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Started By
Message
Do you bother keeping in touch with family who don’t bother with you?
Posted on 12/17/24 at 10:53 am
Posted on 12/17/24 at 10:53 am
Feeling frustrated today, and more so disappointed. My Dad’s side of the family all lives on the East coast and I’m here in Louisiana. He has a big family, but none of them live anywhere close to me. For the past few years, I’ve done my best to get to know them and try to see them. I saw them a few times when I was growing up, but most of my formative years were spent away from them.
I’ve taken a couple of trips to see them since 2021, which were nice, but other than that, I never hear from any of them. I try to reach out, and I’m the only one reaching out. I know the distance is a big factor, but still it sucks.
To make a long story short, I feel like an outsider in my own family. Do any of you have this in your life? Do you try to have a relationship with relatives who don’t try with you?
I’ve taken a couple of trips to see them since 2021, which were nice, but other than that, I never hear from any of them. I try to reach out, and I’m the only one reaching out. I know the distance is a big factor, but still it sucks.
To make a long story short, I feel like an outsider in my own family. Do any of you have this in your life? Do you try to have a relationship with relatives who don’t try with you?
49
Posted on 12/17/24 at 10:55 am to SaintlyTiger88
I get the desire to have family present in your life, but you can't make them do it. So at some point after trying and not succeeding over and over, I would give up and live my life knowing that I was the one that tried and it's their loss.
Posted on 12/17/24 at 10:57 am to SaintlyTiger88
quote:
Do you bother keeping in touch with family who don’t bother with you?
Nope.
I started cutting out all friends/family that did not reciprocate the relationship a couple of years ago - best thing ever.
Posted on 12/17/24 at 10:58 am to SaintlyTiger88
Nope.. life is so much more peaceful and drama free.
Posted on 12/17/24 at 10:58 am to SaintlyTiger88
No
Posted on 12/17/24 at 10:58 am to SaintlyTiger88
Not at all and it doesn't bother me in the slightest
Posted on 12/17/24 at 11:00 am to RummelTiger
quote:quote:
Do you bother keeping in touch with family who don’t bother with you?
Nope.
I started cutting out all friends/family that did not reciprocate the relationship a couple of years ago - best thing ever.
Same. About the most I do is still send them Christmas cards, and that's just to let them know I'm still alive.
Posted on 12/17/24 at 11:04 am to SaintlyTiger88
Nope. I have next to no contact with all but two people from my Dad's side of the family. They didn't even really reach out when my brother died either.
It sucks as it's a fairly large group and my Mom's side who I'm really close with is starting to dwindle with folks passing away. But I just have no time or tolerance for people who knew my family existed and didn't even bother for decades.
It sucks as it's a fairly large group and my Mom's side who I'm really close with is starting to dwindle with folks passing away. But I just have no time or tolerance for people who knew my family existed and didn't even bother for decades.
Posted on 12/17/24 at 11:05 am to SaintlyTiger88
Not family, but I do have some friends in midwest we stopped visiting for this reason. i've traveled up there with live crawfish and everything it takes to cook them on more than one occasion and they haven't been here since the mid 90's. Aside from the annual Christmas card, I haven't seen them in person since 2012.
Posted on 12/17/24 at 11:08 am to SaintlyTiger88
I disagree with most of the comments here. Staying close with old friends and family takes a lot of work but its worth it and they will be the first to admit they appreciate the effort.
Posted on 12/17/24 at 11:09 am to SaintlyTiger88
quote:
Do any of you have this in your life?
Yes.
It’s hard but you’re going to have to grieve the fact that they’re not interested in “family” as you’ve described it, for whatever reason. And you can’t make them be.
Once you’ve accepted and grieved it, you can move on without being frustrated and bitter.
Posted on 12/17/24 at 11:09 am to SaintlyTiger88
They all want you to come visit but never try to visit you.
Happens every year around the holidays
Happens every year around the holidays
Posted on 12/17/24 at 11:11 am to SaintlyTiger88
I am probably the family member who doesn't bother with the rest.
Posted on 12/17/24 at 11:14 am to SaintlyTiger88
Only when I did much better than them in life
Posted on 12/17/24 at 11:18 am to SaintlyTiger88
Yeah. My mom’s side totally even though we’re all local. My dad’s side about half, varying distances.
No bad blood, words or anything in any instance, just separate lives, time passes and then that’s that.
It’s strikes me as odd sometimes but what you gonna do.
No bad blood, words or anything in any instance, just separate lives, time passes and then that’s that.
It’s strikes me as odd sometimes but what you gonna do.
Posted on 12/17/24 at 11:18 am to SaintlyTiger88
Since my dad passed away a few yrs ago, my mother and I have grown very distant from one another even though we are less than an hour apart. She is critical of everything I do and I finally reached the point that I had to move on. She is in her 80's and makes very little effort to have a relationship with me and I am the same way with her.
Posted on 12/17/24 at 11:21 am to SaintlyTiger88
OP, leave those people alone. Make some friends nearby.
There’s nothing special about family. You just happen to share some common ancestry but so what? Friends are the family you choose.
There’s nothing special about family. You just happen to share some common ancestry but so what? Friends are the family you choose.
Posted on 12/17/24 at 11:21 am to SaintlyTiger88
My brother died 7 years ago today. In the months leading up to his death, he was in and out of the hospital a lot. I flew down there about 8 times in a 4 month span just to sit with him, as his wife was unable to stay for long periods because of her own health issues. I was with him over thanksgiving that year, and stayed about 8-9 straight days leading up to his death. He had been married to my SIL for almost 40 years, and we always got along fine.
After his funeral, I starting calling her every couple of weeks, and she would barely respond to me with anything other than "okay" or "yeah". This went on for about 3 months, I figured she was still grieving so I don't think about it too much, but it kept being that way. She never called me, and when I did call, it was mostly silent until I talked.
I finally decided to stop calling and see if she called me. Still waiting on that first call 6 years later. Weird.
After his funeral, I starting calling her every couple of weeks, and she would barely respond to me with anything other than "okay" or "yeah". This went on for about 3 months, I figured she was still grieving so I don't think about it too much, but it kept being that way. She never called me, and when I did call, it was mostly silent until I talked.
I finally decided to stop calling and see if she called me. Still waiting on that first call 6 years later. Weird.
Posted on 12/17/24 at 11:23 am to chryso
quote:
I am probably the family member who doesn't bother with the rest.
Oh, I 100% am. Dad was like this when we were growing up, so it kinda just happened naturally to me. We skipped a lot of large family events (he is 1 of 6) to do things just us 4, so I just never naturally got very close with extended relatives. I do like them all, though.
I have friends that can't come on friend trips or alternate plans on any holiday because their family doesn't believe in skipping holidays with relatives. Which is fine and cool for them! Just not the way I was raised personally. My mom is like "have fun, see ya when I see ya".
To each their own. Not hating on close families by any means. Just isn't for me. I chose my "family" when I became an adult, and it has netted me very meaningful friendships and a total of 5 godchildren so far.
This post was edited on 12/17/24 at 11:25 am
Posted on 12/17/24 at 11:23 am to SaintlyTiger88
quote:
Do you bother keeping in touch with family who don’t bother with you?
No
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