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Message
re: Ever cut ties with a parent?
Posted on 3/28/20 at 9:00 am to Globetrotter747
Posted on 3/28/20 at 9:00 am to Globetrotter747
I know every situation is different and I can't really give rational advice easily where this is concerned but I would say, as someone who lost a loving father at the age of 9, I can't imagine completely severing ties and not even going to a funeral.
I'm 58 years old and would love to have some time with my dad, have my kids and grand kids meet him. My whole life has been shaped by losing him.
Consider limiting communication or cutting off ties if need be but allow within yourself the opportunity to reconcile or at least reestablish communication at some point, given certain conditions you decide upon. And don't avoid the funeral, for your own benefit, odds are you'll regret that if you don't go.
The exception would be a parent who molested you or possibly significant physical abuse. And I'm still not sure I'd avoid the funeral.
Good luck with whatever decision you make. These can be really tough situations
I'm 58 years old and would love to have some time with my dad, have my kids and grand kids meet him. My whole life has been shaped by losing him.
Consider limiting communication or cutting off ties if need be but allow within yourself the opportunity to reconcile or at least reestablish communication at some point, given certain conditions you decide upon. And don't avoid the funeral, for your own benefit, odds are you'll regret that if you don't go.
The exception would be a parent who molested you or possibly significant physical abuse. And I'm still not sure I'd avoid the funeral.
Good luck with whatever decision you make. These can be really tough situations
1
Posted on 3/28/20 at 9:11 am to Hot Carl
Shut up.
Posted on 3/28/20 at 9:15 am to Globetrotter747
quote:
attend their funeral?
I’m going to make sure he’s dead...
Posted on 3/28/20 at 9:15 am to TigerFanNSTC
quote:Mine died a few years ago. I only felt relief. And apparently I wasn't the only one as he so thoroughly burned all his bridges that no one even bothered to give him a funeral.
My father is dying right now. I have received calls from two aunts and multiple cousins telling me about it and how all he wants is to tell my brother and I how much he loves us before he dies.
A lot of people in this thread are suggesting that you'll regret it if you don't reestablish contact. Possibly, but only you can determine that as the people offering that advice, well intentioned as they may be, really have no clue about your situation and aren't qualified to give you advice.
Posted on 3/28/20 at 9:23 am to Tigersonfire
quote:
Yes. My mother was an addict. In and out of my life my entire life. She straightened up for about a decade and I finished high school living with her. Funny lady and great personality. I went off to the service and then shortly after I got off she fell off the wagon. I tried to stand by her but one day I hung the phone up and told myself I was done. I couldn’t let her ruin her life and mine. Sadly the biggest relief of my life was watching the corners van drive off the night she died. As I had my own children I grew to hate her even after death because I couldn’t understand how she gave me and her grandchildren up for that shite. Now she’s a distant memory that’s only brought up when my children ask about my “real” mom.
Man that’s so sad. Here’s an eHug. No homo
Posted on 3/28/20 at 9:36 am to Donkeypunch
quote:
“She was just waiting on you “. It broke my heart but I’m not sure whether or not I would change a thing.
Thanks for the donkey punch to the gut. Just cried thanks.
Posted on 3/28/20 at 9:55 am to Globetrotter747
Long story but basically I grew up with a father who was an alcoholic. He was in and out of my life but my weak mom always took him back. I was just getting used to accepting who he was as a person when my sister dropped the bomb that he molested her when she was 10. I haven’t spoken to him in 3 years since I have found this out and my mom continues a relationship with him like nothing happened. Let’s just say I rarely talk to her, just holidays and such. I appreciate my family more and don’t know if I will ever see either of them again.
Posted on 3/28/20 at 10:05 am to Globetrotter747
Yes. No regrets.
Posted on 3/28/20 at 10:10 am to rantfan
quote:
rantfan
Not that it means much from an internet stranger, but you did what you could. I don't know if I'd be able to forgive my mother fully either.
Posted on 3/28/20 at 10:13 am to GatorPA84
quote:
I appreciate my family more and don’t know if I will ever see either of them again.
That’s the thing that I’ve taken from my experience. I promised myself that I would be the best father that I could to my children and allow them to grow up within a family that loved and cared about them.
Posted on 3/28/20 at 10:17 am to Globetrotter747
My MIL never much cared for her dad who, divorced her mom when right after she was born.
She mildly kept up with him until college, but then that was it. She's in her 70's now. He was a prominent person involved with LSU and Saints sports.
She mildly kept up with him until college, but then that was it. She's in her 70's now. He was a prominent person involved with LSU and Saints sports.
Posted on 3/28/20 at 10:33 am to Hamma1122
quote:
No. You’ll live with regret
Why? Sometimes relationships are too toxic for an individual. That can certainly be true of parents or a sibling.
Posted on 3/28/20 at 10:53 am to JohnnyU
My mother is a very manipulative person and my father is one of those church officers that successfully hides the way he really is.
After growing up being emotionally and physically abused, college was my way out. My parents didn't have the money, but I had the grades and test scores to make it work with scholarships, grants and some student loans.
The summer between my junior and senior year of high school, I took a couple of classes at the local junior college via the Upward Bound program (its for poor kids). My high school counselor was worthless (that's a whole story in itself) but there was someone at the junior college that really took an interest in helping me through the process. She mentioned a particular college (that was in-state, but as far away in state as you could get from where I grew up) and I signed up to get info from them.
When the mail came, my dad flipped out and beat me for the last time. I bowed up to him. He beat the shite out of me for considering going away 300 miles to college. I told him that was the last time he would beat me. The next time I would call the police/get up in front of church and call him out. Was trying to make me withdraw from the junior college (was too late without a W, so they convinced him to let me stay.
When I went off to college it was like being let out of prison. I barely spoke to them for years. When I got married, I invited them back into my life and they were fine for a few years. My father even apologized. But years later, they went back to their old ways. I haven't seen them in four years, although I have spoken to them on the phone sporadically.
Terrible, terrible people.
After growing up being emotionally and physically abused, college was my way out. My parents didn't have the money, but I had the grades and test scores to make it work with scholarships, grants and some student loans.
The summer between my junior and senior year of high school, I took a couple of classes at the local junior college via the Upward Bound program (its for poor kids). My high school counselor was worthless (that's a whole story in itself) but there was someone at the junior college that really took an interest in helping me through the process. She mentioned a particular college (that was in-state, but as far away in state as you could get from where I grew up) and I signed up to get info from them.
When the mail came, my dad flipped out and beat me for the last time. I bowed up to him. He beat the shite out of me for considering going away 300 miles to college. I told him that was the last time he would beat me. The next time I would call the police/get up in front of church and call him out. Was trying to make me withdraw from the junior college (was too late without a W, so they convinced him to let me stay.
When I went off to college it was like being let out of prison. I barely spoke to them for years. When I got married, I invited them back into my life and they were fine for a few years. My father even apologized. But years later, they went back to their old ways. I haven't seen them in four years, although I have spoken to them on the phone sporadically.
Terrible, terrible people.
Posted on 3/28/20 at 10:54 am to Globetrotter747
Posted on 3/28/20 at 10:56 am to mdomingue
quote:
Consider limiting communication or cutting off ties if need be but allow within yourself the opportunity to reconcile or at least reestablish communication at some point, given certain conditions you decide upon
I actually went to see a Deacon about this .. he said among other things, 1) to not speak ill of him to my children as they're all old enough to decide for themselves and 2) to stay open to the possibility BUT I'm by no means obligated to do anything.
Posted on 3/28/20 at 11:04 am to Globetrotter747
My wife cut ties with both of her parents several years ago because of her manipulative mother. I apologize to the wife for this post and it was uncalled for.
This post was edited on 4/9/20 at 11:31 pm
Posted on 3/28/20 at 11:21 am to Globetrotter747
This thread made me pretty sad. I feel for anyone who cuts ties wit a parent. Any one can be a "mother" or "father". I cannot imagine a "parent" who leaves a child. I cannot imagine a "parent" not wanting to do the best for his or her child. Adult children who were not cared for by their "parents" have no obligation to deal with them in their later years. I salute those of you who even consider the possibility of allowing such person into your lives. You are better people than I.
I was lucky enough to have a loving "Mom" and "Dad".
My Dad passed away in 2003 and my Mom passed away on January 12 of this year. At age 68, I really miss them both.
My best to all of you who had to make this difficult decision.
I was lucky enough to have a loving "Mom" and "Dad".
My Dad passed away in 2003 and my Mom passed away on January 12 of this year. At age 68, I really miss them both.
My best to all of you who had to make this difficult decision.
Posted on 3/28/20 at 11:25 am to IonaTiger
quote:In my case I still had a dad, my stepfather who raised me (who I did and still do mourn). I just had to cut my biological father out, so I'm luckier than some in that sense.
This thread made me pretty sad. I feel for anyone who cuts ties wit a parent. Any one can be a "mother" or "father". I cannot imagine a "parent" who leaves a child. I cannot imagine a "parent" not wanting to do the best for his or her child. Adult children who were not cared for by their "parents" have no obligation to deal with them in their later years. I salute those of you who even consider the possibility of allowing such person into your lives. You are better people than I.
I was lucky enough to have a loving "Mom" and "Dad".
My Dad passed away in 2003 and my Mom passed away on January 12 of this year. At age 68, I really miss them both.
My best to all of you who had to make this difficult decision.
Posted on 3/28/20 at 11:28 am to northshorebamaman
I'm happy for folks like you and have nothing but respect for step-parents who are the real parents for many in your position.
Posted on 3/28/20 at 11:45 am to Globetrotter747
I cut ties with myself last week. It’s been difficult.
No it hasn’t.
No it hasn’t.
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