. My ex and I don't speak much to each other anymore except when it comes to our kids but we are both happy and I have been remarried for five years together with my now wife for 12 years. FORGET THE PAST and move forward nobody gives a shite about that marriage anymore what the people that love you care about is that you are happy. The only person that controls that it is you. Frick its football season get your a$$ out and drink beer and watch football nude all day at your place if you want. Nobody to answer too and tell you what and what not too do. You got this !!!!!

You're entitled to grieve, but you must help yourself through it and surround yourself with anyone else who will support you getting through it. Make yourself do things you enjoy. That's hard at first, but do it anyway. Give the pain to God. Do what you have to do to learn how to do that.

Call an old friend or friends to go out for a beer or eat. Have them over to watch a game or games. Find some watch parties. You might make some new friends as well.

You are young and have a lot of life to live. You have much to offer. Remind yourself of that. As others have suggested, volunteer for something that will be fulfilling for you and make you feel good. This will not be the end of the world unless you allow it to be. It's hard and it's a challenge, but you are strong enough to plow through this. When you start trying, you will see a difference. The heartache won't disappear, but you can live with it and you can even be happy. There is light at the end of this tunnel. If you look hard enough, you will start to see the glimmer.

Remember that you are a worthy person and there are people who would miss you terribly if you weren't around. Then, they would suffer the heartache you are feeling. You matter and you can make a difference in other people's lives.

If you have single friends, spend alot of time with them.

Do fun shite to take your mind off the bad.